.@VP Pence will host White House Cinco de Mayo party https://t.co/AaeRUJDwie pic.twitter.com/txPzQ9ApD8
— POLITICO (@politico) May 3, 2017
Mike Pence will be in charge of the ‘taco bowl’ festivities for Cinco de Mayo at the white house. It will be held on the 4th of May because…who the fuck knows? The Twitterati have been merciless in their response to this bit of fluffy news. You can see some of them here, and of course, at the Politico tweet stream.
Donald Trump speaks at the White House (CNN/screen grab).
Can no one shut up this irrational wannabe tyrant? Someone needs to get a leash and a muzzle. Lock him in a bedroom with cable. Something. Just please, stop him from talking. Sweet Zombie Jesus, he might actually kill off most of the U.S. by sheer embarrassment. Mr. Art of the Deal (which he did not write) has a very bad case of feet in the mouth.
During a press conference with State of Palestine President Mahmoud Abbas, Trump praised Palestinian National Authority for its efforts to combat ISIS.
“I also applaud the Palestinian Authority’s continued cooperation with Israel,” Trump said. “They get along unbelievably well… They work together beautifully.”
The U.S. president noted that there could be “no lasting peace” unless all Palestinian leaders spoke out against hate.
“There’s such hatred,” he added. “But hopefully there won’t be such hatred for very long.”
Right, because Palestinians haven’t been speaking out against atrocities committed or the hatred and bile aimed at them every day, no. They’ve just been hanging out, all quiet like. Not enough eyeroll, not enough. Not in the whole universe.
Video at Raw Story. Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, This. Unfuckingbelievable.
Donald Trump in Cleveland prayer huddle — (YouTube screen grab)
Here comes the Christian Oppression™. Unlike the Spanish Inquisition, the Christian Oppression of everyone they don’t like is always to be expected. The religious reich pushed hard for this, and of course, the Tiny Tyrant is going to grant their wish, always willing to pander to religious extremists. Thankfully, there are a good many sensible theists who are very opposed to this EO, who not only think it’s unnecessary, but would be violating the constitution. Unfortunately, violating the constitution is something Donny seems to revel in. Here’s hoping this mechanism for promoting vile bigotry, hate, and cruel oppression will be successfully challenged and kicked to the gutter, where it belongs.
News broke Tuesday afternoon that president Donald Trump is preparing an executive order on “religious liberty” that is expected to offer exemptions for people who claim religious objections to same-sex marriage, abortion, transgender identity, and premarital sex.
There’s just one catch: many faith leaders already oppose it.
According to POLITICO, Trump administration officials are planning to unveil the new order on Thursday to coincide with the National Day of Prayer. Details of the order are still under wraps, but the text is reportedly similar to an alleged draft leaked to The Nation on February 1. That draft purported to require government agencies to grant sweeping religious exemptions to people and organizations that reject same-sex marriage and other things on religious grounds — regardless of whether faith-fueled disagreement is “compelled by, or central to, a system of religious belief.”
At the time, conservative-leaning faith groups such as the U.S. Conference of Catholic Bishops urged Trump to sign the draft order, saying it was a “positive step toward allowing all Americans to be able to practice their faith without severe penalties from the federal government.” Russell Moore, head of the Southern Baptist Convention’s political arm, also encouraged the president to sign on.
But religious freedom experts and other faith leaders were quick to raise questions about whether its provisions were lawful. Rabbi David Saperstein, who recently ended his tenure as U.S. religious freedom ambassador for the State Department, told members of Congress in February he believes the proposed order poses “significant constitutional problems.”
“I think it raises very serious equal protection issues,” he said, noting that the leaked draft could allow government contractors the ability to refuse services based on their religious beliefs.
Saperstein’s concern was echoed by a chorus of clergy two weeks later, when a full-page ad decrying the draft appeared in the pages of POLITICO. The ad, which was signed by more than 1,300 faith leaders, blasted the order for “enshrining one [conservative] religious perspective” above others.
“Although it purports to strengthen religious freedom, what this order would actually do is misuse this freedom, turning it into a weapon to discriminate against broad swaths of our nation, including LGBTQ people, women, and children in foster care,” it read. “We urge you to turn away from all proposals that would abuse religious freedom, including any executive orders on this issue that are currently under consideration.”
A boy looks at guns during the NRA’s annual meeting in Atlanta. CREDIT: Kira Lerner.
How many words are there to express disgust, loathing, and contempt? Consider every single one of them applied to the absolute fucking drivel to follow. According to a self-described Professor of Killology, all the parents are raising horrible, sick, demented monsters, not children. And the only way to deal with this generation of sick, horrible, demented monsters? Why, more guns of course! Everyone should rush out and buy, buy, buy, buy more guns, because that will make everything better.
Dave Grossman, a self-described professor of “killology” who published a book in November called Assassination Generation, claimed that violent video games and movies are turning children into monsters capable of committing worse mass shootings than those we have seen in recent decades.
“Can anyone deny that we’ve raised the most vicious generation of killers the world has ever seen?” he asked the NRA audience. “They’ve given us crimes that children have never dreamed of. They’ll give us crimes as adults in our darkest nightmares we never imagined.”
Like other speakers throughout the NRA’s three-day convention, Grossman refused to recognize the link between the high number of guns and gun deaths in the United States. Instead, he tried to use outside forces to explain the violence, to drive fear and paranoia, and to convince people to purchase more firearms.
“The one factor the killers have in common: every one of them dropped out of life and immersed themselves in the sickest movies and the sickest video games,” he said. “The guns have always been there. The sick movies and the sick video games are creating sick, sick kids.”
[…]
He also focused on mass school shootings, occurrences that are rare and make up a tiny percentage of all gun deaths. An average of 12,000 people are killed each year by guns, but more than half are suicides and most of the others occur during domestic disputes. In an average month, 50 women are shot to death by an intimate partner.
Grossman made no mention of the dangers of having a gun in the home. Instead, he focused on children and deranged “lone jackals” being the problem.
Oh yes, the refuge of every obsessed gun fondler: the lone wolf. Of course guns having nothing to do with gun deaths, no, no, it was, it was, gimme a minute, I’ll pull something out of my ass. The one thing this fucked up mess of a country does not need is more guns.
In this March 21, 2017, file photo, President Donald Trump, followed by Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price, leaves Capitol Hill Washington after rallying support for the Republican health care overhaul with GOP lawmakers. CREDIT: AP/J. Scott Applewhite.
Here’s one for the How Much Can We Fuck Women Up files. Teresa Manning has been tapped to be Deputy Assistant Secretary for Population Affairs in the Department of Health and Human Services. She’ll be responsible for administering federal Title X family planning funds. The problem? Not only is Ms. Manning rabidly anti-choice, she’s a contraception denier. She doesn’t think anyone needs contraception. I really didn’t think anything else today could make my bad mood worse, was I ever wrong.
Manning is currently listed as deputy assistant secretary for the office in the HHS staff directory.
Manning has worked for the National Right to Life Committee and Family Research Council. She has a long history of making inaccurate statements about contraception, like saying that it doesn’t work, and falsely claimed there was a link between breast cancer and abortion, according to Mic.
In 2001, when Manning worked for the Family Research Council, which has fiercely opposed LGBTQ rights, she said that it was “immoral” and “medically irresponsible” to ensure that women can buy emergency contraceptives over the counter.
Part of Manning’s role is to administer $286 million in federal Title X family planning funds, which benefit low-income populations. Title X is a competitive federal grant program that provides family planning and other health services to an estimated four million low-income uninsured and underinsured people each year. Providers have to demonstrate a capacity to meet needs in community before receiving funds.
Manning would have a role in setting national policy on issues of family planning and contraception and advises the secretary and assistant secretary for the department on a “wide range of reproductive health issues,” according to the HHS website.
[…]
Dawn Laguens, executive vice president of Planned Parenthood Federation of America, released a statement on the appointment.
“It is a cruel irony to appoint an opponent of birth control to oversee the nation’s only federal program dedicated to family planning,” Laguens stated. “We are at the lowest rate of unintended pregnancy in 30 years and a historic low for teen pregnancy because of access to birth control. Someone who promotes myths about birth control and reproductive care should not be in charge of the office that is responsible for family planning at HHS.”
Screen grab from Trump campaign ‘First 100 Days’ commercial (YouTube).
Oh, that 100 Day stuff that the Tiny Tyrant pretended to dismiss as not important. Apparently, it was important enough to work up a propaganda spot, touting the great achievements of Trump. Christ, nothing is going to improve my mood this day. Now the regime henchpeople are having a fit because CNN won’t air the ad. Oh my.
President Donald Trump’s campaign apparatus on Tuesday lashed out at CNN for allegedly refusing to air a commercial touting accomplishments made in the president’s first 100 days.
The 30-second ad, which began airing on Monday, praises Trump for the confirmation of Supreme Court Justice Neil Gorsuch and for proposing the “biggest tax cut plan in history.” It also blasts the media, flashing the words “FAKE NEWS” over the faces of anchors, reporters and broadcasters.
A memo from the Trump-Pence campaign announced on Tuesday that CNN had refused to air the commercial.
“FAKE NEWS STATION REFUSES TO RUN AD HIGHLIGHTING THE PRESIDENT’S FIRST 100 DAYS,” the document’s headline shouted.
[…]
According to Politico’s Hadas Gold, CNN is refusing to air the spot until the Trump campaign removes the words “fake news” from the faces of network anchors.
“CNN requested that the advertiser remove the false graphic that the mainstream media is ‘fake news’,” a statement from the network said. “The mainstream media is not fake news, and therefore the ad is false and per policy will be accepted only if that graphic is deleted.”
The full story and the propaganda piece are at Raw Story.
Today’s round-up of awful. More people are bringing up the Tiny Tyrant’s mental state, and it’s not any sort of shady speculation, this is not something we can afford to ignore, and I’m past tired of all the left-sided prim of “you can’t do that, it’s not nice.” It’s not nice, or healthy to have an unstable wannabe tyrant in charge of the country, with access to military and nuclear weapons, either. Trump’s narcissism is bad enough, but his continued disconnected rambling, temper flare-ups, and decision making based on whims in increasing, and it continues to be clear that exactly no one has a leash on the Tiny Tyrant. Trump admires Duterte’s ‘war on drugs’ for fuck’s sake. Wake up.
Howard Fineman said President Donald Trump seems to be under the impression that he can meet with the world’s worst dictators and “cut a deal” with them like it was a business transaction.
On a day when Trump said he would be “honored” to meet with North Korean dictator Kim Jong-Un –and a day after he extended an invitation to Philippines strongman Rodrigo Duterte to visit the White House — Fineman said that Trump thinks dealing with dictators is like making a real estate deal.
“Donald Trump is analogizing world affairs to a real estate deal in New York,” Fineman explained. “He’s trying to get everybody in the room, however much he dislikes them, however much it’s like the unions he didn’t like or politics he had to donate to or whatever, and he’s creating in his own mind a legion of dictator superheroes of some kind because he thinks it’s a jungle out there.”
“He was put off by what he regarded as Barack Obama’s overweening idealism and he’s going to go in just the opposite direction and he will literally go to every bad actor in the world,” Fineman continued. “He thinks he’s creating — will get all the bad guys in the room at the same time and somehow cut a deal. I think that’s his mentality.”
Fineman has a very good point here. That point is validated by the fact that Trump is up to his neck in a lucrative deal with Duterte in the Phillipines, so why wouldn’t Trump view everything in terms of business which is good for him? He has no interest in what is good for America, let alone the rest of the world. I don’t think Trump is even capable of understanding the world as a connected, cohesive whole. He only sees one bit at a time, and primarily those bits which can make him money. Full Story Here.
Politico has an in-depth look at the interviews, and the sheer amount of WTFuckery involved:
President Donald Trump questioned why the Civil War— which erupted 150 years ago over slavery — needed to happen. He said he would be “honored” to meet with Kim Jong-Un, the violent North Korean dictator who is developing nuclear missiles and oppresses his people, under the “right circumstances.”
The president floated, and backed away from, a tax on gasoline. Trump said he was “looking at” breaking up the big banks, sending the stock market sliding. He seemed to praise Philippines strongman President Rodrigo Duterte for his high approval ratings. He promised changes to the Republican health care bill, though he has seemed unsure what was in the legislation, even as his advisers whipped votes for it.
And Monday still had nine hours to go.
“It seems to be among the most bizarre recent 24 hours in American presidential history,” said Douglas Brinkley, a presidential historian. “It was all just surreal disarray and a confused mental state from the president.”
The interviews — published by Bloomberg, Face the Nation and the SiriusXM radio network — seemed timed to the president’s 100-day mark but contained a dizzying amount of news, even for a president who often makes news in stream-of-consciousness comments. Trump’s advisers have at times tried to curb his media appearances, worried he will step on his message. “They were not helpful to us,” one senior administration official said. “There was no point to do all of them.”
White House officials said privately there was no broader strategy behind the interviews. GOP strategists and Capitol Hill aides were puzzled by it all. “I have no idea what they view as a successful media hit,” said one senior GOP consultant with close ties to the administration. “He just seemed to go crazy today,” a senior GOP aide said.
And if all that isn’t worrying enough, the Fucking Idiot wants a shutdown, so he can change the rules of democracy. Wheeeeeee, you havin’ fun yet?
President Trump on Tuesday called for a “good shutdown” in September to fix the “mess” in government.
He also expressed frustration that legislation needs 60 votes in the Senate because of the filibuster, saying it would be necessary to elect more Republicans or “change the rules.”
“The reason for the plan negotiated between the Republicans and Democrats is that we need 60 votes in the Senate which are not there! We … either elect more Republican Senators in 2018 or change the rules now to 51%. Our country needs a good “shutdown” in September to fix mess!” he wrote in a series of tweets.
“At the end of the day, this is Donald Trump, and we don’t want to work with him,” said Rep. Ruben Gallego. | AP Photo.
My, my, look at that, some democrats have discovered their spine. Let’s hope this is resolve, not just pointless rhetoric. I will grant that like the rest of us, they were in shock and floundering around a bit, but it’s past time they came to a conclusion, a decision, and a plan of action. We the people have been very busy already, look at all the marches, the participation at town halls, the letter writing campaigns, petitions, and so on. And all that was done while we were still suffering shock. I suppose late is better than never.
Democrats couldn’t be less interested in the whole Jared Kushner vs. Steve Bannon drama, and they have given up on the idea that President Donald Trump’s son-in-law will push him to work across the aisle on tax reform or anything else.
The crisis of confidence they felt after Trump’s shocking win has faded and his record-low poll numbers have killed any incentive in their minds to suck it up and compromise with him.
“There is zero chance of any of this working out that way, and it doesn’t matter who you’re changing,” said Rep. Ruben Gallego (D-Ariz.), who notes that many of his colleagues who once decried his absolute opposition to Trump now agree with him. “At the end of the day,” he added, “this is Donald Trump, and we don’t want to work with him.”
As far as Democrats are concerned, the idea of a moderate, post-partisan staff rising to guide Trump into building bridges with them — even for the sake of building actual bridges as part of infrastructure investments Trump talks about and they agree are needed — has now entered the realm of complete fantasy.
“This notion of the battle between Jared Kushner and Steve Bannon and who prevails is irrelevant in many ways to the policies,” said Rep. David Cicilline (D-R.I.), one of the chairs of the House Democratic Policy and Communications Committee, about the discord among Trump’s most senior advisers. “What Democrats are responding to is the substance of the policies: It doesn’t matter who wins the internal battles in the White House.”
[…]
“Initially, people didn’t have a full appreciation of how he would conduct himself,” said Cicilline. “They thought, ‘He won, he wasn’t our choice, but he is our president.’ What I’m hearing from my constituents, even some who’ve been more ambivalent, [is] it’s really important to stand up and resist and try to mitigate the damage that he’s likely to cause.”
Cicilline said that’s reverberated among the other Democrats on the Hill he’s in touch with.
“People are really conflicted, because they want government to work, and they know that’s when we can produce good results, but I think that they’re beginning to lose confidence that this administration and this president are interested in getting things done.”
[…]
“Chameleons reflect the color that they’re on,” said Connecticut Gov. Dan Malloy, chairman of the Democratic Governors Association. “He can reflect what is the hot flavor of the moment, but the reality is that this administration has got to go a long way to indicate that it’s really willing to work with people.”
The Washington Post reports on the Republican infatuation with Russia, and it looks like there’s a blossoming of true love happening there. Conservatives are looking at Russia, and Putin, and seeing their dream of America. It’s one hell of a 180 from when I was growing up in the 1960s, when being like Russia was the American Nightmare™. Given the new love affair, it’s hard to see that the so-called investigation into the many tentacles of collusion is going to go anywhere.
Growing up in the 1980s, Brian Brown was taught to think of the communist Soviet Union as a dark and evil place.
But Brown, a leading opponent of same-sex marriage, said that in the past few years he has started meeting Russians at conferences on family issues and finding many kindred spirits.
Brown, president of the National Organization for Marriage, has visited Moscow four times in four years, including a 2013 trip during which he testified before the Duma as Russia adopted a series of anti-gay laws.
“What I realized was that there was a great change happening in the former Soviet Union,” he said. “There was a real push to re-instill Christian values in the public square.”
A significant shift has been underway in recent years across the Republican right.
On issues including gun rights, terrorism and same-sex marriage, many leading advocates on the right who grew frustrated with their country’s leftward tilt under President Barack Obama have forged ties with well-connected Russians and come to see that country’s authoritarian leader, Vladimir Putin, as a potential ally.
The attitude adjustment among many conservative activists helps explain one of the most curious aspects of the 2016 presidential race: a softening among many conservatives of their historically hard-line views of Russia. To the alarm of some in the GOP’s national security establishment, support in the party base for then-candidate Donald Trump did not wane even after he rejected the tough tone of 2012 nominee Mitt Romney, who called Russia America’s No. 1 foe, and repeatedly praised Putin.
[…]
“Is it possible that these are just well-meaning people who are reaching out to Americans with shared interests? It is possible,” said Steven L. Hall, who retired from the CIA in 2015 after managing Russia operations for 30 years. “Is it likely? I don’t think it’s likely at all. . . . My assessment is that it’s definitely part of something bigger.”
Interactions between Russians and American conservatives appeared to gain momentum as Obama prepared to run for a second term.
At the time, many in the GOP warned that Obama had failed to counter the national security threat posted by Putin’s aggression.
But, deep in the party base, change was brewing.
[…]
“There has been a change in the views of hard-core conservatives toward Russia,” a participant, Rep. Dana Rohrabacher (R-Calif.), said in an interview. “Conservative Republicans like myself hated communism during the Cold War. But Russia is no longer the Soviet Union.”
And there’s are bottom line: conservative assholes of all stripes can tell themselves that the love affair with Russia is dandy and okay because no longer the Soviet Union. Everything is great now, and Putin is a wonderful tyrant, we need one of those too! The Tiny Tyrant is not in Putin’s league, to be sure, but it’s clear enough that he wants to be. Trump has long demonstrated a taste for authoritarian despots, and that brings us around to the troubling business of Trump and Duterte. The Tiny Tyrant thinks Duterte is great, and really admires his mass slaughter parading under the ‘war on drugs’ banner.
Duterte is an evil person, the very definition of amoral, but the Tiny Tyrant wants to be best buddies with him because North Korea. There’s been no noise out of the white house condemning the mass amount of violations, but Priebus did have this to say:
“If we don’t have all of our folks together — whether they’re good folks, bad folks, people we wish would do better in their country, doesn’t matter, we’ve got to be on the same page” on North Korea, Priebus said.
Ah. So now the bad guys are okay. Right. I’m sure all manner of Filipino people will be fine with that one, because gosh, two maniacs getting together to gang up on a third one, well, nothing bad can happen there, right?
How the Republican right found allies in Russia.
White House defends Trump invitation to Duterte despite human rights violations.
Oh, and there’s right interesting information here: Why did Trump invite a murderous autocrat to the White House? Follow the money. A towering conflict of interest.
Pope Francis addresses a joint meeting of Congress in Washington, D.C., on Sept. 24, 2015. Photo courtesy of REUTERS/Jim Bourg.
Pope Francis has issued a statement that nuclear war would be bad. I’m sure most of us just didn’t know that one already.
According to CNN, the pope was traveling from Egypt to Italy when he echoed earlier remarks about the danger of a “piecemeal third world war.”
“It’s piecemeal but the pieces are getting larger, and are concentrated in places which were already hot,” Pope Francis explained. “Today a wider war would destroy, I won’t say half of humanity, but a large part of humanity and culture. It would be terrible. I don’t think humanity today could bear it.”
Nuclear war will have wide ranging, catastrophic effects well past what and whoever is caught in the initial blast zones. That’s been common knowledge for many a decade now. That would be the faster option when it comes to killing ourselves. Right now, we’re going with the somewhat slower option of driving climate change.
“I think the United Nations has the duty to resume its leadership, because it has been watered down a bit,” the pope said, adding that a third-party nation like Norway could help mediate talks between North Korea and the United States.
How about you ask that impotent god of yours to get off its ass, and magically enlighten the fucking idiot parading as the U.S. president? He’s not terribly keen on that whole united nations stuff, and boy, does he love havin’ himself some nukes. As for Norway, pardon? Anyone ask the Norwegian people what they think about that idea?
Via Raw Story.
Donald Trump (CPAC)
Oh here’s a big ol’ shocker – the Tiny Tyrant is running his mouth without the slightest hint of knowledge behind it. Mr. Tweet had a Twitter frenzy this morning, screeching out “Obamacare is dead!” and other shite. He kept spewing shit in an interview, making it as plain as could be that he doesn’t have the slightest idea of what comprises his “great new healthcare plan”. Fucking idiot.
In an interview with Face The Nation’s John Dickerson that aired Sunday, it appeared that President Donald Trump did not fully understand what was in the latest version of the Republican health care bill.
When Dickerson pushed Trump to acknowledge why there are critics of the bill, noting higher premiums for older people, Trump interrupted him to say that issue was fixed. Throughout the interview, Trump insisted that the latest version of the bill addressed all of the problems Dickerson mentioned, even though the bill has only become worse for low-income people, older people and people with pre-existing conditions.
When Dickerson asked Trump explain how higher premiums were “fixed” under the new health care bill, he didn’t have an answer.
Think Progress has the full story. Honestly, this level of incompetence should be an automatic disqualification.
Image credit: STILLFX.
The NRA is all fired up by Donny’s sucking up. They really didn’t expect the Tiny Tyrant to win, and hadn’t planned on having a new target, as they were completely focused on Clinton. They’ve had to do a bit of scrambling to identify a new enemy, and as the Tiny Tyrant is doing such a good job of shoving his head up the NRA arse, they’re supporting him in the ‘enemy’ department.
But with President Trump’s win — unexpected even for many here at the NRA’s annual meeting — the group had to reorient itself around a new target able to drive just as much anger in its millions of members.
ISIS or other international threats may have been easy marks. But judging by the rhetoric used by NRA leaders and President Trump in Atlanta this week, the gun lobby has set its sights elsewhere: the media.
“It’s up to us to speak up against the three most dangerous voices in America: academic elites, political elites, and media elites. These are America’s greatest domestic threats” LaPierre told thousands of NRA members on Friday at the group’s Leadership Forum, explaining that the media is trying to destroy Trump and his administration.
When do we get to talk about dangerously obsessed gun fondler elites? I’d like to have that discussion.
“Leftists media elites deliberately deceive and spin and twist the truth to grow their anti-American agenda,” he said. Later he asked: “When did the media stop being journalists and start becoming PR flacks for the destruction of our country?”
Taking it a step further, LaPierre told his members that the job of the NRA is to give “the media the big fat black eye it so often richly deserves.” Dana Loesch, a conservative media personality and NRA spokesperson, later used similarly incendiary language in a video segment, saying gun owners need to “fight this violence of lies with a clenched fist of truth.” And Chris Cox, the group’s chief lobbyist, claimed that the media “drew their knives from the very beginning” and led a “vicious” attack against Trump.
The line drew huge applause from the audience, and a mention of CNN later in the event led NRA members to take to their feet chanting “CNN sucks.”
Oh great, the aging white dudes think they are playing war. Did they not get the memo that guns are passé? Donny has nukes!
The NRA spent more than $30 million last year to elect Trump — more than three times the amount it spent on Mitt Romney’s campaign — and the investment paid off. Speaking on Friday as the first sitting president to address the NRA in over three decades, Trump confirmed his commitment to upholding the group’s agenda.
When it comes to attacking the press, the NRA appears ready to do Trump’s bidding. And its members are ready to fall in line.
[…]
With similar thinking coming from the Trump administration in Washington, that kind of language could translate into policy when it comes to freedom of the press. Chief of Staff Reince Priebus told ABC News Sunday that the president is open to considering changing the constitution so that he could sue journalists for unfavorable coverage.
Well, didn’t take the Tiny Tyrant long to focus on the merits of fascism once again. Speaking of, the Tiny Tyrant is all a gush over his new bestest buddy ever, Rodrigo Duterte. Donny really, truly admires Duterte’s war on drugs. Yeah, we’re very fucked here.
Full stories at Think Progress: NRA, Duterte, Suing Journalists.
Highlights from Hasan Minhaj’s speech at the white house correspondents dinner. The full speech is available after the highlights video at The Washington Post.
Here are some of the harshest jokes from Minhaj’s speech.
— “I would say it is an honor to be here, but that would be an alternative fact. It is not. No one wanted to do this. So of course it lands in the hands of an immigrant.”
— “Don Rickles died just so you wouldn’t ask him to do this gig, alright? RIP to Don Rickles, the only Donald with skin thick enough to take a joke like that.”
— “A lot of people in the media say that Donald Trump goes golfing too much. . . which raises a very important question: Why do you care? Do you want to know what he’s not doing when he’s golfing? Being president. Let the man putt-putt!. . . The longer you keep him distracted, the longer we’re not at war with North Korea.”
— “We gotta address the elephant that’s not in the room. The leader of our country is not here. And that’s because he lives in Moscow, it is a very long flight. It’d be hard for Vlad to make it. Vlad can’t just make it on a Saturday! As for the other guy, I think he’s in Pennsylvania because he can’t take a joke.”
— “There was also another elephant in the room, but Donald Trump Jr. shot it and cut off its tail.”
— “Jeff Sessions couldn’t be here tonight, he was busy doing a pre-Civil War re-enactment. On his RSVP, he just wrote ‘NO.’ Just ‘no,’ which happens to be his second favorite n-word.”
— “Is Steve Bannon here? I do not see Steve Bannon. I do NOT see Steve Bannon. Not see Steve Bannon. Not-see Steve Bannon.”
— “Betsy DeVos couldn’t be here, she’s busy curating her collection of children’s tears.”
— “Fredrick Douglass isn’t here, and that’s because he’s dead. Someone please tell the president.”
— “Mike Pence wanted to be here tonight, but his wife would not let him because apparently one of you ladies is ovulating. So good job, ladies. Because of you we couldn’t hang out with Mike Pence.”
— “Even Hillary Clinton couldn’t be here tonight. I mean, she could have been here, but I think someone told her the event was in Wisconsin and Michigan.”
— “[Sean Spicer] has been doing PR since 1999. He has been doing this job for 18 years. And somehow, after 18 years, his go-to move when you ask him a tough question is denying the Holocaust. That is insane! How many people do you know that can turn a press briefing into a full-on Mel Gibson traffic stop?”
— “Donald Trump is liar-in-chief. Remember, you guys are public enemy number one. You are his biggest enemy. Journalists, ISIS, normal-length ties.”
— “It is amazing to be among the greatest journalists in the world, and yet, when we all checked into the Hilton on Friday we all got a USA Today. Every time a USA Today slides underneath my door, it’s like they’re saying, ‘Hey, you’re not that smart, right?’ USA Today is what happens when the coupon section takes over the newspaper. Is this an article about global warming or 50 cents off Tide? Either way, the pictures are so pretty!”
— “The news coming out of the White House is so stressful, I’ve been watching ‘House of Cards’ just to relax. Oh man, a congressman pushed a journalist in front of a moving train? That’s quaint!”
— “Even if you guys groan, I’ve already hired Kellyanne Conway, she’s gonna go on TV on Monday and tell everybody I killed, so it really doesn’t matter.”
— (To the press) “Remember election night? That was your Steve Harvey/Miss Universe moment.”
— “It was all fun and games with Obama, right? You were covering an adult who could speak English. And now you’re covering President Trump, so you gotta take your game to a whole new level. It’s like if a bunch of stripper cops had to solve a real-life murder.”
— “Tonight is about defending the First Amendment and the free press, and I am truly honored to be here, even though all of Hollywood pulled out now that King Joffrey is president and it feels like the Red Wedding in here.”
— “We all know this administration likes deleting history faster than Anthony Weiner when he hears footsteps.”
— “[Donald Trump] tweets at 3 a.m. sober. Who is tweeting at 3 a.m. sober? Donald Trump, because it’s 10 a.m. in Russia. Those are business hours.”
— “This has been one of the strangest events I’ve ever done in my life. I’m being honest with you. I feel like I’m a tribute in ‘The Hunger Games.’ If this goes poorly, Steve Bannon gets to eat me.”
— “Fox News is here. I’m amazed you guys even showed up. How are you here in public? It’s hard to trust you guys when you backed a man like Bill O’Reilly for years. But it finally happened. Bill O’Reilly has been fired. But then, you gave him a 25 million dollar severance package. Making it the only package he won’t force a woman to touch.”
— “I know some of you are wondering, Hasan, how do you know so much about Fox News? Well as a Muslim, I like to watch Fox News for the same reason I like to play Call of Duty. Sometimes, I like to turn my brain off and watch strangers insult my family and heritage.”
— “MSNBC is here tonight. And I’m glad you guys are here. That way if I’m bombing, Brian Williams will describe it as stunning.”
— “MSNBC. It’s hard to trust you guys when you send so many mixed messages. On the one hand you tell us the prison industrial complex is the problem, and then you air five straight hours of ‘Lockup.’ You can’t be mad at corporations profiting off of minorities in prison when you’re a corporation profiting off of minorities in prison.”
— “I had a lot more MSNBC jokes, but I don’t want to just ramble on, otherwise I might get a show on MSNBC.”
— “CNN is here, baby. You guys got some really weird trust issues with the public. I’m not going to call you fake news, but everything isn’t breaking news. You can’t go to DEFCON-1 just because Sanjay Gupta found a new moisturizer.”
— “All you guys do is stoke up conflict. Don, every time I watch your show it feels like I’m watching a reality TV show. ‘CNN Tonight’ should just be called ‘Wait a Second Now Hold On Stop Yelling At Each Other with Don Lemon.’”
— “You guys have to be more perfect now more than ever. Because you are how the president gets his news. Not from advisers, not from experts, not from intelligence agencies. You guys. So that’s why you gotta be on your A game. You gotta be twice as good. You can’t make any mistakes. Because when one of you messes up, he blames your entire group. And now you know what it feels like to be a minority.”
— (Later, addressed again to the media.) “By the way, you guys aren’t really minorities, you’re super white.”
— “It’s 11 p.m. In four hours, Donald Trump will be tweeting about how badly Nikki Minaj did at this dinner. And he’ll be doing it completely sober. And that’s his right. And I’m proud that all of us are here to defend that right, even if the man in the White House never would.”
Hasan did a fantastic job, and didn’t pull any of the well-deserved punches. There were a number of distinctly unamused faces in the audience, and that’s good, because at least some of those remarks hit home.
Via The Washington Post.