Officer Is Friendly If You is White

We have been raised on a steady diet of propaganda that Officer Friendly is, well, our friend.

Your Policeman is Your Friend

To some extent … that may be true, in the sense that good servants are repaid well by their masters. The stereotype of


the Irish New York beat cop owes more to the poverty of irish immigrants than to their skin color. Police were only allowed to unionize in some states (e.g: Pennsylania) in 1915, during the depression and periods of labor unrest.

Read that between the lines and it says the police sided with labor, i.e.: not the oligarchy. Maybe they were tired of having to break heads at the steel mills or something. Or maybe, like the brave police heroes of today, they were tired of risking being hurt by resistance. There is a huge body of interesting history about the Pinkertons’, the early days of policing and the unions, early terrorism in the US, and – of course – the FBI – that I could keep you entertained with for years. But. yeah, the old movies where officer O’Malley knuckles his cap to the oligarch? That’s exactly right. “Boardwalk Empire” and “Deadwood” are not quite documentaries but are fairly accurate depictions of the degree to which law enforcement is about enforcing the prevalence of whatever gang is in power, not justice.

Policing is not considered a highly paid career – that’s why it’s been relatively open to advancement. After all, the 1% don’t want to have to rein in the children of other 1%ers when they go four wheeling across the golf course.

In the interest of maintaining social order we are taught from an early age to obey the police, because, they’re our friends.

It doesn’t take Socrates to tell you that’s a straightforward argument from authority. We’re not being told to behave because it’s the right thing to do because then we’d have to ask the police “hey, why can’t Mrs Obrycki smoke that weed?” Maybe the cop doesn’t actually have a very good answer.


When you dig into cops behaving like moral nihilists* it’s not hard to find paydirt. If the cops can’t find a reason to bust you, they’re pretty happy with making up a reason, then busting you for that.

What you need to remember about cops is that they’re not your friends, they’re your employees. And in a lot of cases, they’re really, really, dangerous and bad employees.

Think about that software engineer down the hall. You know, the one who writes ruby on rails apps, and doesn’t know how to debug code? Give them a gun and expect them to keep order when they’re hung over and tired and maybe a bit full of adrenaline. Expect that software engineer to execute good judgement and show great fire control in a person-to-person encounter where all their social and racial preconceptions can come strut onstage. How do you think it’s going to work for you? When I was a kid, arguing with my dad as a revolutionary (like most 15 year olds do!) I learned that revolutions only happen when the standing military and the police join the side of the rebels. This is why the wise oligarch makes sure their police are well-armed and well-fed. The reason why New York and Boston cops used to be irish was so that the predominantly irish police force could clan up against all the other immigrants when it came time for some head-busting time. It’s the old “divide et impera” all over again.

The wise oligarch also makes sure their police are not complete chucklefucks, but it’s a safe bet – though a sad one – that the police are going to be underpaid, doing a dirty job, and being unpopular, besides. Basic strategy dictates that if you’re going to give your employees hurtful tools, they should know the right direction to point them. My father and I debate,


endlessly, whether it’s a good sign, or a bad sign, that the police are increasingly militarized. On one hand, they are less likely to miss. On the other hand, they are increasingly going to look like the US 7th Cavalry going on “search and destroy” missions to pacify resistance in inconvenient neighborhoods.

What do you notice about these early pieces of police propaganda?

Well, yeah, everyone is WHITE.

I have to tell you about a shameful thing here, but it’s true. Last night I was talking to my sweetie Anna, and I was ranting a bit about cops who shoot dogs. I hate cops that shoot dogs – and so should you – because: dogs! Dogs are awesome!

Then she said, kinda softly, but so it carried over the fan-noise from the computer: “You know, you white guys complain more when cops shoot a dog than when they shoot a black person.


And I look through my 1950s version of “officer friendly” who we’ve all been propagandized to obey and I realize it’s part and profound parcel of a systematic program of propaganda. Remember: Heinrich Himmler created the SS** to be a copy of the FBI, not the other way around; he admired their clean-cut professionalism.

I am not saying to go shoot cops. I am saying that cops know which side their bread is buttered on and we all know it, too, and we ought to act that way. Cops need to understand (and they mostly do) that we can shoot back. In that matter I unreservedly hold with the Black Panthers’ carrying rights: follow cops around and blow them away if they’re being racists. They need oversight.

The founding fathers of the USA were deeply concerned with controlling the forces that might be arrayed against them*** and I am frankly surprised that the oligarchy is giving today’s police the kind of stuff that they are.

Cops know that they’re one of the fulcrums of the police state – when they start to flutter the whole thing is in play.

The cops in Baton Rouge who shot Alton Sterling at the same moment as I was complaining to my Anna about cops shooting dogs…  They’re continuing to write checks against a bank account that’s a long time past due.

We need better cops in this country. We need them bad, and we need them fast. Not tougher cops:

Better cops.

(* I am going to use the definition of moral nihilism, here, in a limited form, i.e.the the justification of the ends is their means)

(** Technically, SD, Sicherheitsdienst but I do not want to argue nazism details with any of you and you don’t want to argue them with me, trust me!)

(*** Because they were a scary bunch of crooks, tax-dodgers, traitors and cheats)


  1. says

    We need better cops in this country. We need them bad, and we need them fast. Not tougher cops:

    Better cops.

    That might be more easily achieved if cop shops all over the states didn’t have an unwritten policy of turning down applicants they deem to be “too smart”.

  2. says

    f turning down applicants they deem to be “too smart”

    Fuck Caine, it’s like some kind of “survival of the fittest” evolutionary feedback process, or something.

  3. says


    Fuck Caine, it’s like some kind of “survival of the fittest” evolutionary feedback process, or something.

    It is. The standards to be a cop are just about non-existent. Yes, some seriously scary people are caught in time, and flagged, but that’s about it. It wasn’t that long ago the story broke about cop shops not wanting smart applicants, saying that they would be more prone to boredom and overly restless with routine as the reasoning behind it, but you know that’s a lie.

    You brought up the problem back in Maryland (I think) of the domestic abusers can’t have guns law, because it meant a fucktonne of cops wouldn’t be able to carry a gun. Way back when, cops were free to be as abusive as they liked, and now, the smarter abusive bigots are more canny in their actions. Worse are those cops who are absolutely blatant in their actions, like openly murdering black people, because they know they can get away with it. Look at all the support these murderous cops get, as one after another of them is acquitted of any wrongdoing. The trial for the murder of Freddie Gray is ongoing, two of the officers involved have already been acquitted.

    Anna is right, too. I’ve seen it myself, over and over and over. People will get outraged over a cop killing an animal, and rightly so, but they get very quiet when cops kill a black person, or an Indian. No one quite manages to get outraged then.

  4. says

    Caine@#3: I think there has to be some happy medium between “let’s hang all the cops in the guts of all the priests” and the current situation – but they don’t appear to be listening.

    If they were abusing me and mine I would be speaking with .308s. I prefer Socrates’ dialectic.

    Anna is so damn right.
    I apologize. I am so damn sorry.

  5. EnlightenmentLiberal says

    Glad to see you have a blog here Marcus. I’ve always enjoyed your comments and posts to other blogs on FTB.

    About this topic, I strongly believe that without personal liability for cops for their misdeeds, civil and criminal, it’s almost a pointless exercise to try to fix the system. And to accomplish that, the best method that I’ve found, and perhaps the only truly effective method, is to drastically reduce or outright eliminate all special powers and immunities enjoyed by cops, and a return of private criminal prosecutions.

    It amazes me how few people know that this country and constitution was founded on the implicit assumption of private criminal prosecutions, and little to no special powers and immunities for “cops”. I’m also sometimes surprised that the founders didn’t have something in the bill of rights for this, but I guess that they thought it was so completely fundamental – private criminal prosecutions – that they would never be done away with.

  6. says


    Having cops thare maybe a bit more than room temperature would do.

    Right now the US police are horribly contaminated by the left-over chairborne rangers of the US military. You wanna look for toxic masculinity It’s fucking nuclear weapons-grade masculinity.

  7. says

    Marcus @ 8:

    Caine@#3: having cops thare maybe a bit more than room temperature would do.

    Perhaps. The reason that smarter than average cops are screened out is that the smarter people have a tendency to ask questions, and even worse, they might question orders. They might even decide the system needs changing, and you can’t have that. Cop shops want officers who don’t question authority in any way. I think they need several boatloads of serious smart asses.

  8. Dunc says

    The wise oligarch also makes sure their police are not complete chucklefucks […] I am frankly surprised that the oligarchy is giving today’s police the kind of stuff that they are.

    Sadly, our oligarchs are no longer wise (if they ever were).

  9. says

    our oligarchs are no longer wise

    Oligarchs have also learned to take advantage of international mobility. No doubt ours expect that if things go too haywire here they’ll all find nice homes in some other country that’s willing to give them a sweet deal in order to have them come, uh, liven up the local arts scene or whatever it is oligarchs actually do that’s of value. Remember the screams when the Cypriots tried to give the Russian oligarchs (and maybe a few British and American ones as well…) a savings account haircut? The money moved out of Cyprus a week before the Cypriots announced they were even thinking of doing it – oligarchs gotta oligarch. They stick together. They did the same thing during the French Revolution – the only ones that ended up decorating the knitting at Place Nation were the slow and stupid oligarchs.