I was talking with a friend of mine, who announced their intention to start drinking at the New Years’ party and not stop until the election is over.
I’m just not strong enough to drink like that.
Good fortune, my friends. This new year is going to be shitty.
Another friend asked me if I got what I wanted for christmas.
Me: (mopey) “Nope.”
Friend: “What did you want?”
Me: “Another heart attack for Donald Trump.”