The new right-wing crackpot governor of Virginia campaigned on abolishing the teaching of Critical Race Theory (CRT) in the state’s public schools, among other ignorant, wrong and/or horrifying conservative “ideas.”
WE ARE NOT AMUSED.
But what happened next is as amusing as it was predictable: [Read more…]
If you like dark humor (is there any other kind?) there sure is much to snort about in this cartoon. Of course by “cookies,” I think it’s safe to assume the cartoonist is referring to special treats like nourishing food, a secure home, unpolluted water and air, access to education limited only by one’s abilities and aspirations, and no fear of police, of bullets, of medical bankruptcy, or of indentured servitude to predatory financial institutions, among many other “cookies.”
However, …the artist apparently “forgot” to draw women and people of minority identities other than Dark Immigrant Man kneeling and crouched on the floor all around the table, waiting and hoping for cookie crumbs to fall. You know, like dogs.
![Twitter stream of 3 messages: 1. Rex Chapman: "Canada just announced the new Covid caccine to every Canadian who wants it – for free." 2. [Senator] Ted Cruz: "That's great. Just out of curiosity, which country was it that developed the vaccine? Wonder why. (3) March For Science: "Thanks for asking, Ted! The Pfizer/BioNTech vaccine was developed in Germany by a pair of immigrant scientists from Turkey."](https://i1.wp.com/freethoughtblogs.com/iris/files/2021/10/ted-cruz-vax-tweet.jpg?resize=504%2C675&ssl=1)
Unwarranted smugness is a signature hallmark of conservatives, and is often as hilarious as it is baffling. But even within the Republican realm, Ted Cruz proves himself to be an exemplary case pretty much every time he opens his mouth.
Ya gotta laugh. Or, you know, cry. Either way, there is something very, very wrong and/or hilarious about the conservative mind.
-Iris Vander Pluym, Art Critic.
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EXACTLY, Amy. I’m pretty sure that people who do gender reveals are conservative, at least with respect to sex role stereotypes. And those kinds of ideas never seem to travel alone. In other words: eew!
I think if I’d ever had a kid, I might have done a gender reveal just to fuck with the conservatives in my family. I’d make a multi-layer red velvet cake, with each layer consisting of a few different colors of batter roughly swirled together, just like I did for my sister’s birthday that one time. (If I can find a pic I’ll post it later.)
When I’d cut into it, every slice would have a rainbow of colors in it, at which point I’d announce “It’s a gender! Or maybe agender! Who the fuck cares and what the fuck is wrong with you people?”
[CUE: music, disco lighting and ecologically-friendly rainbow confetti.
photo taken during 1/6 insurrection of Jeezus carrying his infamous cross Trump flag in the U.S. Senate, while actor Steve Buscemi looms menacingly behind him. (via AP)
According to the Associated Press, the Christian deity will be the first to face sentencing for a felony today in connection with the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. It also turns out that Jeezus hails from Florida BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES.
Further, in a development that has been suspiciously underreported, actor Steve Buscemi appears to be right there, insurrectin’ right along with Jeezus, as you can plainly see for yourself in the above image.
I observe International Women’s Day by telling men to smile.
I AM KIDDING PEOPLE. It’s no fun at all when the dOOds are all wearing goddamn masks. Next year, however…
Once again, my post from the other day alerting readers to the death of human-shaped shitsack Rush Limbaugh and announcing the immediate commencement of our traditional grave dancing ceremonies has caused grave (<-hahaha – still funny) offense. And, once again, the ensuing comments have caused equally grave offense, since we are all subject to the same admonishment.
Last night at 10:33pm EST, someone with the handle Susan Apperson (whose email address is sapperson31@gmail.com) took time out of his or her or their busy day to issue this decree:
You people are all evil, evil people who God will someday judge. I would hate to be on all your death beds. None of you should judge…….God is the only judge!!. AND Karma is a bitch!!!
OMFG I love everything about this comment. Let’s break it down, shall we?
O NOEZ! It seems my post yesterday alerting readers to the death of human-shaped shitbag Rush Limbaugh and announcing the immediate commencement of the traditional grave dancing has caused grave (<-hahaha) offense. And grave offense was taken not only at my post, but at your amusing comments too.
Yes, this morning at 9:42 EST, someone with the handle “Dakota Al”* (whose email address is alandmoller@gmail.com) took time out of her or his or their busy day to enlighten us all with this important information:
You people are truly sick. Good luck with your newly appointed dictatorship ….. assholes.
I just thought you should all know right away.
I think in response, I just want to reply with something I retweeted yesterday:
“how would YOU like it if Republicans celebrate when YOU die???”
If I live my life in such a way that Republicans celebrate my death I’ll have achieved success beyond my wildest dreams
I’ll just keep right on dancing as I eagerly await my marching instructions from my newly appointed dictator.
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*Did I ever tell you about that one time I mailed actual coat hangers to every one of the Republicans (and some Dems) in the South Dakota state legislature who had just passed a statute outlawing all abortions? I included a personal note too, helpfully advising them to keep this very important tool handy for their wives, girlfriends, daughters, mistresses and/or themselves, because as anyone even slightly familiar with the abortion issue knows, outlawing abortions does nothing to stop them, it only maims and kills people who are pregnant and do not wish to be so. I signed off as The Coathanger Lobby. FUN TIMES.
But the whole thing was a time consuming and expensive undertaking, so I switched tactics. When I go for my annual pap smear, I have my gynecologist take a picture of my vaginal canal and cervix, so I can simply send the image as a courtesy to lawmakers and other conservatives who are inexplicably obsessed with what goes into and/or comes out of there. Surely they’ve been pleased to learn that my ladyjunk is in good working order.
Readers with memories longer than my own may recall my post a few weeks ago, in which I proffered a flawless, airtight, exquisitely logicked explanation as to why President Dickhead ordered only 100 million COVID vaccines for a country of 331 million people, and then I dared readers who disagreed with my hypothesis to – and I quote – “fight me.”
And fight me some did! Tho I swear, at the time of this bloody savagery, I had already come up with even MOAR flawless, airtight, exquisitely logicked explanations with which to BURY ALL YOU MOTHERFUCKERS. (In the sweetest, gentlest, most loving and respectful way possible of course, unless you explicitly and enthusiastically consent to liking it rough, and provide a safeword.)
But then a couple things happened. First, I got distracted. Not like oooh!-look!-shiny!-distracted. More like… overwhelmed with medical issues you would not want to hear about (and related calls and conferences you would not want to hear about either), and getting swept up in certain holiday-oriented rituals and festivities including incredibly foolish undertakings of my own (un)doing that sure seemed like super easy and fun ideas at the time haha and yet remain unfinished to this day and now require both international shipping (to New Jersey) AND specialized superpowers which alas, are among those I do not possess.
And second, I remembered something very important about Death to Squirrels. And that is, unless you agree with me, YOU ARE WRONG BECAUSE THAT’S HOW THIS BLOG WORKS.*
So that should have been the end of it, right? I mean, unless and until one of us again finds it mildly amusing to speculate – to the death! – on the exact nature of President Dickhead’s neural misfirings.
But not so fast! For in the wee hours of this very morn, at 3:29am local/EST to be precise, we were gifted with a new and… distinctive contribution to our epic battlethread. It purports to originate from one heretofore unheard of “Christina richards,” and is copied-&-pasted here, unedited, and in its entirety, from my unapproved comments feed because (a) I kinda want to know whether Christina richards is for real or not and I honestly cannot tell, and (b) either way, it’s fucking hilarious:
That GIANT DICK Donald Trump may not plan on going anywhere anytime soon. But rest easy, people. I got this.