I remember Caine every day when I log into the blog, but today I was reminded of her even more strongly. Because, as a present for my fiftieth birthday in the summer, my health insurer gave me a free preventative colonoscopy.

I was not particularly worried about colon cancer, since I live a healthier lifestyle than most: I do not smoke, I do not drink alcohol,  I eat a lot of fiber and very little processed food, and we do not have a cancer history in our family. But I do have an autoimmune disease, so I know my own body can turn against itself. And, of course, the memory of Caine’s cancer struggles will always be with me. So I decided to take the offer, make an appointment, and undergo the procedure. The appointment was today.

The procedure itself was unpleasant, but it was not the worst. The worst were the three days prior. I am one of those people who can shed weight much more easily than gain it, and who has had no trouble fitting into the same size jeans for decades. My BMI is 21, and my WHtR is 0.48, so I have almost no fat reserves for my body to draw on. And having to essentially starve myself for three days was pure agony. At least the first two days I could eat pasta boiled in filtered broth, but the day before the procedure, I could only ingest liquids. And then there was the mix of laxative salts, which tasted something awful and caused me dehydration.

The morning before the procedure, my hands started to shake from hypoglycaemia, and I had to drink half a bottle of Fanta to stave that off. I read the prep instructions multiple times to make sure I was allowed to do this, but I was still a bit worried it might be a problem. Luckily, it wasn’t.

I am happy to say that I got better results than Donald Trump on his dementia test – my preparation was very good, and my guts are perfectly healthy. And I won’t need to undergo the procedure for ten years. I spent the rest of the day eating and resting, because I was tired as if I had been working hard, since my body was forced to burn reserves it didn’t have.

If your physician recommends that you get the procedure, I urge you to do so. Colon cancer has decent chances of survival if caught early. And fuck cancer.