I’m making slow but real progress, but everybody and their dog keeps telling me to take it slow and I’m really trying to. But I also know that I’m far from “functioning normally”, not to mention that my current level of mobility is also due to generous amounts of anti-inflammatory drugs and painkiller. Anyway, one good aspect of German health insurance is that I’m entitled to a household aid for as long as I’m recovering. And my most wonderful sister organised everything with her care service and this morning the wonderful S. showed up.
Everything about my working class woman upbringing was uncomfortable. First of all letting a stranger in when my house is a complete mess. I know, I know, the woman came because there’s a mess and I can’t clean, but try to tell that to your subconscious. The other one is to have somebody clean your shit while you’re mostly watching. (I did help as much as I could). I know that many working class men have absolutely no problem with watching women clean while they’re lying on the couch, but for a woman? I’ve been both raised with some traditional crap about cleaning and quite some deep seated hatred against people who watch women clean, since I’m just two generations removed from women who had to go out and work as maids, being abused by master and mistress alike.
Still, I’ll need a household help after recovery as well because I think my body just told me that it is done with playing nice and putting up with my psychological issues of having to do all my cleaning myself.
I feel you on this. Back when my mother was going through her worst phase and couldn’t get out of bed I nearly sleep deprived myself in order to do all the cleaning on my own, along with everything else, even though we could have afforded paying someone to help with that stuff during that period. And there’s literally nothing wrong with that, except our upbringing makes us feel like there is.
I hope you keep recovering well and please do listen to your body’s sound advice on this issue!