My wife, Mary, is from a family with two sisters, and they taught me the meaning of sisterhood. Back in the 80s and 90s when we’d occasionally have family get-togethers that I dreaded: three sisters in one place with their mother, and they’d talk nonstop from the instant they walked through the door. Imagine four women chattering non-stop — I was shocked to discover that they didn’t take turns talking, they over-talked one another incessantly, and all I could hear was a high-pitched excited babble that never ended or resolved into actual comprehensible conversation. To me. They seemed to know exactly what everyone was saying.
I was not alone. Mary’s father, who was a veteran US Marine who’d fought in all the major Pacific battles in WWII, would sit quietly, slowly sinking into our chairs as the sonic assault continued. He had the advantage of years of training and intense combat experience, and also more years with these four women than I ever had. Me, I was the fresh meat, the raw recruit who could only learn by suffering through the engagement. We came out of it alive, together.
I bring this up as background because I did a double-shift at theater last night, and the first movie I saw was Practical Magic 2, a movie I’d never heard of, nor had I heard of Practical Magic 1, but it must have been popular, since it featured A-list stars, Sandra Bullock, Nicole Kidman, Dianne Wiest, etc. It’s all about sisterhood among a family of cursed witches, cursed to never fall in love. The waves of estrogen were gushing off the screen, but my training at family gatherings helped me persevere. The cast was almost exclusively women.
There was one earnest, caring boy at the beginning, but the daughter he was dating made the mistake of saying “I love you” to him, triggering the family curse and sending him out on a bicycle to be run over by a truck, so that he spent the rest of the movie in a coma, conveniently. I was thinking that they’d never have this problem if they lived in the Midwest, rather than New England, because here we’re all emotionally repressed and never communicate our feelings.
The rest of the movie is a trio of family witches stumbling about crumbling ruins in the English countryside, looking for a cure for the curse. There is magic involved, and many whispered conversations where they overtalk one another. They do find one possibly helpful man, but they take him out with a frying pan to the back of the head and a sleeping potion, so he’s not cluttering up the climax of the movie. There is a third man, but he’s the villain, naturally.
There’s a battle where the three witches join psychic hands and use the power of love and sisterhood against a screaming, ranting man. I’ll let you guess how it ends up.
Was the movie any good? I don’t know. The magic was nonsense and was only conjured up when the plot needed it, the story was pure schmaltz, but from the outside looking in, I can empathize and comprehend how a story of sisters working together could appeal. My wife wants to go see it now, so I might be seeing it again.
The second movie was more my style: Resident Evil. One man, battling a series of indescribable horrors, alone, with virtually no conversation the entire movie. He’s on a solo mission to deliver a vital component to the Umbrella Corporation in Raccoon City, and that’s absolutely all you need to know about the plot. I just nailed it. Do I need to go on?
OK, a little more explanation. Umbrella Corp has ‘accidentally’ released a horrific virus that has spread through the population. This virus doesn’t exactly zombify everyone (I’m tired of zombie movies), but is instead a kind of infectious body horror disease. People fuse into these disgusting masses of limbs and heads that try to snarl everyone into a gooey corrupted form by biting or spewing bloody filaments or ropes of intestinal glop.
The best part of the movie to me was the protagonist, who was doggedly running this mission while maintaining a constant mumbling running monolog of profanity, consisting of mainly repeated variants of the word “fuck”. It was beautiful. I identified perfectly with his character — that’s exactly what I would do if I had to run through a city full of slimy predatory body parts. I wouldn’t be an action hero, I wouldn’t know how to use the guns he picks up, just like the protagonist, but I would be angrily railing against the situation under my breath.
The bottom line: not a great movie, lacking any depth at all, but just about a perfect capture of a standard video game scenario.
It was an interesting pairing of two movies that are more or less the antithesis of each other. What I’d like to see now is a synthesis — it’s going to take a lot of slime and blood and horrific gore, but if there were a fusion of a sisterhood power movie with that guy constantly snarling “fuck” as he tried to figure out what was going on, I’d watch it.
You want a crossover movie with sisterhood and manly violence? How about:
Ninja Cheerleaders
Or, if that is not to your taste, there is:
Cheerleader Ninjas
“(I’m tired of zombie movies)”
While there were one or two good ones, I felt they could have stopped after Night of the Living Dead, but hey, a buck is a buck.
Did they explain why the protagonist didn’t get the virus?
Only 3 sisters. Lucky you. My wife is one of 14 children, 10 sisters and 4 brothers. When I first married her my late brother in law gave me a wise piece of advice. He said to never try to referee when they fight with each other because you’ll be the target. I haven’t experienced that but I did tell one sister off who was being stupid and was told to apologise. I didn’t. They are marvellous sisters-in-law. Sadly there are a few less of them now but anytime one needs help the others are there.
#2: I didn’t say he didn’t get the virus.
The critical reaction to Practical Magic 2 has not been good. And you really have to wonder why they released a sequel to a film that came out in 1998. Yep, this is a sequel to a 28 year old film.
A bit off topic, since it’s not about witches or zombies, but this comment applies to the Morris Theater. I recommend Rustin Thompson’s recent documentary “The Last Picture Shows” (https://rustinthompson.com/last-picture-shows/) about the single screen movie houses past and present in small towns across the West (like the Morris). It’s a loving tribute to their architecture and to the community the theaters provide in towns where the people have gone due to economic forces and the hole left behind (sometimes literal) when the theater dies. The survivors are a plucky bunch, driven by a love of film, fighting studios that do not understand the realities of small markets. They get by through subsidies from other jobs, pivoting to live theater and music concerts, switching to a nonprofit structure, etc. It is mournful, yet optimistic. The film is touring the country now in select theaters.
I’m somehow reminded of Coach Buzzcut from Beavis and Butthead “A Marine can stand anything!”:
https://youtu.be/5BTsN6Lk_Ts?is=nZVlIF6DOolGe-3T
@5. timgueguen : Star Wars came out in 1977.. Return of the Jedi came out in 1983.
The sequel to the original trilogy there came out in 2015. So that’s a 32 years gap.
Of course, there were the prequels in between with the firstof those coming out in 1999 just 16 years later..
Also, ofc, TheStar Wars franchise was just a smidge bigger than the Practical Magic um, bilogy; if that’s the right word?
Yeah.. Saw the first one, and actually liked it, but then I am a sucker for magic stuff, even while still being grounded in reality. But, I have not paid any attention to new movie releases, or watched any of the stuff (like TV), which would have advertisement of them, for years now (and, maybe this is not always good??? Who knows, they produce a lot of crap.), so had no idea at all they made a sequel. Heck, it honestly doesn’t even make sense that they made a bloody sequel, since the end of the first one had them supposedly fixing the problem already, presumably.
This sounds like they went, Exec 1: “Right.. So, we don’t have any new ideas, so, lets make a sequel to this old, well loved, movie. How do we do that?” Exec 2: “No idea. Should we ask writers to come up with a new problem for them to deal with?” Exec 3: “Nah, lets just go with the premise of the original. It worked before, so has to again, right?” Writer who eventually gets tasked with the whole thing, “Well, my contract says I am only allowed to read the basic description of the original, not watch the movie, or read the script, so.. lets see how I can have them break the family curse, which can’t possibly have already been broken the last time.” Bets on the writer in question having a) no connection at all to the first movie, or b) actually being picked because they give a damn about the material (and thus might be more expensive to hire)…
StevoR @ # 8 – “duology” seems the preferred usage.
And a four-pack is a “tetralogy”.
Resident Evil (2002) trailer
Where I work the lunchtime breakroom is occupied by a lot of Bosnians for the most part. I like stepping in there to buy some refreshment while listening to what sounds to me like argument.
I can’t understand a word, but I love the passion.
stuffin@2: “I felt they could have stopped after Night of the Living Dead, but hey, a buck is a buck.”
Return of the living dead was MUCH better. What do you do to get rid of bag of rabid weasels that are not really rabid weasels?
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt0089907/
I agree — zombie movies reached their peak with Return of the LIving Dead. It was funny and also had Linnea Quigley.
For zombie stuff the first season of The Walking Dead sets the standard. I discovered what happened to the Vatos watching a series critiquing recap not long ago. Their fate was kinda hidden in plain sight but more obscured by deleted scenes. Pouring one out!
Though I guess not technically zombies because rage virus, but the opening scene of 28 Weeks Later was priceless. Undead with track shoes. The two 28 Years Later movies were pretty damn good IMO!
As for Star Wars I am going to get blanket partied by everyone here and elsewhere for this but so be it. The Mandalorian and Grogu was one of my faves in the franchise (fight me!) alongside Attack of the Clones and Rogue One. That is the way.
How anyone could watch the adorable cuteness of Grogu and his Anzellan buddies on a rescue mission in their tiny ship to save Mando and not melt into their chair is beyond me. Awwww!!!!
And Jeremy Allen White did Rotta the Hutt well. Not quite Springsteen, but a very likable Hutt. He had daddy issues like he did in Shameless and The Iron Claw.
Saw all three seasons of The Mandalorian and loved it. Only disappointment was no Starbuck. Movie capped it off though releasing it to the masses was a bad idea.