When you don’t have enough hands or faces to palm.

American politics have a serious side effect of headaches from shaking them or facepalming constantly over here in continental Europe (made worse by the weeping over the Brits), but sometimes it’s just bizarre.

Have you heard about that big scandal involving Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez?

Well, hold on fast, because these revelations will break your heart. When she was a teenager, she danced and had friends.

Here is America’s favorite commie know-it-all acting like the clueless nitwit she is…
…High School video of “Sandy” Ocasio-Cortez @AoDespair

And then there’s Elizabeth Warren. Did you know what she did? She drank beer on Instagram!

I hope I have now thoroughly ruined your new year with these groundbreaking revelations of human women doing normal human things.

 

Maybe he should have grabbed her by the pussy instead?

By now you have probably heard of The Incident. Depending on whether you’re a decent human being or a Republican, the actual incident is that the White House tried to forcefully remove the mic of a journalist because they didn’t like what he said and then banned him from the White House, or the real incident is Jim Acosta “laying his hands” on a young intern (who is, by pure coincidence female, white, young and pretty).

Sarah Sanders has tweeted about it several times, stressing the “disrespect” towards the “young woman” and “young women” working in the administration, mimicking feminist language and concerns for the treatment of (young) (professional) women at the hands of older men.

She also shared a clip showing him making a “chopping motion” towards her arm. Only that the video came straight from Infowars (and we all know how much those people care about women) and has a few curious differences to the original:

The intern’s reach for the mic is slowed down, and the “chop” motion is accelerated. Here’s an annotated side by side comparison:

Further analysis: video is absolutely doctored. You can see the edit when the clips are side by side and slowed down to quarter speed. See for yourself:

 The dishonesty of the Trump Administration knows no limits, as shown again, but let me make one thing clear: Even if Acosta had made a “chopping motion” he wouldn’t be the one who’s wrong here. He was talking, she tried to physically remove the mic, very eager to please her betters. She was the one making aggressive moves towards him. And also: fuck you, white women who sell out on basically everybody to lick spittle and get the rewards of being the chill girls of the Trump Administration. You work hard to remove women’s* right to their own bodies. You work double time to disenfranchise black women. You work extra time to rip babies out of their mothers’ arms and lock them in cages. And you all work for a man who is proud of sexually assaulting women. You don’t get to talk about respectful treatment of women.
*and others capable of gestation.

Thank goodness he found the culprit!

Pope Francis

Source: Wikimedia

Remember when “liberals” praised Pope Francis for being so progressive? Our lovely progressive Pope had to deal with some nasty issues like priests massively raping kids for decades and of course he promised to do whatever he can. So you’ll be glad to hear that he’s found the culprit.

The Devil.

Yes, you heard right. The Devil. The literal horns and hooves devil, who did it to undermine the Roman Catholic Church.  Oh, wait, did you think that the abused children were the victims here? You could not be more wrong! The real victim here is the church.

What an elegant way to absolve your horrible abusive institution from all the moral blame, especially those poor priest who were obviously under satanic influence.

Wackaloon

Liz Crokin, right wing “journalist” has recently lost the tips of two fingers in a surfing accident and is blaming Hilary Clinton as the cause.

While she realizes that it was probably “just a freak accident,” that didn’t stop her from also asserting that it may have been the result of a curse that had been placed on her by Hillary Clinton or artist Marina Abramović or some other “witch” that is targeting her due to her efforts to expose the secret satanic cannibalistic pedophile cult that supposedly runs the world.

Is it just me, or do other people think that the right wing of America have lost their minds. I can almost get past their belief in their God (almost, but not really), but what is up with the belief in witches and spells and curses. Do they really think we live in Harry Potter World full of magic, and if so why isn’t their all-powerful, all-seeing God doing something about it? It seems to me that it just highlights the impotence of their sky God. It all seems so totally illogical and totally ridiculous. The full story is at Right Wing Watch, if you can stomach it. Just a word of warning, if you click on the links inside the story be prepared for even more ridiculous right wing thinking.

 

10 Plants: Bulldozed To Death.

In this June 17, 2015, file photo, marijuana plants grow at LifeLine Labs in Cottage Grove, Minn. | Photo: AP Photo / Jim Mone.

In this June 17, 2015, file photo, marijuana plants grow at LifeLine Labs in Cottage Grove, Minn. | Photo: AP Photo / Jim Mone.

That’s right: Confronted with a small-scale illicit marijuana grow on public land, the [Pennsylvania] State Police deployed a helicopter and the on-scene bulldozer and managed to kill their target. But that’s not how the cops tried to spin it.

Brought to you with utter disgust and contempt, contempt for fucking cops, who seem to be good for only one thing: murder. Contempt for the puritanical, colonial bullshit which is a complete blight on Amerikkan society.

You can read all the sordid details here.

Cry Havoc!, and Let Slip the Horses of the Apocalypse. Er, What?

Four Horsemen of Apocalypse, by Viktor Vasnetsov. Painted in 1887. Source.

Four Horsemen of Apocalypse, by Viktor Vasnetsov. Painted in 1887. Source.

This week, Jim Bakker has decided the apocalypse to have begun. Who knows what the fuck it will be next week. Evangelicals can never seem to make up their mind. They seriously want the apocalypse to actually happen, so they can see all us godless heathens and other varieties of sinners tromped on my Jehovah and Jesus, while at the same time, their unquenchable lust for power keeps them from end time talk, because their only chance at oppressing the hell out of people will happen right here, in reality land.

“Have you ever seen a time when we hate our president like the people do now?” Bakker marveled. “Literally half the nation hates the president and would probably kill him if they got a chance.”

Oh, it’s much more than half of ‘merica, Jim. I’m afraid the Tiny Tyrant has pissed off and alienated a good portion of governments and people across the planet. That seems to be the only thing he’s actually good at, which is unfortunate for us all. Back to uStates a moment. Did you know that people used to assassinate presidents? Yeah. I’d say murdering someone was a pretty solid expression of hate, Jim, and no one has so much as tried when it comes to the Tiny Tyrant, and I’m quite tempted to add a “more’s the pity”, but that wouldn’t be nice.

Bakker said that when he asked God what was going on, God told him that “you are in Revelation, Chapter 6,” which tells of the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

“This is what He told me,” Bakker claimed. “He said, ‘Donald Trump is a respite in this troubled times and I sent him in grace to give you time to prepare for what’s coming on earth.’”

This is what you call a respite? Intense divisiveness, people declaring Nazism a fine thing, and people everywhere lying down under the constant crush of lies and fascism? You have one fucking weird definition of respite, Jim.

Bakker said that while “the Antichrist spirit” has been let loose on America, “God has given us a man who is not afraid to fight. We have a president people think is crazy. They call him crazy, but he’s making peace treaties, he’s doing all the things to try to solve the world’s problems and God has put him on earth—God spoke to me the other night, He said, ‘I put Donald Trump on earth to give you time, the church, to get ready.’”

Uh huh. Peace treaties, really? Jesus fuck onna stick. The wannabe dictator is not crazy, but he is a liar, a narcissist, and a bigot to the core, with a lust for greed and power.  He’s also one hell of a dim bulb, who can’t think his way out of a wet paper bag. The president of this country is not supposed to solve the world’s problem, you dipshit. The problems of this country are sufficient, and all he’s done is to make every single thing worse. He recently bragged about ripping families apart and placing tiny children in cages. Seems to me if any horseman is to show, it would be to drag this unrepentant evil shit off to somewhere else. Anywhere else.

So, we’re to get ready, are we? I thought christians were always supposed to be ready. Well, at least those who believe in the rapture nonsense, which was not a part of christian belief until relatively recent times. Just how much time do you all need to pray and holler out “Hey, Jesus, ready!”? We all know this crap isn’t going to happen, but I would love it if you all disappeared. I expect it won’t be long before you dump this theory in favour of the next conspiracy or whatever grabs your fancy.

RWW has the story.

Sunday Facepalm: The Convenience of Conspiracy.

Liz Crokin, who has never met any outlandish idea she didn’t like immediately, jumped all over Kate Spade’s suicide. It’s certainly ugly enough to have no respect whatsoever for Ms. Spade and her loved ones, but Liz always has to take it one step further. Back in the first week of June, within hours of the news breaking about Ms. Spade, Liz was conspiratatin’ away:

…“The circumstances, just from the initial reports are very shady, they’re very suspicious, she allegedly hung herself with a red scarf and when I hear things like that I immediately think Illuminati and occult symbolism. The Illuminati is obsessed with the color red, we also know that the pedophile Satanists are obsessed with handkerchiefs, talk about handkerchiefs in the [John] Podesta emails,” Crokin said.

Crokin said that pictures of Spade and her husband show them to be “your typical creepy occult couple” and said the couple reminded her of “Tony Podesta and his ex-wife, who looks like Cruella de Vil.” She then urged viewers to search for images of Andy Spade and “pizza,” claiming that numerous photos of him delivering boxes of pizza were evidence that Spade is a pedophile.

That’s conspiracy number one, which she was pushing all over the place, including tweeting photos of Ms. Spade’s husband with pizzas. Gosh, that pizza thing, it’s so darn rare, why normal people never order pizza!

Apparently, conspiracy number one wasn’t good enough, or Liz just decided she could not leave it alone, so she came up with a new one:

…During her recent appearance on Dave Hodges’ “The Common Sense Show,” Crokin seized on the fact that Spade’s husband was spotted wearing a mouse mask in the days following her death, which she asserted was something he was forced to do in order to signal to others not to “rat out” the Clintons.

[…]

“There is so much symbolism to that,” she said, adding that she read a theory on the internet that this mask “was strategically left and he was instructed to wear that mask in public. It looks like a mouse but it is really supposed to represent a rat and he was instructed to wear it in public because allegedly Kate Spade was ratting on these people. That is why she was—quote unquote—a suicide and he had to wear that mask publicly to let the others know this is what happens to you if you rat any of us out.”

“I believe that because I know how these people operate and that’s how they operate,” Crokin said.

When Hodges asked Crokin exactly who Spade may have been ratting out, Crokin replied by noting that Spade had been “tied to the Clinton Foundation.”

“So there you go,” she concluded.

There you go indeed. This is conspiracy number two. I wonder how long before conspiracy number three shows up. That’s the convenience of being a conspiracy fan, you can simply switch things all about, and pretend it’s all connected in this ooga booga scary way. For thinking people, it’s a headache inducing eyeroll, and it’s hard to believe so many people are willing to buy such utter bullshit wholesale.

The Cure for All Venereal Diseases!

The cure for all venereal disease, brought to you by…Jim Bakker, who else? One might enquire just what good christians might need with such a cure, but I doubt any sort of answer would ensue. By the way, silver is not a cure for fucking anything, particularly not venereal disease. It’s of no more use than mercury used to be, so don’t even think about it.

Source.

From Jim’s scamsite:

Silver Solution Gel

Silver Solution Gel (24ppm) works faster, longer and more efficiently than other silvers to promote natural healing.

  • Faster – By using catalytic instead of chemical action,  Silver helps speed up natural processes that have positive effects on the body.
  • Longer – Unlike other silvers that quit working after completing one function, Silver performs over and over for hours.
  • More Efficiently – By resonating at just the right frequency, Silver disrupts foreign elements without disturbing the body’s natural environment.

Silver Solution Gel provides soothing action for the skin and can be applied as needed. This four-ounce tube is perfect for toting in your purse or stowing in your desk drawer, glove box or medicine cabinet.

NO. No, no, no, to all that shit. Not so, not true, bullshit all the way. I do note that good ol’ Jim doesn’t personally believe in all these amazing benefits from silver, as he hasn’t turned even a light shade of gray-blue, [argyria] which is what taking colloidal silver will do to you eventually, and it’s permanent.  It’s not any nice shade of blue, either. It’s barely blue, more a decayed corpse colour.

A Weather Warrior Staff and Authority Over…Nothing.

Self-styled prophetess Kat Kerr has a special staff for controlling the weather. And the authority, from her buddy Jesus. Unfortunately, they both seem to wandering about with very limp authority.

On Memorial Day, Alberto was heading toward the southern United States and Kerr used her “weather warrior staff” to declare that the storm would dissipate and not cause any flooding, damage, or deaths.

“I, as a believer of Jesus Christ, I take authority over that storm,” Kerry declared. “I say to you storm, ‘You will diminish.’”

There has been many a time when I’ve rested my cheek on a window and yelled at the universe over the 3rd bloody blizzard in a month, and it’s never done a bit of good. Maybe I need a special weather warrior staff. I suppose a ridiculously skimpy costume might be needed too.

“You are going to hear reports of it being downgraded because it has to obey us,” she guaranteed. […] “You will not do destruction to your country,” Kerr told the storm. “You will not bring flooding rains. We command the rain to cease.”

Unfortunately, this authority business didn’t work at all. [one, two, three.] Good thing I didn’t spend money on that weather warrior staff. Well, that disobedient Storm Alberto didn’t deter Kat from giving it another go, this time with a volcano.

Kerr also commanded the volcano that has been erupting on Hawaii’s largest island for over a month now to stop flowing.

“We have authority over volcanoes,” she said. “We can even tell them to stop. Christ stopped the storm. So while we’re taking power and authority over the devil controlling that volcano—people are going to be laughing about this, I totally ignore them. Just ignore them. They don’t know what they’re saying and they don’t even know what’s going on. They don’t understand spirit realm authority. They don’t understand that Jesus made us joint heirs, but I do.”

You might understand spirit realm authority, Ms. Kerr, but as all its properties amount to nothing, zip, zilch, nada, who gives a fuck? You can shake your stick all you like, but it’s not going to an effect on a volcano.

“So I take authority over that volcano,” Kerr declared. “I command it to cease exploding, shooting out the lava, that the pressure be released but without any destruction to people. I command that lava, you will stop flowing and you will crystallize before you touch any more people or their property.”

Crystallize? You looking for a nice staff topper or something? Oh, maybe that’s your problem – there’s no knob on the end! Oh wait, you have to be a wizard for that one. Tsk.  It seems the volcano isn’t interested in hearing you out, Kat. Perhaps if you put on a skimpy outfit a la Storm, slap a crystal on that staff, and stand on the rim…hey, it might work!

RWW has the full story, and another video.

Demonization and Ridicule and Mockery, Oh My!

Detail of Satan from Hans Memling's Triptych of Earthly Vanity and Divine Salvation (c. 1485).

Detail of Satan from Hans Memling’s Triptych of Earthly Vanity and Divine Salvation (c. 1485). Source.

This little snippet from Paul “Advanced Luciferian Beings” McGuire caught my eye in his latest screeth, in which he takes issue with people mocking his lunatic nonsense. It’s exactly like what Hitler did to Jewish people, donchaknow? He ends with this:

“Demonization and ridicule and mockery is an essential component in a mind-control brainwashing process that gives you the cultural license to destroy, kill your enemies simply because they may believe in the Constitution and the biblical God,” McGuire warned. “So you are looking for a moral license to kill them and you are looking for an immoral narrative that gives you the fake legality to destroy them and massacre them.”

That’s rather the plan of the religious reich, is it not? You want to force everyone else, regardless of belief, to adhere to your lunatic beliefs and ideals. You want to strip women of their autonomy, make sure only white, male, lunatic christian assholes run everything, and force every single person to conform to christian straightness. You want your hate and fear to rule. The rest of us want acceptance and inclusion, and are not afraid to treat all people as people, with full human rights. We want all people to be taken care of, able to provide a roof and food; a good education for all, and we don’t find diversity all terrifyingly scary. And I have absolutely no interest in tearing children from their parents arms, or stripping them of icons which are meaningful to them. But you’re in favour of all that. When I saw this photo, the first thought was “concentration camps. Now we’re doing concentration camps.” I have zero interest in putting anyone in a camp, let alone killing them. I’d be happy if you’d all just shut the fuck up, and get on with your lives. You and the rest of the religious reich would institute the Inquisition in a heartbeat if you could. Being blinded and driven by hatred and fear is no way to live, Mr. McGuire, and yes, I will keep mocking and ridiculing you, because that is exactly what you have earned. I think I’ll stick to my side, thanks.

The whole screeth is at RWW.

Luciferian Advanced Beings and Pharaoh-God Kings!

Paul McGuire, a lunatic lost in conspiracies is at it again, still flogging away on the whole Pharaoh God Kings business, but with added Luciferian Advanced Beings! Ooooh.

“The unprecedented attacks against President Trump and his administration are something that we’ve never seen before in all of human history,” he said. “These unprecedented attacks on Donald Trump are part of the greatest spiritual battle in the history of mankind.”

Sigh. Investigation does not equal attack. I always find it interesting that so many christians are adept at self-brainwashing, but that is part and parcel of Abrahamaic religions. It really wasn’t long ago that we had an actual president, who came under vicious attacks for eight long years. Not long ago at all, but it does feel a lifetime. The religious reich conveniently forgets all that, and happily acts as though no previous president ever was attacked, no. Just the Tiny Tyrant. If the narcissistic asshole sitting in the white house wasn’t a criminal, there wouldn’t be an investigation. That’s how these things work.

“The physical battles that we see in our world and nation right now are a direct manifestation of the spiritual battles going on in the invisible realm,” McGuire added. “There are people very high up in what is called the globalist occult or globalist Luciferian rulership system, and this rulership system consists of what used to be called the Pharaoh-God Kings, it’s what Aldous Huxley called ‘The Scientific Dictatorship,’ and these are advanced beings who know how to tap into supernatural multidimensional power and integrate it with science, technology, and economics.”

It’s interesting, the determination to keep hold of all the old bugbears, while trying to put a modern spin on them. Oh yeah, it’s Lucifer and Pharaoh God Kings, but with Science, Supernatural Multidimensional Power, technology, and economics! Got to try and make it interesting, I suppose. There’s a problem with the whole Lucifer business though – there is no Lucifer in the bible. Lucifer is yet another bad translation in the KJV. There is Hêlêl ben Šāḥar, that would be your bad guy. Granted, that’s a bit more of a mouthful than Lucifer, but practice makes perfect! As for Aldous Huxley and “the scientific dictatorship”, he never said that. That didn’t stop someone from plastering all over the net, unfortunately.

“They are people at the highest level of the pyramidic organizational structure in which the highest ranking officers, if you will, of the New World Order and Mystery Babylon are ruling the earth through an organizational structure that looks like the pyramid on the back of the U.S. dollar,” he stated. “And they control the world because they understand that the true control of the world is done through supernatural mechanisms.”

“Mystery Babylon”? What in the fuck is that? A pyramid. Hmmm. I haven’t noticed any gigantic pyramids anywhere. Perhaps I’m just not looking hard enough. Or maybe it’s in the earth’s core. Who the hell knows. Okay, so they know control is managed through supernatural ooogaboooga. What happened to Jehovah then? That’s supposed to be his demesne, is it not? How about that lazy, ineffectual god do something for a change. Light a bush on fire, something.

Via RWW.

Beware The Dolls!

Three Dolls, Vintage Warehouse.

Three Dolls, Vintage Warehouse.

Democratic Florida state Rep. Kim Daniels is also an exorcist preacher whose bill requiring all public schools to display “In God We Trust” goes into effect this summer. Ms. Daniels also has a thing about dolls. And witches. Now granted, dolls are creepy (at least to me), but they aren’t demonic or otherwise possessed. If you’re afraid of dolls, well, they’re kinda like vampires – you have to invite them in, after you’ve purchased them of course (or worse, made them!)

In her book, Breaking the Power of Familiar Spirits: How to Deal With Demonic Conspiracies (June 5, 2018), Daniels writes on how evil spirits operate under covers that make up our everyday lives. From fashion to furniture, from trends to traditions, and from rituals to dolls, Daniels shows how the familiar areas of our lives can harbor demonic influences. One of these areas is fetishes.

“Most idolatry is rooted in fetishism,” Daniels writes. “Simply put, a fetish is an object with a spirit attached to it. If we’re not vigilant, we can open doors to familiar spirits in our lives and homes simply by the items we possess and the practices we keep.”

In writing on fetishism and idolatry, Daniels goes back in history to when dolls had spiritual value attached to them. In religions and occult practices, dolls were used as supernatural intermediaries to confer favor, represent gods and enact witchcraft.

Oy. If we’re going to talk fetishes, how about we have a nice chat about the overwhelming amount of christian ones? Generally speaking, dolls have a long history of being toys, a comfort item for young children. If you go back far enough, dolls were happy comfort items for all genders, they weren’t just for girl children. As for ‘representing gods’, let’s go have a cleansing of every single fucking christian based church. No more altars. No more ugly crucifixes with Jesus dolls on. No more rosaries. No more statues. No more stained glass windows. And so on. I mean, you wouldn’t want to take a chance, would you?

“If you create an atmosphere of holiness and seek God,” Daniels says, “everything that is not like God will come out of hiding and be exposed.”

Great idea! From now on, all christians need to strip their homes of all the comfy material stuff, because it could be harbouring a spirit! Live like monks or nuns. And no fetishes, either!

Via Joe My God and Charisma News.