Goat and Monoceros.

The image of the goat in the roundel, scratching his head with his hind leg, is not related to the attributes given in the text which describe him living in high mountains.

The image of the goat in the roundel, scratching his head with his hind leg, is not related to the attributes given in the text which describe him living in high mountains.

Two agile beasts lock horns in a roundel.

Two agile beasts lock horns in a roundel.

The monoceros has the head of a stag, the tail of a boar, elephant's feet and a horse's body. A horn four feet long projects from his head. This creature was derived from the Indian rhinoceros.

The monoceros has the head of a stag, the tail of a boar, elephant’s feet and a horse’s body. A horn four feet long projects from his head. This creature was derived from the Indian rhinoceros.

Text Translation:

Of the goat There is an animal called in Latin caper, goat, because it chooses, capere, to live in rugged places; some call it capra from crepita, ‘a rustling noise’. These are the tame goats which the Greeks called dorcas, gazelle, because they have very sharp sight. They live in high mountains and can tell if men approaching a long way off are hunters or travellers. In the same way, our Lord Jesus Christ loves high mountains, that is, the prophets and Apostles, as it says in the Song of Songs: ‘Behold, my beloved cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills (see Song of Solomon, 2:8). As a goat grazes in the valleys, our Lord grazes on the church; the good works of Christian people are the food of him who said: ‘For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat; I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink.’ (Matthew, 25:35) By the valleys of the mountains are understood the churches spread through different regions, as it says in the Song of Songs: ‘My beloved is like a roe or young hart.’ (Song of Solomon, 2:9) The fact that the goat has very sharp eyesight, sees everything and recognises things from a long way off, signifies our Lord, who is the lord of all knowing and God. And elsewhere it is written: ‘Though the Lord be high yet hath he respect unto the lowly but the proud he knoweth afar off.’ (Psalms, 138:6) He created and established all things, and rules and judges and sees; and before anything arises in our hearts he foresees and understands it.

Lastly, just as the goat perceives from afar hunters approaching, so Christ knew in advance the plot of his betrayer, saying: ‘Behold, he is at hand that doth betray me.’ (Matthew, 26:46) Of the wild goat The goat has these characteristics: when grazing, it moves from high to even higher pastures. It picks out good grass from bad by the sharpness of its eyes. It feeds by chewing the grass. When wounded, it hurries to find the herb dittany and, by touching it, is healed. In the same way, good preachers graze on the law of the Lord and take delight in good works as in good pastures, rising from one virtue to another. They choose good writings from bad with the eyes of the heart and meditate upon those they have chosen, that is they examine the good in the views expressed and, having pondered them, commit them to memory. Wounded by sin, they hurry back to Christ by confessing and are quickly healed. For this reason, Christ is rightly said to be like ditanny. For as dittany drives out iron from a wound and heals it, so Christ through confession casts out the devil and pardons sin.

Of the monocerus The monoceros is a monster with a horrible bellow, the body of a horse, the feet of an elephant and a tail very like that of a deer. A magnificent, marvellous horn projects from the middle of its forehead, four feet in length, so sharp that whatever it strikes is easily pierced with the blow. No living monoceros has ever come into man’s hands, and while it can be killed, it cannot be captured.

Note: The monocerus was not always considered to be separate and distinct from a unicorn. Some works hold them to be the same beast; others hold them as separate beasts.

Folio 14r – Deer, continued. De capre; the goat.

Just Press The Right Button.

Vaught’s Practical Character Reader is an appalling little book on phrenology. I can’t imagine going around, staring at people, then feeling free to poke their head. Seems to me that would be an invitation to a facial rearrangement. There’s an insistence that anyone who doesn’t adopt their particular system is an idiot and worse, which  handily brings us to:

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The Relaxed Wife (1957).

Our nostalgia for the 1950s is tested with this strange and unnerving promotional film for the tranquilliser “Atarax”, in which a husband plagued by stress brought on by work and noisy children, is helped by his relaxed wife of the title. With her calming influence he learns not to focus on the problems of others or to worry about the rest of the world – “Let the world take care of its own worries. You’ll help yourself most by concentrating on your own affairs”. Named after ataraxia, the Greek word for relaxation, the tranquilliser is advertised through such rhyming lines as:

Today, medical science recognizes,

that some folks aren’t helped by relaxing exercises.

In cases of difficult tension, and nervous apprehension,

doctors are now prescribing an ataraxic medicine.

It makes those who fear they’re about to quit,

feel like they’re ready to begin,

bidding their darkened spirits goodbye,

for the calming peace of a cloudless sky.
Of all the states throughout this nation,

the happiest by far is the state of relaxation.

There’ll be fewer breakdowns and insomniacs,

when more of us have learned to be relaxed.

We’ll be free to relish the joys of life,

no longer tense over daily worries and strife.”

And it is medication, such as the Pfizer-produced Atarax, which is seen as the key to this panacea of relaxation. Although many think of anti-anxiety medication and anti-depressants as a rather modern way of life, housewives of the 1950s were frequent users of such drugs, the first and most popular being Miltown, named after the New Jersey hamlet in which it was first manufactured in 1955. According to Newsweek, just two years after it was first made available, “Americans had filled 36 million prescriptions for Miltown, more than a billion pills had been manufactured and these so-called ‘peace pills’ accounted for one third of all prescriptions.”

The narration is an eerie blend of Seuss and Stepford Wives. Oh, and Atarax is still going strong.  Via The Public Domain.

Apes and Deer.

The female monkey gives birth to twins, loving one and hating the other. When hunted, she carries the loved one in her arms while the other clings to her back. Eventually she tires, drops the favoured baby and the other one is saved. The ape does not have a tail.

The female monkey gives birth to twins, loving one and hating the other. When hunted, she carries the loved one in her arms while the other clings to her back. Eventually she tires, drops the favoured baby and the other one is saved. The ape does not have a tail.

The satyr, like the ape, has some similarities with man. He is partly like a goat with a beard, horns, and broad tail. His rather human body is covered with shaggy hair. He holds his thyrsus or wand, used in his lustful and disorderly revels. His face is quite attractive and he makes pantomime gestures.

The satyr, like the ape, has some similarities with man. He is partly like a goat with a beard, horns, and broad tail. His rather human body is covered with shaggy hair. He holds his thyrsus or wand, used in his lustful and disorderly revels. His face is quite attractive and he makes pantomime gestures.

Bodleian Library, MS. Bodley 764, Folio 20r. Two stags with a doe and fawns.

Bodleian Library, MS. Bodley 764, Folio 20r. Two stags with a doe and fawns.

In the upper register, a stag is wounded by a hunter's arrow. Below, the stag eats the herb dittany, causing the arrow to come out. British Library, Harley MS 4751, Folio 14v.

In the upper register, a stag is wounded by a hunter’s arrow. Below, the stag eats the herb dittany, causing the arrow to come out. British Library, Harley MS 4751, Folio 14v.

Text Translation:

Apes are called simie in Latin because the similarity between their mentality and that of humans is felt to be great. Apes are keenly aware of the elements; they rejoice when the moon is new and are sad when it wanes. A characteristic of the ape is that when a mother bears twins, she loves one and despises the other. If it ever happens that she is pursued by hunters, she carries the one she loves before her in her arms and the one she detests on her shoulders. But when she is tired of going upright, she deliberately drops the one she loves and reluctantly carries the one she hates. The ape does not have a tail. The Devil has the form of an ape, with a head but no tail. Although every part of the ape is foul, its rear parts are disgusting and horrid enough. The Devil began as an angel in heaven. But inside he was a hypocrite and a deceiver, and he lost his tail, because he will perish totally at the end, just as the apostle says: ‘The Lord shall consume him with the spirit of his mouth.’ (2 Thessalonians, 2:8) The name symia is Greek, meaning, ‘flattened nostrils’. Hence we call the ape symia because they have compressed nostrils and a hideous face, its creases foully expanding and contracting like a bellows; although she-goats also have a flattened nose. The apes called circopetici have tails. This alone distinguishes them from the apes mentioned earlier. Cenophali are numbered among the apes. They occur in great numbers in parts of Ethiopia. They leap wildly and bite fiercely. They are never so tame, that their ferocity does not increase. Sphynxes are also included among apes. They have shaggy hair on their arms and are easily taught to forget their wild nature. Of satyrs There are also apes that men call satyrs. They have quite attractive faces, and are restless, making pantomimed gestures. The apes called callitrices differ from the others in almost every aspect of their appearance. They have bearded faces and broad tails. It is not difficult to catch them but they rarely survive in captivity. They do not live elsewhere than under the Ethiopian sky, that is their native sky.

I’ll admit, I find that whole tail business a bit confusing. Before continuing with the deer, I’ll note that A drink made from the tears and the heart bones of a stag is a cure for troubles of the heart was a common belief way back when, the ‘heart bones’ of a stag being in the shape of a cross. This interesting belief is a main plot point in This Night’s Foul Work, by Fred Vargas.

Of deer The word cervi (deer) comes from ceraton, ‘horns’, for horns are called cerata in Greek. Deer are the enemies of snakes; when they feel weighed down with weakness, they draw snakes from their holes with the breath of their noses and, overcoming the fatal nature of their venom, eat them and are restored. They have shown the value of the herb dittany, for after feeding on it, they shake out the arrows which have lodged in them. Deer marvel at the sound of the pipes; their hearing is keen when their ears are pricked but they hear nothing when their ears are lowered. Deer have this characteristic also, that they change their feeding-ground for love of another country, and in doing so, they support each other. When they cross great rivers or large long stretches of water, they place their head on the hindquarters of the deer in front and, following one on the other, do not feel impeded by their weight. When they find such places, they cross them quickly, to avoid sinking in the mire. They have another characteristic, that after eating a snake they run to a spring and, drinking from it, shed their long coats and all signs of old age.

The members of the holy Church seem to have a mentality corresponding to that of deer, because while they change their homeland, that is, the world, for love of the heavenly homeland, they carry each other, that is, the more perfect bring on and sustain the less perfect by their example and their good works. And if they find a place of sin, they leap over it at once, and after the incarnation of the Devil, that is, after committing a sin, they run, by their confession, to Christ, the true spring; drinking in his commandments, they are renewed, shedding their sin like old age. Stags, when it is time to rut, rage with the madness of lust. Does, although they may been inseminated earlier, do not conceive before the star Arcturus appears. They do not rear their young just anywhere but hide them with tender care, concealed deep in bushes or grass, and they make them stay out of sight with a tap of the hoof. When the young grow strong enough to take flight, the deer train them to run and to leap great distances. When deer hear the dogs barking, they move upwind taking their scent with them. They are scared rigid by everything, which makes them an easier mark for archers. Of their horns, the right-hand one is better for medical purposes. If you want to frighten off snakes, you should burn either. If deer have few or no teeth, it shows that they are old. In order to tell their age, Alexander the Great ringed a number of deer; when they were recaptured a century later they showed no sign of old age. The offspring of the deer are called hinnuli, fawns, from innuere, ‘to nod’, because at a nod from their mother, they vanish from sight.

The rennet of a fawn killed in its mother’s womb is a marvellous remedy against poisons. It is known that deer never grow feverish. For this reason ointments made from their marrow bring down sick men’s temperatures. We read that many men who have regularly eaten a small amount of venison since their early days have lived for a long time unaffected by fevers; but ultimately it fails them as a remedy if they are killed by a single blow.

Folio 12v – Simie vocantur…; apes.

Yer So Trad…

Prairie Dress. Jumpinbloomers.com

I’m not entirely sure how to introduce this one. Okay, a bunch of Nazis were hanging out in a garage, drinking and smoking cigars, listening to Tom Petty, when they decided to write their own song, set to Petty’s Yer So Bad.

Before you click play, you might want to read the lyrics:

My girlfriend Stacy wants lots of babies
Maybe in five years or so
While I’m in the basement she larps as a peasant
Soon we’ll go live in the woods

In Fashy Dating she pretends she’s a lady
Yer so trad, liftin yer skirt for chad
In a world gone mad, yer so trad

She reads Evola, a lesbian chola
What kind of wheat fields are these?
A culture or fetish? A THOT with a purpose
Fishnets under the prairie dress

Oh Nazi Lady, oben bobs and vagene
Yer so trad, best lay I ever had
In a world gone chad, yer so trad

Incels and autists, virgins and kissless,
Too good to wed single moms

Oh Nazi Lady, oben bobs and vagene
In Fashy Dating (in fashy dating!), She pretends she’s a lady
Yer so trad, givin it up for a chad
In a world gone mad, yer so trad

Yer so trad, best lay I ever had
In a world gone mad, yer so trad

They described the song as “funnier than the original” and “about the scene of trad thoughts that are out there.”

Could just be me, but I don’t find that to be funny at all. Then again, I’m not a Nazi. You can read more at RWW.