Somewhere, Jim Bakker is furious: he’s got competition in the “post-apocalyptic tactical goop food” department.
Britons are waking up to the realization that fracturing their global trade agreements will result in wild price fluctuations – and perhaps shortages – of staples. Rather than being sensible, and laying in a good supply of rice, ramen noodles, and heat-and-eat Indian food, some of them are turning to purveyors of long shelf-life comestibles. It’s as if “Make England Great Again” also means returning to the English cooking I remember as a child: everything boiled or fried, flavorless except for the parts that were strongly grease-flavored. As Dennis Leary said about Irish cooking, “It’s not a cuisine, it’s a penance”* Right now I am racking my brains to imagine what a long self-life Spotted Dick pudding would taste like.
[deluxe] Brexit Box is cheaper than Bakker’s “Complete Grocery Store Offer” at only £595.00 but I think that may be because the pound keeps dropping further into exchange rate hell as the final option “Clueless Brexit” looms over the horizon.
WHAT MAKES IT GREAT
- – Up to 25 Years Shelf Life
- – Best Brexit Stockpile Kit
- – UK Made
- – Not A Blend – Fully Freeze Dried Meals To Lock In Nutrition And Quality
- – Easy To Store
- – Great Nutrition
- – Great Tasting Meals
I’m not sure what “Not a Blend” means and how “fully Freeze Dried” is a feature. But that’s probably because I remember what “fully Freeze Dried” salisbury steak patties tasted like in Vietnam-era C-rations.
It’s hardly food for ultra-nationalists, though, it appears to consist of the global cuisine of “stuff that has been boiled down a long time”, AKA: textureless stew.
WHATS IN IT
For individual meal details click on each individual name. For a summary of all meals details click here.
- Macaroni Cheese – 1 Tins (10 Servings)
- Pasta Bolognaise – 1 Tin (8 Servings)
- Chicken Tikka – 1 Tin (8 Servings)
- Chicken Fajita – 1 Tin (8 Servings)
- Beef And Potato Stew – 1 Tin (6 Servings)
- Sweet And Sour Chicken– 1 Tin (8 Servings)
- Diced Chicken – 1 tin (24 portions)
- Minced Beef – 1 tin (24 portions)
- Morning Oats with Raspberry – Tin (18 Servings)
- Scrambled Egg with Cheese – 1 Tin (8 Servings)
- Chocolate Mousse 1 Tin (15 Servings)
- Rice Pudding 1 Tin (8 Servings)
I’ve had long shelf-life pasta, too. It’s pretty horrible.
I love the stove and the fuel. Do they assume that Britain will become fuel-less and forget how to make fire? If they need a fire, they can burn pound-notes and rich people’s mansions.
Sun Tzu probably would have some Brexit-appropriate quips like: “If you can talk your enemy into punching themselves in the face, you should do so.” I don’t.
Vietnam-era C-rations – in basic training they would give recruits the last war’s crap food, to get rid of it without producing toxic waste in the environment. I got to eat the new “Meals, Ready To Eat” later and they were nowhere near as horrible. Army food is an example of the Overton Window in action.
* Leary probably stole that from someone who was actually funny.