Does anyone have any fun Easter plans?

We don’t make a big deal of Easter. If the weather is nice, we hide eggs around the yard for my daughter to find. My daughter is not a morning person. She tends to sleep in so it’s really nice that I don’t have to get up too early to hide the eggs.  After the egg hunt, we give my daughter her Easter basket with books, candy, and a couple of small toys.

My daughter is turning six at the end of the month and I wonder how much longer she will believe in the Easter Bunny. I was her age when I stopped believing in Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny. I never even made it to the tooth fairy.

How old were you guys when you stopped believing? Did you ever believe?

I think it’s interesting that the two major Christian holidays have popular elements that have nothing to do with Jesus. But you have to admit, as a kid Santa Claus and the Easter Bunny are way more exciting than salvation. 

Happy Easter – if and however you celebrate it!

Seven weeks ago today I was discharged from a treatment center for eating disorders, and while I’m happy to be back with my family, coming home has been difficult.

I’m still following a meal plan which will probably continue for several months or at least until my hunger and satiety cues return.

I have doctor’s appointments, therapy appointments, dietician appointments, etc. and I’m tired.

I just want a day to not think about my eating disorder but that’s not happening anytime soon.

I wrote a lot while I was at the treatment center. Here’s a poem from a dark time:

 

At the Saddest Place on Earth

At the saddest place on earth,
sleep only comes when it’s been drowned in tears.
The darkest moment
is when the light starts to breakthrough.

At the saddest place on earth,
forgiveness can only come from yourself
if it comes at all.
To get your freedom back you must surrender.

At the saddest place on earth,
you are very alone
and everyone is watching.
Time goes fast or not at all.

At the saddest place on earth,
smiles shatter and despair prevails.
You wear your brain inside-out
but first, you must sit through the pain.

 

I know my present is not my forever so I will just keep moving forward.

Oh, man.

So I’m working on a newsletter at work and I had to interview a coworker. She answered my questions by saying “trust god” and also quoted the bible. 

My boss said it’s okay to put her answers in the newsletter despite the religious references. 

I was so uncomfortable.

The organization I work for is not affiliated with a religion so I don’t understand why we can’t just say “no religion at work”. It seems like a common-sense rule and everyone would be respected.

This isn’t the first time I’ve felt uncomfortable at work due to religious coworkers. 

Ugh! Any advice?

I was so excited to work on this newsletter until this happened.

Thank you so much to Fellowship of Freethought Dallas! I had a wonderful time presenting to you today!

I have two speaking engagements in March:

March 20th, 11am CST — Houston Oasis
March 27th, 11am PST — Humanist Community of Silicon Valley

If you’re curious about atheist poetry and need a speaker for your group, please contact me.

Can you believe in a “higher power” and still be an atheist? Does a “higher power” automatically refer to a god?

My husband is not an atheist. He doesn’t consider himself a part of any group or religion, but he does believe that there’s an energy that connects all living things. That’s about it. He doesn’t get very specific about it.

What’s funny is that I recently met someone with the exact same belief. She didn’t want to be considered a part of any group or religion either.

So my question is: can you believe in a higher power and not a god? Does that still make you an atheist?

Back to work, back to life! Upcoming speaking engagement…

I will be speaking to the Humanist Community of Silicon Valley on March 27th at 11am pacific. It feels good to be getting back on track after two months in treatment!

I am back to a somewhat normal routine and will be starting at my part-time job again on Monday. I have a meal plan I am following as well as an outpatient treatment team to meet with. My hunger signals are starting to come back which is a good sign. I missed my family so much while I was in treatment and I’m so happy to be home!

I am being discharged from the treatment center on Sunday! I am so excited to see my family again. I have a long road ahead of me — at least six to eight weeks of an intensive outpatient program yet plus outpatient therapy.

I’m on journal #6.

Thank you all for your support and I will be posting again soon!

Go On and Cook

Close your eyes
if you can’t see –
others will walk
you through it.
Your brain will lie,
mirrors will deceive you,
but what matters
is what’s boiling
on the inside.
Turn down the gas
and bring it to a simmer.
The truth lies
somewhere in the bubbles.
Open your eyes
when you’re ready.
See what the world
has to offer.
In this journey
you can stand the heat
with the help of others –
no matter what you cook.

 

This is day number 30 in treatment. On Monday I will be stepping down to a lower level of care. My eating disorder takes many forms — I have symptoms of anorexia, avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder (ARFID), and rumination disorder. I have been writing my butt off. I am currently on journal number 4.

Thursday morning I am going to be admitted to a treatment center in Chicago to get help for my eating disorder. I don’t know how long I will be there.

I’m going to have to slow down a little bit.

However, I am taking a bunch of journals and I plan on filling them up. I’ve already written quite a bit about this experience so far. I’ve been to hell and back in the last few weeks and I’ve documented every fucking minute of it. Every time the shit hits the fan I think, “maybe this will be a great book one day!” Then it’s like I can step outside of myself and just observe. I don’t know if any of that is healthy but it seems to be getting me through. 

I am taking my Chromebook with me and I plan on blogging when I can. It just probably won’t be as frequent.

 

Happy holidays! I’m off to kick some eating disorder ass!

Do the little ones in your life believe in Santa?

I’m not a big fan of Santa. It may be fun but it’s still lying to your kids – just like people lie to their kids about Jesus. They’re both imaginary entities with empty promises.

I recently saw a meme on Facebook that said: Why doesn’t Santa bring the needy kids toys? For the same reason Jesus doesn’t feed them.

Bam!

I didn’t want to tell my daughter about Santa, but my husband was really into it. She’s five and I can see the wheels turning. She’s asking questions like, “How does Santa get into our house? We don’t have a chimney.” I don’t think she’ll believe for much longer.

I was her age when I stopped believing. My older sister showed me presents under the tree already labeled “from Santa” and it was several days before Christmas.

I was actually really mad that adults were lying to children. A little later on in elementary school I wrote an essay about how I felt and apparently my dad got a call from the school. I’m not sure whatever came of it.

Friends of my parents back home didn’t tell their kids about Santa because they didn’t want them to question Jesus when they found out Santa wasn’t real. 

I think it says a lot when you can compare Jesus to Santa. There are definitely some parallels.

Do you think Santa vs. Jesus is a far comparison? 

How do you feel about the whole Santa charade? Did you do it with kids in your family? Did you believe in Santa when you were little? How did you feel when you found out he wasn’t real?