It’s official: My all-time best friend and favourite politician ever Jason “I don’t get caught up in the details” Kenney has been elected as the leader of Alberta’s currently defunct Progressive Conservative party. Now, in case you need a refresher for what this might mean for Texas North, here’s a list of Jason Kenney’s votes and political positions in no particular order:

• Vowed to repeal every law passed by the NDP regardless of their merits–and yes, friends, that includes Bill 7, the law that made my existence legal, and Bill 10, the only thread queer rural kids can count on, which obligates all schools to accommodate a gay-straight alliance club if the students request one. NOTE: Bill 10 was actually engineered by the PCs but Kenney’s base isn’t in the habit of dealing with facts.
• Blamed “bohemian youths” for making communism look fashionable. During the national crisis that was the Fort McMurray wildfire. Priorities!
• Thinks human rights for queer and trans people should be “compromised” on.
• Used the information acquired from his federal tenure to mail out materials to his provincial campaign supporters–which is super illegal but for some reason nobody, including the police, seem to have noticed.
• Characterized the education curriculum overhaul’s inclusion of… you know… facts, as “social engineering.”
• Spent an entire summer still on the federal payroll during his provincial campaigning. Nothing says “bootstraps” like grifting taxpayers outside the province to pay for your campaign.
• Runs a charity dedicated to himself.
• Routinely shows up for interviews on shows about climate change denial.
• Has been endorsed by internet garbage fire and vicious failure of a human being Sheila Gunn Reid.
• Repeatedly voted to initiate forced birther proceedings and undermine reproductive choice.
• Defended theft of public funds, as long as the thieves are Christian.
• Hasn’t actually campaigned on any real policy positions, probably because he wants plausible deniability from his past (see everything else present here).
• Vowed to dismantle his own party (!) and merge it with the other right-wing party, the Dickweeds Wildrose.
• Vowed to repeal Bill 6 which introduced minimum safety standards in the agriculture industry, and ensured medical leave for farm hands. A law, by the way, which is now supported by the agriculture industry!
• Bussed in a bunch of Bible-belt kids to sign up for PC memberships so they could nominate him for leadership on the same day. Also illegal. Also not investigated.
• Engineered the niqab nontroversy in the last federal election in a bid to court racist and xenophobic voters.
• Engineered policies to deny healthcare to immigrants and refugees.
• Engineered the current iteration of the Temporary Foreign Worker Program, which is lose-lose for all the proletariat regardless of their skin tone. The only people who like it are the capitalists who can hire someone for sub-minimum wage.
• Thinks the Constitution was written by God.
• Thinks colleges are a conspiracy to overthrow Canada’s “Christian patrimony.”

And many, many more!

How many crimes can he commit before the police finally get off their arse? Who knows! Do any of the Albertan conservatives care that their messiah is an addled mess of corruption? Probably not! Will the PCs have a single rally without at least one jackass chanting “lock her up” referring to Premier Rachel Notley? I wouldn’t bet my boots on it!

Trump has officially come to Alberta.

-Shiv