It’s no secret – treatment tore me up and I’m pretty fragile. My mental mess has spilled out into every aspect of my life. Right now I’m just trying to hang on. It’s been one wild ride.
I have a good life but uncovering the root causes of my eating disorder revealed that it’s not as good as it seems. Now that I really see that, I know I have a lot of work to do.
I spend a lot of time alone during the day which unfortunately gives me ample opportunity to ruminate on hard feelings. Sometimes all I can do is write about it.
I cry every day and many nights I don’t want to go to bed because I don’t want a new day to begin. I’m holding on by a thin, frayed thread.
But then I get some sleep – my body and brain get some much-needed rest and I find a tiny bit of optimism in the morning.
Every day I walk around feeling like I’m going to fall apart but for some reason, I still get up in the morning and do shit. Even after everything that’s happened – the trauma, the treatment, and the exhausting range of emotions – I still think better things are yet to come. Obviously, I can’t see the future, but I think my situation will improve.
I’m not blowing sunshine up anyone’s ass. This is truly how I feel and how I’m making it through the day.
Feelings are temporary.
Feelings are temporary.
Feelings are temporary.
I don’t need god. I know how to ask for help and I have the strength to heal myself.
I just have to hang on.
What motivates you? How do you find hope when everything’s gone to shit?