Oh My, Randy Has A Cry.

Oh my. Prepare yourself for a treacly glurge overdose, because Rep. Randy Weber has one comin’ your way, all choked up and laced with tears, as well as a slight rewording of The Lord’s Prayer.

Modifying the Lord’s Prayer to declare that “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth here in the halls of Congress,” Weber confessed the “sins our nation has been so emboldened to embark upon” and pleaded with God to forgive us.

“We have endeavored to try and kick your word out of public schools,” Weber said. “Father, we have endeavored to take the Bible out of classrooms, the Ten Commandments off the walls. Oh, Lord, forgive us. Father, we think we’re so smart, we have replaced your word and your precepts with drug-sniffing dogs, with metal detectors, with uniformed police officers in our schools. Oh, Lord, forgive us.”

Perhaps if you assholes were smart enough to legalize some drugs, and get serious about gun control, but yeah, real world solutions, those things aren’t good at all, no.

“Father, we have trampled on your holy institution of holy matrimony and tried to rewrite what it is and we’ve called it an alternate lifestyle,” Weber continued, his voice cracking. “Father, oh Father, please forgive us.”

:Sputters tea all over: Excuse me? Have you read the fucking bible? At all? Holy institution of holy matrimony my decidedly unsainted ass. This is barely dipping into the subject. There was a tremendous amount of fucking around in the bible, of all sorts.

“Lord, we have gone to killing the most innocent amongst us,” he wept. “Your servant Moses warned in Deuteronomy 19 for us to choose life so that we and all our descendants might live. Father, we’re killing our descendants and we’re calling it a choice. Oh, God in heaven, forgive us, please.”

Oh please. No one is killing your descendants, you silly asspimple. Whether or not I have descendants, and how many is none of your business. Once again, do you ever read the bible? Ever? In between public praying performances, perhaps? You should. I’ll help you out. I can help you out with Deuteronomy, too. You’ll have to pardon me if I simply raise an eyebrow over the thought of following the sociopath’s rule book. No thanks.

Via RWW.


  1. Siobhan says

    “Father, we have trampled on your holy institution of holy matrimony and tried to rewrite what it is and we’ve called it an alternate lifestyle,” Weber continued, his voice cracking

    You know, those good old days, when you could beat your wife and own slaves.

  2. says

    And when you pray, do not be like the hypocrites, for they love to pray standing in the synagogues and on the street corners to be seen by others. Truly I tell you, they have received their reward in full.

    But when you pray, go into your room, close the door and pray to your Father, who is unseen. Then your Father, who sees what is done in secret, will reward you.

    Matthew 6:5-6

    The words of your Jesus, you unutterable Christianist hypocrite.

  3. says

    Oh my. After reading the article I have no intention of watching the video now. Or ever.

    What a dumbass. This is what religion does to people -- it makes them dumb.

  4. says

    I just noticed something interesting. Very shortly after the above quote there is:

    Do not store up for yourselves treasures on earth, where moths and vermin destroy, and where thieves break in and steal. But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moths and vermin do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

    “The eye is the lamp of the body. If your eyes are healthy, your whole body will be full of light. But if your eyes are unhealthy, your whole body will be full of darkness. If then the light within you is darkness, how great is that darkness!

    “No one can serve two masters. Either you will hate the one and love the other, or you will be devoted to the one and despise the other. You cannot serve both God and money.

    Matthew 6:19-24

    Jesus, personally, inconveniently condemning the ‘properity gospel’ that the right-wing assholes seem to follow as explicitly impious and un-Christian.

  5. Ice Swimmer says

    Congresscritter’s prayer:

    Our Father in heaven,
    hallowed be your name,
    your kingdom and our votes come
    give unto us our donor money,
    PAC money and lobbyists’ cheques.
    And forgive us saying your name in vain
    as we forgive our primary opponents
    who have become lobbyists
    and do not bring us electoral defeat or
    campaign finance reform
    but rescue us to the boardrooms of corporations.

  6. komarov says

    Oh, great. While there is nothing wrong with public display of emotion, the possible conclusions from this are not encouraging.

    A) He’s a manipulative smeghead, not a good representative.*

    B) He is genuinely heartbroken at his country having slighted an imaginary deity. This makes him a conflict of interest personified if, in his office, he has ever to deal with matters involving religion or those where religion shapes opinion. That leaves … a lot of free time where he has to recuse himself?

    C) He is so susceptible to religious dogma that he is easily manipulated by someone claiming to be a religious figure of authority. Or he might pick is own godly tangent of awfulness based on whatever holy book he happens to be reading at the time.

    These aren’t exactly mutually exclusive. In any case, he does not strike me as someone you’d want in charge of anything more critical to US government than a hot dog stand.

    *Based on the assumption that there is not an entire district of manipulative smegheads out there who exercised their democratic rights in choosing someone from amongst their number to speak for them. That would probably be fine.

  7. quotetheunquote says

    That faint retching sound you hear is me puking my guts out after listening to this … this is an elected official? Not some sort of Onion video?

    Commenters #1 through #6 all make good points (signing off on the prayer with “Mammon” -- brilliant!), but I just can’t get past “…thar will be done.”

    He must have read the “Our Father” hundreds (probably thousands) of time, in one version or another, and he doesn’t know how to pronounce “thy?”

  8. quotetheunquote says

    You mean,
    “It don’t mean a thang,
    If it ain’t got that twang”

    (giggly face)

Leave a Reply