Since some of my comrades here on FTB seem to be posting pictures of birds, I thought I’d offer some footage from my bedroom window a few years ago. It started when the Turkey Committee chair convened the meeting, and rapidly got out of hand. I was on a conference call for about an hour and a half, and the turkeys kept up this level of activity the whole time.

I admit I was tempted to overlay this with a voiceover from the Republican primary debates, but I don’t want to antagonize the turkeys.

There’s a pond at the back of my yard, and a cornfield up to the side, and that winter, every day, the turkeys would start down by the pond, then stomp their way up to the cornfield. The males would run out ahead of the hens and would puff their tails out hugely, and pose dramatically. The hens would keep walking past them, with their ear-buds firmly in their ears, looking at their smart-phones. When they passed, the males would deflate, run ridiculously up in front of them, then strike a pose again, “Hey baby, hey baby. Take your earphones out I’m talking to you!” The hens just kept walking, they had better things to do.

This, by the way, is one of the reasons I am unimpressed by hunters. They like to pretend they are doing difficult stalky camouflagey stuff, but I could have dropped a copy of “The Elements of Style” on one of them, and been a Mighty Killer Of Wild Things. I don’t bait wildlife to come near the house or anything; now that my dogs have gotten out of the dog business, wildlife can come right up to the house unwoofed-at.



  1. kestrel says

    That’s hilarious! It *does* look like the Republican scuffle for the primary spot on the ticket.

  2. says

    Eeee, you had a big ol’ Tom out there!

    Yesterday, Jayne finally noticed the turkeys and chased them, the idiot. The turkeys weren’t terribly impressed by him.

  3. says

    Eeee, you had a big ol’ Tom out there!

    His name is The Donald.
    Little Marco and Ted are the ones beak-wrestling.

    Miles and Jake would have destroyed a turkey. There was one time (before they learned that eating the deer was BAD) I came home and they had disassembled a deer all over the driveway. Miles was wearing its ribcage like a hat. 150# littermates that hunt as a team are bad news for critters. Miles used to lie in this one spot and Jake would chase rabbits practically into his mouth. I had to get them to stop that, too, after Miles chug-a-lugged a rabbit and its skull blocked his poopie and he couldn’t trump until he got an enema. Oh, the fun we had that day!

  4. Raucous Indignation says

    No, Marcus, no. No trigger warning. I warmly remember EOS. It may be outdated now, but it helped form me into the annoying pedant I am today.