photo taken during 1/6 insurrection of Jeezus carrying his infamous
cross Trump flag in the U.S. Senate, while actor Steve Buscemi looms menacingly behind him. (via AP)
According to the Associated Press, the Christian deity will be the first to face sentencing for a felony today in connection with the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol. It also turns out that Jeezus hails from Florida BECAUSE OF COURSE HE DOES.
Further, in a development that has been suspiciously underreported, actor Steve Buscemi appears to be right there, insurrectin’ right along with Jeezus, as you can plainly see for yourself in the above image.
According to a recent filing in the case, federal prosecutors want Jeezus, who presently goes by the name “Paul Allard Hodgkins,” to serve 18 months in federal prison for a single count of obstructing an official proceeding, to which he has pled guilty. The maximum sentence is 20 years. It is obvious that Jeezus is receiving special treatment because of his deity status, in a country where 65% of adults claim to worship him as a god.
These criminally corrupt prosecutors actually said that Jeezus deserves “leniency for taking responsibility almost immediately and pleading guilty to the obstruction charge.” This is the kind of shit one expects to hear from defense attorneys. Jeezus was also accused of additional serious crimes, yet somehow was not indicted for them as others were.
Prosecutors are asking the sentencing judge for leniency despite these facts:
Video footage shows [Jeezus], 38, wearing a Trump 2020 T-shirt, the flag flung over his shoulder and eye goggles around his neck inside the Senate. He took a selfie with a self-described shaman in a horned helmet and other rioters on the dais behind him. [?!! So much for the much-touted “first commandment” I guess. You know: the one about no other gods before himself? –Ed.]
[Jeezus] boarded a bus in his hometown of Tampa bound for a Jan. 6 Trump rally carrying rope, protective goggles and latex gloves in a backpack…that demonstrated he came to Washington prepared for violence.
On the day, he walked through grounds already littered with smashed police barriers and broken windows, evening [sic] passing police officers and others injured as the crowd surged toward the Capitol…
“Time and time again, rather than turn around and retreat, [Jeezus] pressed forward,” the government filing said.
I am side-eying the fuck out of this. Prosecutors should be urging the judge to throw the proverbial (<–hahaha) book at him, if only to send a message to the 65% of U.S. adults who literally worship Jeezus that violent, traitorous insurrectionists will be dealt with swiftly and severely, and given the maximum punishment permitted by law – deity or no.
And that’s to say nothing of the curious silence surrounding Steve Buscemi’s involvement in this whole thing. I dearly hope some intrepid reporter, somewhere, is on the case.
UPDATE: While I was writing this post, Jeezus was sentenced to 8 months. EIGHT FREAKIN’ MONTHS! If this is not exactly the kind of travesty that makes a total mockery of our justice system, then nothing is.