The Most Powerful Prayer!!1!

Lance Wallnau is urging people to unleash the most POWERFUL prayer there is: appealing to Jehovah’s reputation. Yep. This is all about how good ol’ Jehovah is gonna look.

“The most powerful prayer is a prayer that appeals to the Lord’s reputation,” Wallnau said. “Here is what I’m telling to the Lord right now, I’m saying, ‘What will they say when a man who makes the embassy move to Jerusalem as your capital is so unjustly beaten up and removed from office? What will they say about the God of Israel honoring those that honor Him? What will they say about this man who, just today, authorized the relaunching of the entire Bush-era faith initiative … More prayer in the White House than any president has had in 50 years, what will they say, Lord, about you when your enemies are mocking the weakness of your people?’”

“What will they say if he cannot be preserved from his enemies railroading him out of town?” Wallnau asked, calling on the “God of Israel [to] rouse from your slumber” on behalf of Trump and “act in such a way that even your enemies will be silenced.”

It would appear that Jehovah is still napping, not giving a tiny, godly fart about what’s happening, so it’s the last resort appeal of “what will the neighbors say!?” Now Lance did cite a passage from Exodus, where Moses appealed to Jehovah’s vanity with “What will the Egyptians say?”:

32:12 Wherefore should the Egyptians speak, and say, For mischief did he bring them out, to slay them in the mountains, and to consume them from the face of the earth? Turn from thy fierce wrath, and repent of this evil against thy people.

I have to say, that sort of thing doesn’t seem to work at all anymore, I guess that nap is just too good. Honestly, this makes me laugh, because I just can’t imagine wanting any part of such a vain, weak little twerp of a god who is so easily manipulated.  Herne the Hunted is a much better god in comparison to Jehovah, at least he has dignity.

The full thing is at RWW.


  1. Nightjar says

    See, this makes no sense whatsoever. If Jehovah cares about his reputation, I’m sure he wouldn’t want to look like he’s easily manipulated by silly little humans. Lance is basically admitting to trying to manipulate God. What will they say about such an easily manipulated God, uh? Obviously, Jehovah, if he existed, would shake his head and snort in contempt at such a ridiculous prayer.

  2. says

    I am currently in the process of writing and producing a stage comedy show called ‘Preacher Comforts’, which is about mocking weird Bible stories with parodied Broadway songs.

    The fact that I haven’t even been threatened with incineration by lighting is proof positive that Jehovah doesn’t give a toss about his reputation.

    Or, you know, doesn’t exist.

  3. says

    I figured religious believers were upset by D&D because it’s suspiciously close to what they are doing.
    “My god can beat your god up.”
    “Oh yeah? Roll 1d100 saving throw.”
    “Shoot, got a 5.”
    “Ok you’re crucified.”
    “Anyone got a resurrect?”

  4. johnson catman says

    I think that if there was some omnipotent god, and he cared about his reputation, and he saw the shit that Wallnau, as well as 45, Franklin Graham, Pat Robertson, Joel Osteen, etc., etc., etc., do in his name, he would stomp the shit out of them in a most public way.

  5. brucegee1962 says

    I doubt that getting stomped would make the slightest difference to them. Remember that “Touchdown Jesus” statue that was LITERALLY STRUCK BY LIGHTNING, and they just went ahead and rebuilt it.
    If 50 foot high letters of fire appeared in the sky spelling out “Really, I’m OK with homosexuals!” they would just shut their windows and go on preaching.

  6. busterggi says

    If Jehovah thinks his reputation will get better by hanging around Trump he is once again badly mistaken.

Leave a Reply