Jeezus sentenced for his part in 1/6 insurrection today. Also, WTF Steve Buscemi?!

photo taken during 1/6 insurrection: foreground = man who looks like traditional depictions of the Christian deity carrying his infamous cross - except it's a Trump flag. looming behind him is a guy who resembles actor Steve Buscemi.photo taken during 1/6 insurrection of Jeezus carrying his infamous cross Trump flag in the U.S. Senate, while actor Steve Buscemi looms menacingly behind him. (via AP)

According to the Associated Press, the Christian deity will be the first to face sentencing for a felony today in connection with the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. It also turns out that Jeezus hails from Florida BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES.

Further, in a development that has been suspiciously underreported, actor Steve Buscemi appears to be right there, insurrectin’ right along with Jeezus, as you can plainly see for yourself in the above image.

[Read more…]

Happy Grave Dancing! DONALD RUMSFELD IS DEAD!

New York Daily News logo with "breaking news" bannerFormer Secretary of Defense Donald Rumsfeld dies at 88: family

Regarded by former colleagues as equally smart and combative, patriotic and politically cunning, Rumsfeld had a storied career under four presidents and nearly a quarter-century in corporate America.
Read the Latest

Or…don’t. I care about as much about the details surrounding Rumsfeld’s death as he cared about Iraqi civilians.  LET’S DANCE!

dancing snoopy

BREAKING: Derek Chauvin sentenced to 270 months for murder of George Floyd.

It’s a ten-year upward departure from the state’s sentencing guidelines for the crime of second degree murder. The victim impact statements were fucking heartbreaking and incredibly moving, especially the appearance of Floyd’s 7 year old daughter Gianna, who spoke via video link. It’s just a fact that there can never be any real justice for her. Floyd’s brother just aches to understand why. I don’t think he will ever get any kind of answer either, at least not a satisfactory one.

The judge said the upward sentencing departure was based on four aggravating factors, one of which was cruelty. No one who has seen the video of Floyd’s murder could deny that. Nevertheless, the defense argued for a sentence of “probation and time served.” And Chauvin’s mother got up there to proclaim Chauvin’s innocence, and assured her son that many other people believe in his innocence, too. That the Floyd family sat quietly through all of that is a testament to their extraordinary strength of character. I’m sure I couldn’t do it.

Now the world will bear witness to Chauvin’s endless appeals, as well as the additional trial on federal charges. I will be paying attention, because George Floyd matters.

Graffiti artist Eme Freethinker kneels in front of his portrait of George Floyd, which he painted on one of the last remaining sections of the Berlin Wall. “I remember when I came in [to paint it], some guy told me, ‘You have to do it with the police over his neck,'” Freethinker says, “and I was like: ‘No, man. Not like that. No.'”

Rudy “Nosferatu” Giuliani stripped of NY law license.

side by side images of Giuliani and Nosferatu (from the film of the same name)Former New York lawyer
Rudy “Nosferatu” Giuliani
(L) and/or (R).

Happy dance, everybody! No, he’s not dead (he’s undead, and possibly immortal like Dick Cheney, who has no pulse). However, the odious former mayor of New York City got a little taste of justice today.

New York Daily News logo with "breaking news" banner

Rudy Giuliani’s license to practice law in N.Y. pulled over ‘demonstrably false’ 2020 election claims

[Read more…]

Georgia conservatives attempt world record for pettiest voter suppression law.

BREAKING NEWS ALERT via Washington Post:

Georgia lawmakers pass sweeping voting bill that would curtail the use of drop boxes and allow challenges to voting eligibility

The measure, which also expands early voting hours and makes it a crime to give voters food and water while they wait in line, now goes to the desk of Republican Gov. Brian Kemp, who has not yet announced whether he will sign it.

That’s right: this law “makes it a crime to give voters food and water while they wait in line” to exercise their right to vote. It’s still early in the season, but it’s certainly an ambitious entry for this year’s pettiest voter suppression law!

Still, I can’t help but think perhaps these assholes haven’t quite thought this through. For instance, I wonder whether there’s a (pro-business!) loophole wherein it’s not a crime to sell voters food and water while they wait in line to vote. Or whether the state’s police forces are actually on board with assigning hundreds of officers to enforce this statute on election day, especially when relations between Georgia’s police forces and its minority citizens ain’t exactly copacetic.

I also wonder whether they remembered to grant to themselves and the police officers who enforce the law full immunity from criminal prosecution and civil suits, after some diabetic dies in line when their blood sugar crashes and no one can offer them anything sweet to bring it back up. Or when someone requires emergency medical attention due to severe dehydration.

Maybe I’m overthinking this and worrying for nothing. I mean, it’s not like people in Georgia ever have to wait in line for eleven hours to vote! (Oh wait.)

Now before you get to thinking this law is obviously racially motivated because – as we can all predict with a pretty high level of certainty – it will never be enforced in majority white voting districts, rest assured that this is not the case at all! This law, by constitutional standards, is “racially neutral.” You see, it simply cannot be enforced in majority white districts, because those districts don’t have lines. DUH! No racism to see here, people! Nope, none at all.

I wonder who will try to out-petty Georgia with their voter suppression laws next? I have a feeling it won’t be very long before we have another strong contender.

BREAKING: U.S. Army Coming Soon to a Street Near You! UPDATED.

Multiple notifications popped onto my screen yesterday announcing that the Loser-In-Chief had fired his defense secretary Mark Esper. I was working on something else (and also trying and failing miserably to observe a news blackout for personal reasons*) so I didn’t dig any deeper than the headlines.

But my mind kept on poking at me with a big stick and asking “Why?” “Why?” “Why?” For sure, the reason would be sad, funny, fascist, illegal, counterproductive, enraging, ridiculous or some combination of those. However, this morning as I looked over a few of these notifications before deleting them, our Liberal Media™ informed and enlightened me further only with something about Commander Cheetohead bashing Esper on Twitter. Which, okay, ticked A LOT of those boxes if not all of them but did nothing to shut up my shouty, stabby stick. And It’s not like I was going to click on actual links to read actual stories! I got shit to do, people.

Enter The New York Times to save the day! (Not really.) From this morning’s Times email briefing:

[Read more…]

NYPD Beat, Arrest Peaceful Protesters in Planned Assault.

[CONTENT NOTE: police violence against peaceful protesters, lying police liars who lie.]

A new report from Human Rights Watch documents the NYPD’s brutal assaults against peaceful George Floyd protesters at a June 4 rally in the Bronx (via New York Daily News):

NYPD trapped over 300 George Floyd protesters in the Bronx and waited until after curfew to ‘assault and arrest’ them: report

The NYPD trapped over 300 protesters in the Bronx marching for George Floyd and waited until the 8 p.m. citywide curfew to arrest them for breaking the law, a human rights group wrote in a scathing report released Wednesday.

Human Rights Watch said Bronx cops surrounded protesters on June 4 in a tactic known as kettling, refused to let them disperse, then began “whaling their batons, beating people from car tops, shoving them down to the ground and firing pepper spray in their faces” as soon as the curfew hit.

The 8 p.m. shutdown was imposed a few days earlier to stem widespread looting amid marches against the death of George Floyd, who died in Minneapolis police custody.

“As protesters cried out — some with blood dripping down their faces — the police began to arrest them. They forced people to sit on the street with their hands zip-tied behind their backs, at times so tight that their hands went numb,” said Human Rights Watch in their report.

[Human Rights Watch] said they questioned 81 protesters and reviewed 81 videos and police scanner calls for the report. They also released a 12-minute video filled with diagrams of the Mott Haven clash, interviews with witnesses and protesters, and cellphone videos taken at the scene.

Here is video from Human Rights Watch detailing the sequence of events on June 4.

CONTENT NOTE (from the filmmakers):

“This video contains violent and disturbing images and profanity. Viewer discretion is advised.”

[Read more…]

Trump only paid $750 in taxes in 2016 and 2017 – UPDATED.

Via New York Daily News:

Bombshell report shows Trump’s years of tax avoidance

President Trump paid just $750 in taxes in 2016 and the same sum in 2017, according to a bombshell New York Times report published Sunday.

He paid a big fat zero in income tax in 10 of the 15 previous years, the publication found.

Seems legit.

UPDATE.

From today’s New York Times email briefing:

[Read more…]