Crushed By A Giant Bag of Drugs! Bad!

The Tiny Tyrant is talking again. Sad! Bad, too.

President Donald Trump said in an interview on Air Force One during the flight to France that his border wall with Mexico won’t just be solar powered, it’ll be transparent so that people don’t get crushed when drug dealers throw “large sacks of drugs” over the wall.


“One of the things you need with the wall is transparency,” said Trump. “You have to be able to see through it in other words, if you can’t see through that wall — so it could be a steel wall with openings, but you have to have openings because you have to see what’s on the other side.”

Why does the president believe you need to be able to see through the border wall? To avoid getting crushed by giant sacks of drugs being thrown in from Mexico, of course.

“As horrible as it sounds, when they throw the large sacks of drugs over, and if you have people on the other side of the wall, you don’t see them — they hit you on the head with 60 pounds of stuff? It’s over. As crazy as that sounds, you need transparency through that wall. But we have some incredible designs.”

I thought “the wall” was supposed to stop all those bad hombres with the evil weed, yeah? Doesn’t seem to be much point, if you can just walk up and heave big bags of drugs capable of crushing someone over the side. Will there be lines of trebuchets, perhaps? What’s to stop people being heaved over the great transparency?

Apparently, some of the details are that the wall will be 55 feet tall. You have to have one hell of an arm to be pitching gigantic bags of drugs over the side. Right.

You can see some choice responses here.


  1. kestrel says

    Fascinating. So someone is taking their product, that they presumable worked hard to grow and harvest, and they are using super-human strength and just pitching this over the wall? Without getting paid first? And *somebody* thinks that makes sense?

    I think I need a drink.

  2. militantagnostic says

    kestrel @5
    You obviously have not thought this through. If the wall is transparent buyer and seller can release their money and drug trebuchets simultaneously.

  3. kestrel says

    militantagnostic, @6:
    Good point, and since the wall is solar powered, they won’t even need trebuchets! Because all the solar there is good! Or something!

    Yeah, I’ll just have a scotch. Holy cow.

  4. chigau (違う) says

    Someone should suggest to Trump (maybe in a tweet), that the MexicanDrugDealers are using Transporters to move their drugs.
    You know, like StarTrek.
    I bet he’d believe it.

  5. komarov says

    The wall will be solar-powered? Now what would it need power for? Some possibilities:

    -- Watchtowers every four meters*
    -- Radar stations every twelve meters**
    -- Camouflaged pitfalls with spikes / snakes / killer ants / wild lions / everything
    -- Automated gun emplacements (goodbye wildlife)
    -- A dense sensor grid extending away from the wall deep into mexican territory (how far depends on the range of whatever kind of surplus artillery/howitzer the DoD passes on to border patrol)
    -- A matter-replicator / teleporter to replenish the belt of tripmines laid out in front of the wall
    -- A deadly laserfence somewhere in front of the wall (avoids grubby/bloody handprints on the actual wall)
    -- Anti-Air guns (to defend against trebuchet-launched bags of weed)
    -- The nuclear silo that’s there just in case things at the border get really hairy
    -- The satellite control centre monitoring the Mexico border wall SDI-system (in case drug cartels develop ICBMs to launch megaton-bags of weed across the border)

    “Peposterous”, you may say. But this is Trump’s America and in Trump’s America there is nothing more important than the southern border. Besides, can you imagine how many jobs this project would create? The gun emplacement maintenance technicians alone would make up a sizeable workforce. And between the gunfire, the shelling, the mines and the unseen laserfence there’d be steady turnover, er, new job openings all the time. In conclusion, none of my inferences is unreasonable. Unrealistic, maybe, but not unreasonable given who’s masterminding the project.***

    *They need to maintain a line of sight even in heavy fog so that signals about attacking barbarian hordes can be passed on to the nearest legion
    **Just in case radar is affected by fog in the future
    ***I ought to charge a consulting fee…

  6. johnson catman says

    komarov @11:
    I think you should say “masterminding” the project. There is no evidence that there is even a mind behind 45’s eyes.

  7. says

    Yet if the Mexicans just lobbed handy 1lb packs over the fence the US guards would end up too stoned to do anything.

  8. busterggi says

    If it were bags of bullshit instead of drugs then the Donald could toss over tons at a hurl.

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