Don’t ever quit, Mooch.

White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci
(image: Yuri Gripas/Reuters)

So Ryan Lizza, a Big Willie reporter at The New Yorker, received a phone call Wednesday night from our fancy new White House Communications Director Anthony Scaramucci. Naturally Lizza wrote all about it, and it’s the funniest thing I’ve seen since…since…well, since yesterday’s news feed.

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This is funny, right?

I just received a “news” alert from our good friends at The Washington Post, and LOL’d.

Trump changes course and tells senators to stay in Washington to finish health-care bill

Hoping to avoid a humiliating political defeat, President Trump on Wednesday demanded that Republican senators resume their efforts to approve a plan to repeal and replace the Affordable Care Act, insisting that lawmakers are “very close.”

Umm, failing to repeal and/or replace the ACA is the very least of Trump’s “humiliating” political defeats. And I hate to be the one to break it to him (lol no I loooove it) but in the United States Senate, “very close” is NOT the same thing as “winning a majority of votes.”

“People should not leave town unless we have a health insurance plan, unless we give our people great health care,” Trump said at the beginning of a lunch with GOP senators at the White House. “We’re close, very close… We have to hammer this out and get it done.”

YES! We’re soooo close to everyone having the Greatest Health Care That Ever Health Cared! Let’s git ‘er done!!!

The president’s effort to resurrect negotiations came a day after he declared it was time to give up on the contentious process to overturn President Obama’s signature legislative achievement and “let Obamacare fail.”

*snort* *snort* *snicker* BWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

A day after giving up on it. Well I for one cannot wait to hear the president’s position on healthcare legislation tomorrow. Or perhaps Friday?

Ooh! Ooh! I hope it’s single payer!

BREAKING: I might be terrible.

Readers, I am more than a little disturbed at myself. You see, I have an affinity (<-hi Caine!) for some very dark humor, by which I mean the kind I feel terrible about for finding funny, because it is either rooted in harmful stereotypes, or taboo subjects, or punching down instead of up, that sort of thing. And yet! I still find myself laughing nonetheless.

This laughter, mind you, is inevitably followed by overwhelming feelings of shame, embarrassment and self-admonishment. That is NOT funny, Iris! I will exhort internally. Get a hold of yourself, woman! You should NOT be laughing at this!

Alas, as anyone who has ever commanded themselves to STOP THAT LAUGHING RIGHT NOW! can attest, this exercise is utterly, fatally doomed.

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