Random Acts of Kindness

My family went grocery shopping tonight, and as we entered the store, a man approached me and said, “This is for you.” He handed me a forty-dollar gift card for groceries. I just stood there with my mouth open for a second before finally exclaiming, “Thank you!” I had no idea who this guy was. He just smiled and left. My husband and I looked at each other in disbelief. I really wonder what this guy’s story was and why he did it. There’s no way he could have known how much my family has been struggling and how much a gift card for groceries meant to us. It really made our day.

One day, if I ever have enough money, I think I will also pass out gift cards for groceries to random strangers. We all need to eat, so if you want to help people out, that’s a great way to do it.

Have you ever had something like that happen to you? Did it motivate you to want to do the same? Let’s hear some feel-good stories!

Consume

When I sit in the quiet
because I didn’t pay my cable bill
I realize I truly have
everything I need
but it feels like nothing at all.

My belly is full,
my house is warm,
and tomorrow is another day at work.

I’m riding in the last car
of a rickety old rollercoaster
barely hanging on
with the whitest knuckles.
The track goes nowhere
and we’ll never come to a complete stop.

Payday is never promised
but we’ll continue the ride
til darkness swallows us whole.

My daughter says all the flowers I draw look sad so I thought I would put this with my sad poem.

I think my guinea pigs know more than I think they do.

Tonight we visited my husband’s aunt. We hung out on her back deck because for some reason on December 26th in Northern Ohio it’s sixty degrees. It’s really strange.

Anyway, she has an adorable dog named Lucy. Lucy is a mutt; she’s small but not a little yappy thing either. She was bouncing around everywhere and playing with my daughter. For the few moments she would sit still I would pet her, but there was this one moment when she jumped on my lap and we locked eyes for a few seconds. She tilted her head a bit and I felt like we connected. 

I’m an animal lover and if we ever get a dog, I would want one like Lucy. The other night, I even had a dream that we got a dog, but it was just a dream. Our 950-square-foot house is already packed with five cats, three humans, and two guinea pigs. I have no idea where a dog would go.

I feel a connection when my guinea pigs and kitties look at me, too. I just wish I knew what they were thinking. I’ve posted about this before, but I am just so curious; do you think animals know more about us than we think they do? 

It seems like all my guinea pigs do is eat. Every time I step into the kitchen I hear “wheek, wheek, wheek!” from their cage. Their favorite snack is organic carrots with the greens still on them. I pick some up every time we go to the store. My husband, of course, makes fun of me when I tell him that I’m wondering what they’re thinking. He claims all they say is “Feed me, feed me, feed me!” I talk to them a lot; I wonder what they’re hearing.

I just hope all my pets are happy and that I’m giving them a good life. I wish there were more ways to communicate with them or to know what they are thinking. 

Maybe this is too much to ask of any living thing. It’s not like you can know what other humans are thinking either. I can communicate with other humans, but humans lie and steal and cheat; I just feel like animals would be more honest. 

Are an animal’s needs basic? Maybe they’re more complicated than we think they are. How would we ever know?

Am I giving them a good life? Do they know that they are giving me a better life? I’ve always had animals around me — for as long as I can remember. I couldn’t imagine living without them.

Do you ever wonder about this? Do you have a deep connection with your pets? Do you wonder what your pets think? Are they happy? Do they think they have a good life? Do they know more about us than we think they do?

 

Also, if you want to see something really cute, search “guinea pigs popcorning” on YouTube. It’s their little happy dance. My piggies do this when I put them in their playpen in the living room.

Happy Holidays and a Weird Flower Drawing

At work the other day there was a discussion on whether you should say, “Merry Christmas” or “Happy Holidays”. Ugh. Christians here will never understand what it feels like to be in a religious minority. Apparently, it’s too much to ask them to be respectful of everyone.

I didn’t say anything. I know I should speak out more but I also really like my job and want to keep it.

Why are we still having this discussion? Your imaginary “War on Christmas” isn’t real. No one is telling you to stop celebrating Christmas; we are simply asking you to acknowledge that there are other holidays and that not everyone is Christian.

Anyway, it was slow at work today so I made another weird flower drawing:

Happy holidays if or however you celebrate!

What are you working on?

Sorry for the lack of posts this week. Do you remember when I was working on my memoir? I decided to take another look at it after setting it aside for over a year. I’m pretty excited about it. That’s where my focus has been for the past week.

After my book, “Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy” was released in 2021, Freethought House started working on publishing my memoir. However, Freethought House is no longer in business so the project fell through.

It is my goal now to clean up the manuscript and find another publisher. I had already done quite a bit of developmental edits with Freethought House which I think will be very helpful.

Wish me luck!

What projects are you guys working on? Inspire me! 🙂

Is it enough to just exist?

Get up. Take my daughter to school. Go to work. Come home. Sit in front of the TV. Go to bed. Repeat.

I. Want. More.

Is it possible to live a happy life in a simple routine? Is it enough to just exist and not want more? 

Sometimes I need to tell myself to calm my ass down. Sometimes my husband has to tell me that, too. I get bored easily and it’s never good. I feel guilty when I’m not actively working on something. I tend to be one of those “you only live once” people and just go for it. The clock of mortality is ticking.

But it’s okay to just sit and not do anything sometimes, right?

When I get in a funk, I don’t know whether to rest or give myself a kick in the butt. It’s really a fine line. In that moment, is it enough to just exist? I’ve had a rough year, especially health-wise, to the point where I was forced to “just exist”. The guilt and helplessness have been overwhelming.

I often hear the affirmation, “I am enough” and I understand that humans have inherent worth, but if you don’t want anything else, do you feel like you lack a purpose? Do we need a purpose? Does being an atheist affect your thoughts on having a purpose?

I’m sometimes envious of people who took a more traditional path – like things sometimes fall in place for people. I’m also jealous of people who can just be happy with what they have.

Is a simple life possible? Can you be happy in a routine? Would you even want a simple life? With everything going on in the universe, can you feel happy with your insignificance? 

Maybe I’m making too many assumptions here. Maybe no one has a simple life and you all are asking just as many questions as I am.

How do you feel? Do you have a routine? Are you happy with it? Is it possible to not want anything else?

Dr. Darrel Ray’s Presentation on Religious Trauma and How It Affects Your Brain

I just wanted to share a link to the Kansas City Oasis program this morning. Dr. Ray gave a really fascinating presentation on religious trauma and how it affects your brain. He also gives some really good resources at the end. You can check it out here. It is a recording of a Facebook live event.

Update: If you don’t have Facebook try this link. Click the “X” on the sign-in pop-up and you should be able to watch the video.

Do you like being depended upon?

We are an animal-loving family. Five cats: Stachey, Sasha, Emmy, Jax, and Nina, and two guinea pigs: Nibbles and Nugget. I love taking care of our pets. I seem to be the one in charge of the guinea pigs. They chirp and chitter when I walk past their cage and give an insistent “wheek! wheek! wheek!” every time they hear me open the door to the fridge. I just think it’s the sweetest thing. I even like cleaning their cage and filling their hay feeder. I just love caring for them. So technically they’re my daughter’s guinea pigs but I still feel like I’m their person.

Our kitties get the run of the house and are truly a part of the family. They get dry food during the day and every night they gather in the kitchen and my husband gives each one a special plate of wet food and treats. My husband is definitely their favorite.

Pets are completely dependent on their humans and I really enjoy that responsibility. In this certain way, I really like being depended upon.

Another way I like being depended upon is that our house is filled with plants. One of my favorite things is to buy sad-looking plants at the grocery store or Costco and nurse them back to health. I’ve even bought half-dead plants at garage sales before. It’s really exciting to me to watch them grow.

You might think this is a weird post because I am a mother. I have the ultimate dependent – a child. I was filled with anxiety when I became a mother thinking I was not nurturing enough for the job. Being a parent is such a heavy responsibility and in the back of my mind, I always think I’m going to fuck it up. Can I trust myself to do it right? So much anxiety…

I love my daughter and I wouldn’t trade it for the world, but I don’t always like the thought of having a whole other person depending on me. I think a lot of parents actually like that feeling – to know that they are absolutely needed – but for me, it’s kind of scary.

My husband is the most dependable person I know. Not only are we raising our daughter together, but he became more of a caregiver during my health struggles. In this house, we all depend on him. I’ve never actually asked him if he enjoys that role, but maybe I should. He’s always so loving, calm, and patient. 

I hope he can depend on me as well.

How do you feel when you know people/pets/things depend on you? Does it make you anxious? Do you enjoy the responsibility? Do you take pride in it? Is there ever a time when you would rather not be depended upon?

Interesting Toy Shopping — Should I be offended?

My daughter was at her grandpa’s house tonight so my husband and I took advantage of our child-free time to do some holiday shopping. We went to Target and went straight to the toys. Look what we found in the doll aisle:

That’s a Dyson toy vacuum cleaner and a toy shopping cart. My husband and I were a little taken aback.

Should I be offended? Are you offended?