One of my daughter’s favorite activities is drawing and considering my background in art, I am absolutely thrilled about it! I run a nonprofit arts center and sometimes my husband brings our daughter to visit me at work. She loves to draw and paint with the group, and the participants love having her there. She loves to experiment and she puts a smile on everyone’s face. The arts center is for people struggling with homelessness as well as mental health and addiction issues and my daughter lightens the mood and lets the participants have a little fun. 

We spend a lot of time drawing and painting at home as well. I love to draw eyes so naturally, my daughter does, too. We created a “book of eyes” — a collection of drawings my daughter and I made together. We have over 80 drawings in the book and I want to share of few of them with you.

Little kid’s interests are always changing but I hope my daughter’s love for art never dies.

Also, today is my daughter’s fourth birthday! I felt it was appropriate to post celebrating something we love doing together. 🙂

 

A comment that came from my blog post yesterday brought up a good discussion topic and inspired my post for today.

Should we discourage girls from liking anything that’s considered traditionally “feminine”? Even if they’re exposed to a variety of activities and interests? I don’t think we should label “girl” activities as bad. That in a way is putting women down as well. 

My daughter seems to like a bit of everything, but she does it all wearing pink from head to toe.

A little background info — I was raised by a single dad, so I wasn’t really exposed to too many gender roles. My dad did it all. My dad went to work every day at a demanding job and came home and cooked us a wonderful supper. I never really appreciated all that he did for us until I was older, and especially when I became a parent myself. I know there are many single moms out there doing the same thing. I’m pretty sure single parents are superheroes.

I used to think I was a girly girl because I like to do my hair and makeup. But now I see these makeup tutorials on Youtube with a million different steps and products. No, thank you. If it takes me more than 45 minutes to get ready for work in the morning I’m not doing it. I’m learning that I’m not as high maintenance as I thought I was. My daughter doesn’t see me going to fancy salons or spas or getting my nails done. (I work at an arts center so most of the time there’s paint under my nails.) But at the same time, I don’t want her to see those things as bad or wrong.

My husband and I have been married for 10 years, so for six years, we lived as a couple before having a baby. We were never really a traditional couple. My husband and I both work and divide household chores. It’s only been in the last year where I’ve felt we’ve fallen into more traditional roles. My husband works second shift, so I’ve become our daughter’s main caregiver. I get off work in the afternoon and pick up our daughter from daycare. I am the one making supper and taking care of her every night. This isn’t going to change any time soon. My husband and I both love our jobs, and while it’s hard not having my husband home at night, he makes twice as much money as I do. We don’t have much of a choice. I wonder what effect this will have on our daughter. We don’t mean to have “roles” but right now we are just doing what we need to do to get by.

So back to my main question, do we discourage girls from doing “girly” activities? Is it wrong for a little girl to like pink? Is it sending the wrong message to allow your daughter to like these things even if it’s their choice?

I feel my daughter’s play activities are pretty well balanced and I don’t push her in any direction. She’s a little human and she likes what she likes.

Right now her favorite thing is to have battles with her dinosaur toys. But we also play with beads and make bracelets for each other. (Actually, they usually end up on her dinosaurs or other toys and stuffed animals.) She loves playing outside and getting dirty but also watching me put on my makeup. She has a wide variety of play activities and she always adding new things to the list. 

Regardless, she really likes pink. I am aware of gender stereotypes and I encourage my daughter to make her own choices. Sometimes she puts together crazy outfits for daycare and it makes us all smile.

If my daughter chooses to have a tea party or dress like a princess, then so be it. I am okay with this because she has a wide range of interests.

Judging people for what they wear or are interested in is a big reason I speak out against the conservative groups where I live. It’s definitely not something I want my daughter exposed to, but I know I can’t protect her forever. Ideally, she should feel comfortable in her own skin and respect others as well.

I think the best thing we can do for girls is to empower them to make their own choices and to make as many opportunities available as possible.

Like I said yesterday, with everything a parent has to worry about, what your kids wear is pretty far down the list. It’s important as a community that we support each other because we all want what’s best for our kids.

Are there any other girl moms and dads out there juggling with the same issues?

So I decided to pick up a free seedling from the religious organization I talked about in a post a couple of days ago. I went back and forth on it.

You guys might think this is weird, but I tend to personify everything, and, well, the tree isn’t religious.

They never mentioned religion or asked for my information so I’m feeling better about it.

My daughter named the tree Lilly.

I know my daughter’s young — she’ll be four on Sunday — but it seems that she may have already been exposed to some rigid standards when it comes to gender. I’m guessing it’s from the other kids at daycare.

I think it’s really interesting when she calls a toy a boy or a girl and what she names it. I like asking her why she identifies it that way. She loves dinosaurs right now and she says all t-rexes are boys and triceratops are girls. When it comes to cartoon characters, she says boys talk louder than girls. Girls talk softly. I brought this up again just yesterday and she said you can always tell a girl by her eyelashes. Then again sometimes so just says “I don’t know” or “poop” and then laughs. 

How do I tell my daughter that there are more genders than boys and girls and that sometimes your body doesn’t match your brain — and that all of that is okay? Considering what she may be picking up at daycare I feel I need to approach this subject sooner rather than later.

When I was pregnant I wanted a girl so bad. I really did. My husband and I both lost our mothers and we decided if we ever had a daughter we would name her after them — so we had her name picked out years before she was born. We were so excited that we got to use that name. I don’t know if I will ever tell my daughter this because I don’t want her to feel bad or rejected if she identifies as a gender other than female.

I’m guessing a conversation about gender is ongoing over time. I feel the same way about talking to my daughter about sex. I definitely want to start both of these conversations before she starts school next year.

Have you ever talked to kids about gender? How do you feel it should be approached?

I think one of the worst parts of this quarantine for me is that the libraries are closed. I normally don’t leave the house much anyway, but I do go to the library at least once a week. The libraries in Toledo have been closed for a few weeks now. 

I spend a lot of time writing at the library. I also attend several writer’s groups there. I used to meet my SCORE mentor at the library as well as attend meetings for an activist group my husband and I are a part of. Not to mention my three-year-old daughter LOVES the library. She gets to read and pick out books to take home, and there are always toys and coloring pages there. A lot of times there are other kids she can play with at the library, too. 

A lot of families struggle in Toledo. We have a high rate of poverty, so the library is such an important part of our community. It offers so many resources and the programs are always free. For many people, the library is their only access to the internet. It’s also where many children get free meals. It’s always a great place to take your family, and it’s a safe place for kids to hang out so they’re not on the streets. 

I enjoy many of the library’s programs, but for many Toledoans, the library is a lifeline. 

I understand we need to stay safe and protect each other, so the libraries should stay closed as long as needed. But when the libraries open again, I will be there to support them more than ever.

I really questioned religion as a child, but due to symptoms I experienced from mental illness, I wasn’t able to fully call myself an atheist until my early twenties. 

One commenter on a previous post explained that a gruesome and far-fetched story from the Bible made them stop believing in god at a very early age.

I had very similar feelings as a child. I’ve always felt that the bible was filled with fairytales and fables and even as a kid I didn’t take them very seriously. It’s an interesting book but nothing more.

People, where I live, tend to take the Bible quite literally. It’s like with spirituality — this one area in their life — they throw all common sense out the window. If you took stories from the bible, took out god and Jesus, and put it in a different context, people would say you’re crazy for believing in it. 

We have friends of the family that didn’t tell their kids about Santa because they thought when they questioned the existence of Santa, they would question the existence of Jesus, too. That really says something, doesn’t it?