Dammit Jim, That’s Not Biblical!

Facundus Beatus, f. 191v: The Dragon gives his power to the Beast. Commentaria In Apocalypsin, 8th Century. Click for giant size.

It’s Jim Bakker, again. The title of this post is a bit unfair; I couldn’t resist. You can’t honestly say something is or isn’t biblical, given the sheer amount of different versions and interpretations. It’s just a god mash hash. This recent tearful plea by Jim has to do with The Great Tribulation, upon which, there are many versions and interpretations, and a number of different beliefs.

“If they kill our president or they destroy him or whatever, if we elect the other side,” Bakker said, “this is it. I think maybe Trump is here to give us time to get ready because all hell is going to break loose. We’re not going to have the Antichrist show up to get the sign of the Mark of the Beast on our forehead or hand, it won’t happen without hunger. Hunger is going to be the main thing. Most people don’t get it, they don’t want to get it, but that is why I am so obsessed with you all being prepared.”

Horrendous Hyperbole, Jim! Electing democrats is not the same as murder. Really truly. It is fun to see how much you change your narrative from one appeal to the next. So now the Tiny Tyrant isn’t the Jehovah blessed saviour, he’s just a little sort of hourglass? How the mighty fall. I hate to break into this melodrama, but people who have enough money to buy your yuck inna bucket are in no danger of going hungry. There are people in this world who are going hungry. A great many people have already been displaced by climate change, and can no longer sustain themselves in their homelands. There are plenty of people living in poverty right here in Ustates, who not only can’t afford nutritious food, they’re stuck in food deserts. All manner of children cannot concentrate in school because they are consumed by hunger. And here you are, hawking your absurdly expensive crap inna bucket. There isn’t a shred of decency in you, Jim. There certainly isn’t so much as a tattered remnant of shame anywhere to be seen.

Bakker’s wife, Lori, warned that Christians who don’t think they would ever accept the Mark of the Beast will inevitably do so when they see that their children or grandchildren are starving, which prompted Bakker to bring out his newborn grandson, whom he cradled as he wept, saying, “I hear them crying, I’ve heard them crying for years and God says, ‘What will you do if these babies are starving?’”

There are babies starving right fucking now, you evil piece of shit! Do you care? No. Your answer to ‘god’s’ question: oooh, sell the rubes nasty shit inna bucket!

What happened to the rapture? Aren’t you among those who believe the rapture will happen prior to the tribulation? You seem awful certain your ‘flock’ won’t make the cut. From what I recall about what I was taught, if you fuck up and get stuck in the tribulation, those who go nobly to their deaths right away will get to do the ghostly happy dance up to Jesus. So, no need to buy your stuff, no need to starve. Just die. Should be a cakewalk for you christians, you’re always going on and on and on and on about being persecuted, and being wannabe martyrs, and there’s your chance!

The program then immediately cut away to a pre-filmed segment promoting Bakker’s $1,500 “Complete Grocery Store” survival package.

One thousand, five hundred dollars. Right. I have no words for just how gosh-darn godly and righteous that one happens to be. You are the naked face of hypocritical greed, complete with crocodile tears, and a willingness to use your infant grandchild. Evil, thy name is Jim Bakker, and you fit the new beatitude to a T.

You can see the oh so tearful Jim at RWW, if you so wish. One good thing about this nasty nonsense, I get an excuse to indulge in some fabulous art. One more from Beatus below the fold, Osma Beatus, f. 139: The Frogs:

Click for giant size.

You can see much more here.

Considered together, the Beatus codices are among the most important Spanish manuscripts and have been the subject of extensive scholarly and antiquarian enquiry. The illuminated versions now represent the best known works of Mozarabic art, and had some influence on the medieval art of the rest of Europe.


  1. says

    It’s Revelation 16: 13-14:

    And I saw three unclean spirits like frogs come out of the mouth of the dragon, and out of the mouth of the beast, and out of the mouth of the false prophet.

    For they are the spirits of devils, working miracles, which go forth unto the kings of the earth and of the whole world, to gather them to the battle of that great day of God Almighty.

Leave a Reply