Human Flesh Eating Robots: You Will Conform!



At least this slice of Christian bugnuttery gave me an excuse to use an image from Fritz Lang’s brilliant Metropolis. The rest of this, oh, I barely have words. I did burst out laughing, but that can’t be the only reaction, because like it or not, there are a wealth of people who will believe this absolute shite. “The Robots are coming to get you!” It’s like the death panels of yore being given the Metropolis treatment.

Rabid conspiracy theorist and End Times radio host Rick Wiles dedicated his “TruNews” radio program yesterday to delivering an extended warning that the government will soon dispatch an army of flesh-eating robots to devour uncooperative human beings.

Wiles and Steve Quayle, who is a frequent guest on his program, spent nearly two hours discussing the existence of giants, the prevalence of cannibalism and the looming Tribulation, with Wiles at one point warning that “the hatred of Christians will become so great in the Last Days that people will be encouraged to kill and eat them.”

Oh gack. I have no respect or regard for Christianity, however, you may have all the reassurances in the world I have no interest in killing or eating people, regardless of belief. Where in the fuck do they get ideas like this? Yeah, I know, projection, but still, this is seriously screwed up. You honestly have nothing else to do, except sit around and dream up one insane fantasy after another?

To this end, Wiles cited a 2009 Wired magazine article that reported that a company was working on developing robots that could refuel themselves by ingesting biomass from the environment. Despite the fact that the company itself stated that the robots would rely on plant matter, Wiles remains convinced that they will in fact fuel themselves by feasting on human flesh.

Sigh. So, we’ve all seen those roving bands of supposedly vegetarian robots wandering around, right? No? Well, what about all those corpse eating robots you see on battlefields? No again. Tsk.

“Our military is developing an army of human flesh-eating robots,” Wiles warned. “If you do not conform to the requirements of this new society, they’re going to send a robot to your house to eat you for lunch. That may sound extremely radical, but that’s where they’re taking it. They will reduce the human population. You will conform!”

That sounds like an excellent reason to strip the military budget! Let’s get right on that one, okay? I thought the Religious Reich was in love with the military, and us lefty liberals against it. So, the military is going to turn on rabid neocons? I’d like to see that one. Or are us lefty liberal types going to take over, and send out the ravenous robots? I haven’t received any robots, no agenda, and no instructions.

No, it doesn’t sound extremely radical. It sounds like the plot of a book written by Vox Day. I’m all for a reduced population, but I think you have the flesh eating robots confused with the Borg, and the proper tagline is “resistance is futile.” Get it right, guys. I am reminded of a long ago SNL sketch:

Via RWW.


  1. busterggi says

    While I wouldn’t mind spending some time with Maria (the first sexbot I think) …

    Do these idiots even know that robots don’t eat?

  2. says


    Do these idiots even know that robots don’t eat?

    But, but that article from 2009! Military!1! They do eat!!1!!BBQ

  3. says

    All these idiots did was make want to watch Metropolis for the 8,000th time. I’m also reminded that Metropolis was set somewhere in the 2000s…and it’s a fitting descriptor for uStates right now.

  4. rq says

    I’ve seen three different versions of Metropolis, due to much of the footage being lost for ages. One has a soundtrack by Freddy Mercury, and one was the as-original-as-possible version they had a special outdoor screening for in Berlin (I believe). Fantastic, fantastic movie, all the more so for being so… prophetic.

    Also, I don’t think fuel from biomass works quite the way they’re imagining. Though I can’t say I’d mind, if robots found fundamentalist religious people tasty…

  5. says


    one was the as-original-as-possible version they had a special outdoor screening for in Berlin (I believe).

    That’s the 95% restored one from an original print. Now known as The Complete Metropolis, I think.

  6. blf says

    if robots found fundamentalist religious people tasty

    What is the extractable energy density of a litregallon of bile?

Leave a Reply