Them

Can a sweet and sour love
live happily ever after?
How far can the fire’s embers reach?
Life is in an aquarium
for all the spectators to see.
Naked,
exposed –
like a dandelion in the breeze
I dissipate into a million pieces
carried off by an invisible force.
The spectators grab their popcorn
laugh nervously
and pray it doesn’t happen
to them.

When my knee is finally healed, I’m going to get a new couch. I can’t stand this one anymore.

Anyone got any Netflix or Prime Video recommendations?

It’s been a week since my knee surgery and I’ve pretty much stayed camped out on my living room couch. I’m hooked up to a DVT pump and ice machine. I only get up to use the bathroom and to shower every other day. Obviously, I’m a little bored.

It’s hard for me to find things to write about. I very rarely write fiction; everything’s based on my life and when I’m not leaving the house and doing things, there’s not much to write about. 

But this is NaPoWriMo and I am dedicated to writing poetry every day. Enter the game Paint Chip Poetry. Paint Chip Poetry is a game where you use color names to write poems. It comes with prompt cards and then you draw your colors. You know how you can get those free paint sample cards at Home Depot with the fun color names on them? That’s basically what you are using. It’s a lot of fun. Sometimes my poems turn nonsensical but I’ve noticed the color names are great for developing similies and metaphors. It’s really just great practice when I can’t think of anything to write about.

It’s day #9 of NaPoWriMo and thanks to Paint Chip Poetry I’ve written nearly fifty poems. It’s keeping me going when the rest of my life has basically come to a halt. 

If you are interested in Paint Chip Poetry, you can purchase it here. I was bummed when I bought the game two weeks ago because the price had gone up. I first purchased this game several years ago for work for ten dollars. I decided before my surgery that I wanted to buy my own copy since I was going to be spending so much time at home. It had gone up to seventeen dollars! I really shouldn’t complain. I don’t have much money but it has been well worth it to have something to do during my recovery.

If you decide to give Paint Chip Poetry a try, I’d love to see what you come up with! 

Next Monday, I have my follow-up appointment and return the DVT pump. Hopefully, then I can start driving again and get out of the house. I will be on crutches for six weeks which is frustrating, but I am definitely looking forward to getting my butt off the couch.

Hometown Girl

I’m not your cookie-cutter
small-town girl.
I waffled between expectations and freedom.

Your Jesus doesn’t save –
he divides.
Frosty images and sharp tongues
over here,

me over there.

Generations of hometown girl misfits –
I’ve lived here for years;
you know me but not.
You denied me my purpose, my curiosity,
and your asses in pews never made it right.

Forty acres in the dappled sunlight –
you never made me a home.
Home isn’t a physical place –
it’s love,
it’s belonging,
it’s acceptance –
and it isn’t with you.

I finally chose freedom.
I escaped and I survived.
I celebrate by making my own home.

I Flourish

Break me.
Knock me down.
Every heartache is a stepping stone
and my future is under construction.
Pick me like tulips in spring
and watch me wilt.
I come back every year
stronger, steadfast.
I’m grounded in my roots,
nourished by the storm,
and at dawn, I flourish again.
Remember my beauty
in the long winter months.

This surgery has been painful but I’m doing okay. I’m just lying on the couch filling up journals.

Hi guys! My surgery was successful. My doctor was able to repair my knee. Unfortunately, I am experiencing some pain. I didn’t want to take my pain medication, but I broke down and took it. Before my surgery, I knew I really didn’t want to take something so strong and addictive, but I just didn’t know what the pain would be like. I just have to remind myself that this is temporary and I will be better off in the end.

The Other Side

Everything stops.
Distractions no longer work.
My body is stiff,
my breathing shallow.
I’m heavy —
wounded by the weight of the world.
The clock ticks slowly
as I wait for a release.
This recovery seems daunting
but my loved ones are near.
It’s temporary.
The other side is waiting.

Pain —
what stirs us to change.
Tomorrow I’ll arrive
walking,
but won’t leave on foot.
It’s time to rest,
heal.
Regenerate the old,
breathe in the new.
Tomorrow everything changes
but life’s demands.

NaPoWriMo day one was good! I wrote so much! In fact, I wrote extra just in case I don’t feel like writing tomorrow after my surgery. 🙂

Stay

Past accolades faded.
Uncertainty reigns.
I never thought I’d be here
frail, fragile, forgotten.

I crave neverending hope.
I want support
but my steady strength
must come from within. 

Play a part until it becomes reality.
Darkness clings to my heels
but my outstretched arms
reach for a dying glimmer of light.

Unforgiving winds of doubt
pushed me down to a cruel, frigid earth,
and it has taken everything I have
to rise from the scattered debris. 

Silence and tears stall and pollute
but rage propels.
My words revealed the intentions
no one wanted to hear. 

Knock me down all you want;
I still want to see what happens.
I can crash and still burn bright
in the eyes of potential.

The sky tumbles
but I still have two feet on the ground,
stock in love,
and a hunger to fight.

The next day, the next hour –
the future’s in a fog but it doesn’t matter.
Time ticks by slowly
but it’s on my side.

Concrete isn’t solid
when your universe is inside-out
but a lifeline emerged
when I decided to stay.

Weight

I take up space
because I’m allowed to.

My place in this universe
is forgiving, soft, and flexible.

The outside doesn’t always match the inside;
but what if it did?

What’s wrong with the outside?
I’m larger than life with a body and mind that’s thriving.

Head up. Chin up.
My defiance brings me home.

My curves are gorgeous,
my freedom is mine,

and I relinquish the weight of your words.

A New Promise

I’m just a tired parent
overprepared with anxiety and wet wipes.
You’re an everchanging little girl,
yet I stay in place.

Pick, pick, pester.
Put your clothes away.
Clean up your toys.
Put on a coat.

I don’t want to be angry all the time.
You don’t want me to either.
My anger is fear —
a need to protect you.

You’re my one and only.
A raised voice,
a quiet tear,
a new promise.

I’m raising a reflection
of my own little universe
and it’s time
to expand our horizons.

Learn, grow, discover –
I won’t stand in your way.
It’s your path
and merely my guidance.

Let’s let go
of the things that don’t matter
and focus on the love
in front of us.

In this – your eighth trip
around the blazing sun,
let’s see the good in the world —
and each other.