Naked Confidence: Sex and Eating Disorder Recovery (Poem and Memoir Update)

I’ve been working really hard on my memoir about atheism and mental health, and that’s the main reason I haven’t been blogging as much lately. It’s coming along nicely and I can’t wait to share it with everyone. It will be published by Freethought House just like my recent poetry book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy. 

I’m happy to say the memoir will also include a few poems. This one is called “Naked Confidence” and it is included in a short section about having sex when you have an eating disorder. 

When I was younger and really struggling with my eating disorder, I preferred to have sex in the dark to hide my flaws. I was thin and pretty but always worried about what I looked like while having sex. It was a chore. I had sex to please my partner but rarely enjoyed it myself. It was pretty sad — I was young and should have been having fun.

Fast forward to today — I’m older, overweight, and married to my husband for 11 years. I love having sex — with the lights on. I feel confident with my husband and we have sex more now than when we were first married.

This poem is about finding your confidence and enjoying sex. 

 

Naked Confidence

Nourish me.
My body,
soft and feminine,
has an appetite.
Touch me.
Graze your fingertips
over my smooth milky curves.
Flip the switch —
no longer in the dark.
I let go
and have fun.
The taste of your lips
gives me tingles.
I want you,
but I must put myself
first sometimes.
My amazing body
needs to be loved
by me
before I can enjoy
time with you.
So I smile,
giggle,
and show you what I want.
This is my revolution.

I will post updates as the memoir progresses.

Five Foot Nothing

Five Foot Nothing

 

At five foot nothing
fear towers over me
brushing my curls
with its far-fetched dreams.

Heavy bombs fall from high above.
I retreat to somewhere low
and quiet.
Defeat blankets the ground. 

My path is out of reach,
out of touch,
and I’m out of steam.
How I wish I could look the world in the eye.

Give me a boost
and I’ll take a step up.
Words are packed with power
and your words make me sing.

Inch over agonizing inch.
With a little help,
I can taste the stars
at five foot nothing.

My Scars, My Story — poem from Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy

My Scars, My Story

My curls screamed
as they were straightened.
My songs
were stripped from my lungs.
Fresh freedom
was depleted when I gasped.
Shackles of indoctrination
imprisoned my peers.
I was alone.
Time was never on my side
in that small tired town.
Even when I left,
cruel judgment branded
a lasting impression—
scars that are just
a part of my story
that I’ll finish in my own words.

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.comBarnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)

The Bench (Erotic Poetry)

This is one of my husband’s favorite poems from my erotic poetry book.

 

The Bench

 

The after dinner
golden hour,
a bench
in the nearby park —
I have a plan
that I think you’ll like.

Take a seat.
A kiss —
we’re alone.
I get down
on my knees,
undo your pants,
and take your cock
into my mouth.

Warmth —
the setting sun
on your face,
my hands
on your body.
You’re anxious
we’ll get caught.
I continue
with eager hands and tongue.
You cum hard
and I look up at you
and smile.

Quiet walks in the evening
in the nearby park —
every time
you see this bench,
I want you
to think about the naughty things
we did here —
and smile.

Ode to My Husband’s Tongue/Erotic Poetry Book Update

I am wrapping up my erotic poetry book. At the moment it stands at 73 poems. I have no idea what the future holds for this book, but I’ve had an absolute blast writing it.

Ode to My Husband’s Tongue

It’s soft —
luscious.
Pink like me.
A weapon
when my husband’s on his knees.
The creator of tingles
and shockwaves.
It strokes,
swirls,
leaving me floating
among the clouds.
When my husband
opens my world with two fingers,
it sweeps across my button —
the epicenter.
He likes my taste.
It’s warm,
wet,
delicious.
It speaks
even when it’s not speaking.
It brings pleasure
that lingers in my dreams.

Christian Admirer

This is a poem about young boyfriends who try to convert you. (Another selection from my book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy.)

Christian Admirer

Eyes of lust and honeydew
don’t mean I grant you permission
to invade my liberated world.
Drop the slate
and let the luster fade.
If you want in my life
I’m gonna need you raw, be real.
Give up
because you’ll never change me.
Your envy shines like emeralds.
I bet purity burns like hell.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.comBarnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)

I am also available for speaking engagements.

Speaking Engagements — Can I Finally Relax?

Last night I had a speaking engagement with Cleveland Humanist Alliance. I had a really great time and it was so nice to meet freethinkers from my home state of Ohio! 

This whole process of having my poetry book published and now promoting it has really been quite the journey. I’m a pretty shy and anxious person so I never envisioned myself doing so many speaking engagements. I’m normally a nervous wreck on the day of an event but yesterday felt a little different. I was totally nervous but not to the same degree. Have I finally been doing this long enough that I can relax? Probably not but it’s getting a tiny bit easier. 

Even though I was a little more relaxed, last night was difficult. I’ve been sick recently. I had a fever last weekend. I have a cough and my sinuses are killing me. (FYI I’m fully vaccinated so I don’t think it’s covid.) I was just hoping I could make it through. Reading all those poems was tough. I was drinking lots of tea and blowing my nose throughout the presentation. But even with all that, I still think I did a good job.

All of the groups I have spoken to have been extremely welcoming. I’ve met many nice people and even with all the nerves, the presentations have been worth it. I like the discussions we have and it kind of makes me miss spending time with family and friends. I spend a lot of time alone and I normally like it that way but could I actually be craving a little social interaction? 

One thing that happened last night that was completely unexpected was the host shared her screen and showed everyone my Valentine’s Day video. Towards the end of my presentations, I always talk about other projects I’m working on. I mention the erotic poetry book and tell people if they’re curious about it, go to my blog and watch the video posted on Valentine’s Day. I thought I was going to pee my pants. I’m proud of that video but it was a little embarrassing listening to my erotic poetry after having read from Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy. 

If you haven’t seen the video, I’m posting it below. In it, I read three poems from my erotic poetry book. This video is not safe for work or kids.

The speaking engagement I did last night was the last one I have planned right now, but I will be contacting more groups and hope to do more events soon. If you are in a group and up for a little secular poetry, contact me! I would love to speak to your group. 

Bye for now!

My poetry book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)

FtB Mothers Day Anthology: One Anxious Mother

One Anxious Mother

 

One,
two,
three in the morning.
My heavy responsibility
barely weighs thirty pounds.
A resilient little girl
in pink leggings and dirt,
one little life
so fragile.
My stomach drops —
I can’t always protect her.
That sinking feeling
digs deeper in the middle of the night.
Nightmares of how I can lose her
on replay —
She’s drowning
and I can’t reach her.
She falls
and I’m too far away.
My worries
are a constant undercurrent.
There’s no escape.
She’s sleeping safe and sound —
I should be, too.

Poem from My Book — “Baptism”

Happy Thursday! Just sharing another poem from Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy.

Be sure to check out Freethought Blogs this weekend for our Mothers Day fundraiser.

 

Baptism

Every innocent baby
is born tainted
new to the world
but on a direct path to Hell.

A cold splash of submission
followed by pictures and cake
saves their blank slate souls
and fulfills a family’s societal duty.

The child has been marked
for indoctrination, brainwashing,
and conformity—
a fresh young mind donning chains and shackles.

Water should just be water
in a meaningless ceremony
but it becomes a deadly weapon
recruiting for a dangerous army.

Let the well dry up
Let the children go free
Let’s defeat the army
that has imprisoned us all.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.comBarnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)

Grounded

I’ve always liked this one…

Grounded

Ivory giggles and pink powder secrets
power an endless charade.
Let it all hang out
between the pews.
Just once
let the cold stares
see your delicate pearl.
Let lace and tumbleweed
caress your bare skin.
Let your fellow parishioners
blush with envy.
Let reality swallow you whole,
and you’ll realize
you don’t need to look to the skies—
satisfaction is found right here on the ground.

 

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.comBarnes & Noble, and Amazon. (Signed copies are available at freethoughthouse.com.)