You May Need to Wash Your Brain, Too


Warning: sexism, body self-image, marketing

A friend of mine sent me a link to this, because someone gave them this product as a sort of a joke…  But it’s not a joke.

Shiny Hiney [amazon]

Shiny Hiney [amazon]

This seems to be another case of marketing thinking of a way to make you uncomfortable about yourself, in order to get your money.

The video is terrible – you may not want to watch it. Because the problem is they have a lot of girls dancing around singing about how their are keeping their – you know – clean – but they can’t say what it is, apparently. So if I were really out to lunch I might think that they’re selling some kind of bikini bottom polishing system, or something.

Someone spent money on this, producing the product, designing the packaging, managing the inventory, having a jillion of them made and shipped over through the miracle of the global transport system.

I think this may be fractally wrong. But I also warn you, if you look on amazon you’ll discover there is a veritable ecosystem of asshole whitening creams and cleaning tools.

What do I do to get rid of an orange asshole?

Comments

  1. says

    What do I do to get rid of an orange asshole?

    Now that’s a question in dire need of a good answer. As to the rest of the ass wash products, yes, it’s a good idea to make sure you get that area nice and clean with some soap and water, and that’s all you need. To me, this is pretty much the same as the whole douche business, selling people shit they don’t need, and in many cases, it’s shit that’s seriously bad for you to do.

    The anal bleaching stuff is also marketed to men, though. It can also be seen as an extension of American prudery and puritanism. Regular hygiene is never enough, oh no, break out the bleach, bleach those teeth until there’s no enamel left, then get special dental procedures! Bleach everything! Scrub, scrub, scrub, and be an obsessive, judgmental ass about it all, too.

  2. NYC atheist says

    Once again, Caine takes my general vague aversion to something I think is off but can’t explain exactly why, and puts it into words.

    If there were any justice in the world, that comment would win the internet.

  3. NYC atheist says

    And the banner ad in this post is for summers eve.

    Sorry for the hat trick post, I’ll shut up now.

  4. says

    Caine@#1:
    It can also be seen as an extension of American prudery and puritanism.

    Yes, christianity at its worst: you’re never really clean enough. We’re created with buttholes that expel poop, and commanded to keep then winking and – of course – white.

  5. chigau (違う) says

    I always thought that heinie(sp) = buttocks.
    This seems to be a device for use on the anus.
    Please explain.
    or not

  6. multitool says

    And don’t forget shaving!

    Shave every sq cm of your body until you look like a plastic blow-up doll, or a 9 year old. Anyone looking like a grown woman should be shamed and humiliated!

  7. NYC atheist says

    @Chigau
    I’m under the impression it just means your ass in general. Buttocks and anus.

  8. says

    NYC atheist@#11: @Chigau

    Someone could probably do some ads around the theme “URANUS is DIRTY” … I think the reason they called it “hiney” is because there are specific no-no words for no-no places that make Americans curl up and cry. If someone actually talked about their butthole on TV, the current president would take it personally.

  9. Rob Grigjanis says

    Caine @1: One of the culture shocks I experienced coming to Canada from England in 1968 was the (to me) obsession with cleanliness and deodorants. Dog forbid you smell like a human!

  10. Rob Grigjanis says

    Marcus @13: I brush my tongue. Smoking and drinking coffee or tea make it obligatory, for me anyway.

  11. says

    Rob Grigjanis@#15:
    I drink so much tea and coffee that my dentist always yells at me to stop smoking.

    It’s funny because now we have a whole generation of dentists that have never seen tetracycline overdose stains. (A French doctor overdosed me on the stuff when I was nearly dying of an ear infection back around 1965 or so)

  12. says

    NYC Atheist @ 2:

    Once again, Caine takes my general vague aversion to something I think is off but can’t explain exactly why, and puts it into words.

    If there were any justice in the world, that comment would win the internet.

    Umm, you wanna come and hang out at Affinity, forever? :D

    Rob @ 14:

    One of the culture shocks I experienced coming to Canada from England in 1968 was the (to me) obsession with cleanliness and deodorants. Dog forbid you smell like a human!

    Yeah, I know. It’s obsessive overload, really. There’s this intense pressure to, um, plasticize yourself. As you say, simply being human is terribly frowned upon.

    Oh, and I brush the ol’ tongue too. You do not want to know the nasty left overnight when you take pain meds. Ick. Tongue brushing is a perfectly normal and accepted part of hygiene. Most bad breath problems are tongue based, not teef based.

  13. says

    Uh. Is anyone going to admit that you might want to keep it clean to delight someone you’re hoping will stick a penis into it? Which, well, not 100℅ unreasonable. Arguably somewhat pointless, but there it is.

    And yes, you don’t really need a special tool. But the motivation doesn’t *have* to be steeped in evil.

    I don’t *think* I’m being a clean freak when it pleases me to reduce the amount of poo on my superbly manly penis. And I have kids and a dog. I am as insensitive to poo as one can get, I think, without having an active fetish. But still.

  14. Rob Grigjanis says

    Andrew @23: How does this keep anything cleaner than would soap, water, and, if necessary, your fingers? Sorry, but I think trying to convince people they need something they don’t actually need is an evil.

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