Oh my. Prepare yourself for a treacly glurge overdose, because Rep. Randy Weber has one comin’ your way, all choked up and laced with tears, as well as a slight rewording of The Lord’s Prayer.
Modifying the Lord’s Prayer to declare that “thy kingdom come, thy will be done on earth here in the halls of Congress,” Weber confessed the “sins our nation has been so emboldened to embark upon” and pleaded with God to forgive us.
“We have endeavored to try and kick your word out of public schools,” Weber said. “Father, we have endeavored to take the Bible out of classrooms, the Ten Commandments off the walls. Oh, Lord, forgive us. Father, we think we’re so smart, we have replaced your word and your precepts with drug-sniffing dogs, with metal detectors, with uniformed police officers in our schools. Oh, Lord, forgive us.”
Perhaps if you assholes were smart enough to legalize some drugs, and get serious about gun control, but yeah, real world solutions, those things aren’t good at all, no.
“Father, we have trampled on your holy institution of holy matrimony and tried to rewrite what it is and we’ve called it an alternate lifestyle,” Weber continued, his voice cracking. “Father, oh Father, please forgive us.”
:Sputters tea all over: Excuse me? Have you read the fucking bible? At all? Holy institution of holy matrimony my decidedly unsainted ass. This is barely dipping into the subject. There was a tremendous amount of fucking around in the bible, of all sorts.
“Lord, we have gone to killing the most innocent amongst us,” he wept. “Your servant Moses warned in Deuteronomy 19 for us to choose life so that we and all our descendants might live. Father, we’re killing our descendants and we’re calling it a choice. Oh, God in heaven, forgive us, please.”
Oh please. No one is killing your descendants, you silly asspimple. Whether or not I have descendants, and how many is none of your business. Once again, do you ever read the bible? Ever? In between public praying performances, perhaps? You should. I’ll help you out. I can help you out with Deuteronomy, too. You’ll have to pardon me if I simply raise an eyebrow over the thought of following the sociopath’s rule book. No thanks.