I didn’t have much to do at work today…

Yes, I know; it’s a flower show, but two of my pieces got in! They sent me the plaque posted above. I was also really impressed with the other artists. You can see the show here.

 

I also got into a show that opens July 5th. I will post the link once it’s up.

 

After my rough day yesterday, I was thrilled to wake up to an email saying I was accepted into a show! Whew! Today’s a new day! Thank you so much for your support!

Today has been a rough day.

I had a couple of bad dreams last night so I was already on edge this morning. My dreams always feel so real. I tried to shake it off and go about my day.

I dropped off my daughter at STEAM camp, and as we were walking through the parking lot, a car almost hit us. I went into full momma bear mode and LOST MY SHIT. I screamed at the lady driving. My daughter truly looked scared. I’m normally a pretty cheerful person so seeing me angry is out of the ordinary for her. 

I walked my daughter into the school and quickly left. I burst into tears in the car. I felt so horrible.

I was terrified of my dad growing up because he was always so angry. He wasn’t around much, but when he was, we were walking on eggshells trying not to upset him. I don’t ever want my daughter to be scared of me.

I called my husband at work crying, and he actually used comp time to take the rest of the day off and spend time with me. Did I ever mention I have the best husband in the world?

One brief moment of losing my cool reminded me of all the baggage I carry. Something that happened so long ago just resurfaced. Have you ever had a moment like that?

In one of my scary dreams last night, I left work for my lunch break and it was pitch black out at three in the afternoon. This morning it stormed and got very dark. My husband jokingly asked me if my dream was prophetic. 

Tonight I see myself having a conversation with my daughter about what happened and then lots of meditating to hopefully recenter myself. Here’s hoping for a better day tomorrow.

Do you have any tips for calming yourself down and focusing on the present?

I’m finally in a place health-wise where I can take on a little more. I’ve been looking for a second job to work nights and weekends, and I’ve found one!

I had a job interview Monday and was hired on the spot. I will be working at an arts and crafts store starting in July. I’m very excited!

But also nervous. When you start a new job, you usually don’t know who you’ll be working with. I hope my supervisor and coworkers are nice.

I always feel like I have so much to hide when I first meet people. I’m an atheist with schizoaffective disorder.

I’ve worked in the mental health field for the past seventeen years, so when I talk about having schizoaffective disorder, for the most part, my coworkers and supervisors have been understanding. 

Working outside of mental health, I feel like people will doubt my abilities if I come right out with it, so I’m going to keep it on a need-to-know basis. I don’t anticipate any problems as I’ve been doing really well, but if it becomes an issue I will be honest.

Then there’s the atheism. I just don’t talk about it. I’m just hoping I don’t have to tolerate too much religion in the workplace like I sometimes do at my current job. (At least I’m not working at Hobby Lobby!)

It might seem a little surprising, but where I live, I would rather tell people that I’m mentally ill than an atheist. People seem to be more understanding about schizoaffective disorder because it’s obviously not a choice.

In my dream world, I would become so comfortable at the arts and crafts store that I can truly be myself, but in reality, I am going in with my guard up.

Any words of advice?

On a side note…one huge perk to my new job is the thirty percent employee discount! Imagine how much I will save on all the art supplies I buy!

I feel like I’m starting a new chapter in life. For the past couple of days, I’ve been completely pain-free. I’m not tired, I’m not sore, and I feel really good. 

And I have a job interview next week!

This weekend we are having a garage sale. Our house has been so cluttered. It’s stifling. It feels so good to be getting rid of so much stuff! With everything we’ve been going through, it almost feels symbolic. Out with the old, in with the new!

I’ve been through so much shit the past couple of years, and things are finally looking up. I appreciate all the people who said they were praying for me, but god had nothing to do with it. I’m giving myself credit. I pulled through.

Humans are resilient creatures. We need to give ourselves credit. I’d love to hear some stories! What have you overcome in life? Let’s give ourselves a pat on the back! We made it!

I’ve been feeling a little down lately. Even though I’m no longer using crutches, recovering from knee surgery is taking longer than I thought, and it’s frustrating. I’m still a little sore and tired, and my activity is unfortunately still limited. Last week, I mowed the lawn and took a walk around the block. I definitely pushed it a little too far. I was planning on mowing the lawn again tomorrow, and I cried when I told my husband that he should do it instead of me. I don’t like feeling helpless. 

This whole experience has made me think about independence in general. I’m not a very independent person, but now, after having to depend on my husband for everything, I really want to become more independent. Where I stand now, if something ever happened to my husband, I think I’d be screwed. I depend on my husband financially and really lean on him when I’m feeling anxious (which is often). I just want to learn to do more things on my own.

I have been looking for a second job, and I am going to get a little more serious about it once my knee feels better. I think when I’m able to contribute more financially, and even just being out of the house more, I will feel a little more independent. 

Is independence important to you? What do you do to make sure you can stand on your own two feet? 

 

Edit to add: I have a job interview!!!