I hate the olympics because of the corruption in the surrounding fol-de-rol, the pointless displays of silly excess, and the nationalism.
Especially the nationalism.
I cringe when I see “USA WINS (whatever)” No, actually, it was Simone Biles that won. It was Michael Phelps that won. They would have won if they had been doing floor routines for Finland, or swimming for Sweden.
I loathe the tasteless costumes, which are frequently parodies of national
clothes. For one thing, the idea of “national clothes” carries the acrid reek of fascism to my nose. For another, it overrides what ought to be interesting about the event!! Why not have the fencers come out wearing gloriously fencing-inspired costumes? But, you know what? Most of the athletes, you know, athlete, in costume already.
Meanwhile, Ralph Lauren, is the French Beret now a “Freedom Beret”? And look at the horrible fit of that jacket! It’s a national embarrassment if that‘s a national blazer. And … rounded collar with peaked lapels? Raaaaaaaalph, what were you smoking?
If the athletes must be costumed, why not let the athletes costume
themselves, and have a red carpet show just like at the other great cheese-events like the Oscars? Give them a chance to reflect on themselves and what they feel about themselves. If they’ve got national pride they want to show, let them. And if they want to wear a shirt that says “Black Lives Matter” let them.
The nationalists have turned the Olympics into a great big festival of power and control – a demonstration of how it’s all about them and their petty agendas – not about the athletes. The athletes, by the way, are the only reason anyone should be watching that crap. Simone Biles does not need to be wearing an american flag. Simone Biles is the nation of Simone Biles and her costume is her gymnastics. Seriously, how can even the incredible (picture me rolling my eyes so hard I sprain my neck) Ralph Lauren imagine he can gild that lily? The beautiful part about that picture is her smile – not her outfit – it is not possible to improve on that smile with an outfit made from cloth.
Can you imagine what it feels like to know that you’re probably one of the best ever at that thing you do? And undoubtedly the best in the world right now? Poor Ralph Lauren will never get to know.
But oligarchs have gotta oligarch, and another important oligarch dance is the “look at my opulence dance” – the Olympics are a great opportunity to spend billions of dollars on fancy stadia that now look like this:
I am Olympics, king of kings, look upon my works, ye mortals, and despair!
Need I mention that the citizens of Greece probably wish they had that $10billion right about now?
Here’s my suggestions:
- Make the olympics about the athletes and hold the events around the world, at the place(s) that make the most sense. Hold the skiing at the slope that makes the most sense, when it makes the most sense.
- Forget the pageantry and make it about the athletes.
- Get the nationalism out of the sports, athletes should be referred to by name and not nation – this would do a lot to reduce the need nationalists feel to win at all costs, by cheating.
- Do not allow news-casters that are talking heads: have a fencer comment on the fencing and a gymnast on the gymnastics, etc. Let the media talking heads talk about being media talking heads – somewhere else.
- At the end of the year, have a great big oscars-style ceremony and let the athletes wear whatever they damn well want on the red carpet.
- Have an additional layer of medals given out at the oscars-style ceremony for “Best supporting player” “Best coach” “Sportsmanship” “Best photo” “Best video segment”
- At the oscars-style ceremony, you do not have Hollywood vapids or media talking heads awarding the awards: you have past winners. People who’ve been up that mountain and know how hard it was to get there.
- Whatever you do, don’t have an Emcee – especially not Ricky Gervais – there to distract from the one time that we pause from our usual activities and take a deep breath and say “!*$&!^!^!!!” as we watch the best of human athletes do what they do best.
TL;DR: I hate the game, not the players.
PS – And know you know why I hate “The Hunger Games”* – it’s playing for irony, but there actually isn’t any irony there to play with.
(* Also, watching Jennifer Lawrence handle a bow really hurts me)