Welcome Our New Oligarch!


Are you scared?

I guess it’s nice to see that not only dotcom gazillionaires, vampires, and bodybuilders want to get into politics.

Kid Rock grew up here, not in a trailer [source]

Yes, the man who once boasted that he’s “got queens holding keys to his zipper” is teasing a run for the US Senate. He’s small-time for an oligarch, with a net worth of only $80 million, but he’s a genuine “rags to riches” story – no, that’s a lie – his father owned a string of car dealerships and he grew up on a ‘luxury estate’.

I ain’t no G, I’m just a regular failure
I ain’t straight outta Compton, I’m straight out the trailer

I hate to say this, but he’s articulate and can rhyme. That makes him a better communicator than our current president. He can even golf.

Politically, a libertarian, in spite of his working-class poor posturing he’s a child of privilege.

In other words, he outta fit right in,
with a bunch a bills and a bottle of gin,
grab lots of crotch, wear a Rolex watch an a douchebro hat.
Get in the big house where all the bills is at,
do some product placement
do some drugs in the basement
ha ha ha, you wanna pimp? You got it.
When I say ‘big house’ I’m talking the great white one, baby!

I’d give him a fair chance. Especially if the Ted Nugent and Metallica fans vote for him.

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If you hate this series, think how I feel. I hate that it’s has to become a series. I’m already not a fan of democracy, but this is a fucking circus.

Comments

  1. says

    I’m sure all the usual suspects will tell him to shut up and sing.

    Or not. They seem to only get their dander up when it’s a left-leaning entertainer who gets political.

  2. obscure1 says

    ——There’s No Business Like Show Business—–https://thebaffler.com/the-immediate-experience/the-ministry-of-politainment

  3. says

    Especially if the Ted Nugent and Metallica fans vote for him.

    Oh now, that’s unnecessary. I love Metallica’s music, can’t stand Nugent’s, and I can’t say I’ve ever cared for ‘Kid Rock’, either. You certainly wouldn’t find my Metallica loving self voting for him.

  4. says

    Caine@#4:
    Oh now, that’s unnecessary. I love Metallica’s music,

    It was a reference to Kid Rock’s performances with Metallica on “American Badass”
    Which was actually pretty good. There’s some crossover fan-base there.

  5. chigau (違う) says

    Without my glasses (or with them … I forget), that picture uptop looked like Marcus.

  6. Raucous Indignation says

    Metallica and Nugent are divergent tastes. Or one is a complete lack thereof. Or something.

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