Darwintine Festival: Natural Selection Part 2

Six Months Earlier 

“Dr. Gorman?”

Patricia sat back in her chair and tucked her auburn hair behind her ears.

“I have your itinerary for your trip to Chicago.” Patricia eagerly took the paperwork from her assistant.

“Well, this is it. After four long years, my time here is coming to an end. Can you believe it?” Her assistant looked at the floor. “Nope.”

Patricia looked around her small but cozy office. Hideous blue checkered wallpaper. Large wooden desk that’s heavy and worn. Piles and piles of logbooks. “I’m going to miss this place.”

“Me too,” her assistant responded softly. 

For the past four years Dr. Gorman had been studying the reproductive and migration habits of birds in Kandahar and Southern Afghanistan, something there was surprisingly little data on before. Her research was extensive and she developed the groundwork for local scientists to continue the studies. The local scientists were friendly, ambitious, and eager to get started. Simply put, Dr. Gorman’s work there was done.

Patricia placed a few personal items in her tote bag, said her farewells, and hugged her assistant. She took one last look around the office and turned out the light.

After two short days of packing and tying up loose ends, Patricia boarded a plane for the US.

The flight was long and Patricia was exhausted when she finally entered her apartment. “Looks just like I left it,” she murmured to herself. “Tomorrow the job search begins,” Patricia ordered take-out since her fridge was empty and headed off to bed just before 9 pm. 

The bright morning sun and rush hour traffic woke Dr. Gorman. She pulled out her fully charged laptop. After many years of research, Patricia wanted to focus on teaching. She was looking for a place to settle down. Tenure would be nice. Patricia updated her resume and emailed all her contacts. She was surprised when she got a quick reply from the Dean of Arts and Sciences at the University of Toronto. 

She was to meet with Dr. Emily Kimura in just a few days’ time to discuss a possible teaching position in the Biology Department. They needed some help covering undergrad ecology and evolution courses. 

That night Patricia packed. Her flight was in the morning. She decided to spend the week in Toronto. It’s been a while since she had visited the city and she deserved a fun little excursion.

 

“Dr. Gorman?” Emily asked sweetly with a brilliant toothy smile. It was something electric. Patricia froze a moment as this beautiful creature called out her name. She had untamed curly hair, piercing green eyes, and a pencil skirt that perfectly hugged her voluptuous hips.

“Uh yes, hello, please call me Patricia.” She caught her breath and smiled. Emily led Patricia down a brightly lit hallway to a small meeting room where the Dean, Dr. Coleman, was waiting. Dr. Coleman quickly jumped to his feet, smiled, and shook Patricia’s hand. “It’s so nice to meet you.”

The pleasantries ended quickly as Patricia dove right into describing her work experience and goals. The meeting lasted about an hour and she left feeling confident. 

As she packed up her stuff and began to exit the room, Emily lightly touched Patricia’s arm and asked her if she had plans for dinner. Patricia smiled. “No, no plans. You?” Emily asked if she would like to go to Luigi’s, a little hole-in-the-wall Italian place a couple of blocks away. “Yes! I would love to!” Patricia quickly felt embarrassed by her eagerness. 

Luigi’s was small, dark, and romantic. You could smell the restaurant half a block away and it smelled wonderful. Emily was waiting by the front door and waved excitedly when she saw Patricia. The two sat down and talked about their work and university studies. 

“I was in your interview and heard all about the amazing work you had been doing in Afghanistan, but what about your internship with the climate scientist? You didn’t say much about that,” Emily said.

“Oh, it was really interesting. I spent six months studying polar bears in Canada. I’m sure you know with climate change their habitat is in great danger,” Patricia answered nervously. She remembered how demanding and intimidating Big Thinker was. 

Emily smiled that brilliant toothy smile, reached across the table, and put her hand on Patricia’s arm. “I’d love to show you around town this week.” Patricia smiled and froze. “What do you think?” insisted Emily. 

“I would love that,” Patricia responded.

The rest of the week was magic. Patricia really enjoyed Emily’s company. She was fun and her energy was contagious.

The night before Patricia was to leave and go back to Chicago, there was a knock at the door of her hotel room. It was Emily. Patricia knew why she was there. She felt it, too.

Patricia reached up and brushed back Emily’s wild curls then cradled her face in her hands. The two kissed passionately. Patricia’s hands dropped to Emily’s waist. She pulled her close and Emily inhaled sharply. Her skin was so soft.

Emily spent the night at the hotel with Patricia, and as amazing as it was, nothing could prevent the morning from coming and Patricia going back to Chicago. 

Toronto was fun, but Patricia did not respond to Emily’s calls and texts once returning to Chicago. It was a fling and nothing else. Patricia did not get the job. Now she really had to focus on finding work and did not need any distractions.

“There’s always the Orange Corporation,” thought Patricia. “I really enjoyed my internship with the polar bears despite my boss.” She sent an email with an attached resume to BT. She might be a good fit for some of his newer projects. “I hope he remembers me,” thought Dr. Gorman.

 

Six Months Later

The science team sat stunned.

“One of them is heading toward us?!” Patricia panicked. She wasn’t alone. Fear spread through the room and the next logical thought was security. 

“What kind of protection do we have?” Dr. Stokes asked. “Are there weapons for all of us?”

Emily tried to calm the team down but really she didn’t know any more information than they did. 

“Let’s collect as much data as we can. We can analyze the video and listen to the audio file again. Who here speaks French?” The team began to work but there was so little information.

After a couple of frustrating hours, the wary scientists were shown to their living quarters — rustic but acceptable. They had a chance to catch their breath and get their wits about them, but they were all tired from their travels. Patricia began to unpack with shaky hands when gunshots rang out across the camp. Her stomach dropped to her feet. She didn’t know what to do. Do you stay in the cabin hoping to be safe inside or do you go out and see what the commotion is? She chose to go out. What if someone needed help?

Security personnel were scrambling to the east perimeter of the camp. More gunshots.

Just then, Patricia saw Paul run past. “Paul!” she shouted.

“Go back to your cabin and lock the door!” he instructed and kept running. 

Patricia did as she was told and the other scientists followed.

Suddenly the gunshots stopped and there was a lot of yelling. Patricia swore she heard some French.

 

Part 1 is at The Bolingbrook Babbler
Part 2 is at From the Ashes of Faith
Part 3
 is at Death to Squirrels
Part 4 will be at Impossible Me
Part 5 will be at Pharyngula
Part 6 will be at Pervert Justice

Housewife (Pandemic Poetry)

Housewife

 

Are you thinking of me?
Is there a slim chance
you took a peek, too?
Hasty search —
I saw you smile
and you didn’t even know it.
Your existence is a mystery
that my life yearns for.
I want to be a fly
on your faraway wall.
I want to escape
the outside forces
and selfishly indulge
in matters only of the flesh.
For once, I’m not a mom or a wife —
just a woman
wanting something new, carnal.
This lonely housewife
longs to be touched by a stranger.
I don’t want to lose what I have —
just a brief taste
of something different,
forbidden.
My whole world is in this little house
but in my mind, I rule a kingdom.
I close my eyes
and have a secret encounter
but when I open them
my life remains intact.
You’re my passionate escape —
anytime, anywhere —
that keeps this queen moving forward
and you’ll never know it.
A little excitement
in this all-too-ordinary life.

Recovery is Not All Butterflies and Rainbows

I am currently writing a book about being an atheist with a mental illness. I think I’ve mentioned it a couple of times on here. I am living with schizoaffective disorder and an eating disorder and with this book, I not only want to give an atheist perspective on mental health but also give a very realistic view of recovery.

Let me start with the good. After struggling for years with the mood and psychotic symptoms of schizoaffective disorder, I am able to live a fulfilling and relatively normal life. I work and I have a family. I get to do the things I love to do and I’m proud of how far I’ve come. I love being able to write about my success living with such a stigmatized and debilitating illness and I hope I can bring others hope.

But here’s where I get to the realistic view of recovery. While my life might seem pretty good and from the outside, I look pretty stable right now, I’ve actually been struggling with my eating disorder for the past few months. I’m mentally exhausted and physically sick. 

Two days ago I hit a breaking point and I’m ready to get help. I’ve been through treatment before with my eating disorder so I know a little bit about what to expect. Yesterday I started meal planning and I will contact my old counselor on Monday. I’m already feeling a little better — or at least see a light at the end of the tunnel.

It’s times like these that remind me to keep my writing honest and raw. Recovery is hard work — and while it is absolutely worth it — the journey is not all butterflies and rainbows. I’m not going to pretend it is and I’m not going to hold back. 

Most of the time I feel well so I know that even though I’m in a funk right now, there will be brighter days ahead. I’m nearing the end of my project and I hope my readers will feel the struggle as well as the triumph. 

Another poem from my upcoming book! :)

Grounded

Ivory giggles and pink powder secrets
power an endless charade.
Let it all hang out
between the pews.
Just once
let the cold stares
see your delicate pearl.
Let lace and tumbleweed
caress your bare skin.
Let your fellow parishioners
blush with envy.
Let reality swallow you whole,
and you’ll realize
you don’t need to look to the skies—
satisfaction is found right here on the ground

 

My poetry book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, will be released on February 2nd and my launch party will be that night! Here is the Facebook event. I will read some poems and there will be a Q & A. The event begins at 7:30 pm EST.

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

 

Come to My Launch Party!! 2/2/21 @ 7:30 pm EST

My poetry book, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, will be released on February 2nd and my launch party will be that night! Here is the Facebook event. I will read some poems and there will be a Q & A. The event begins at 7:30 pm EST.

My poetry book gives an atheist perspective on being a Midwest Mom. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.

 

Promoting My Book and Getting to Know the Atheist Community

I had a lot of fun hanging out with Kansas City Oasis a couple weeks ago. Their group blew me away! I had no idea that there were active communities like theirs out there! I hope to hang out with them again sometime.

Later this month I will be speaking to Offutt Humanists and the Omaha Metro Area Humanists Association. I’m excited to meet them!

In February, I will have my launch party with my publisher and I will be speaking at Nottingham Secular Society’s Darwin Lecture.

It’s been great seeing what’s out there beyond Toledo’s city limits in hopes of building a stronger atheist community here. This has been quite an adventure!

If anyone has a group that’s curious about atheist poetry, please contact me! I would love to meet with you and read from my book!

(If you’re curious, my poetry book is called, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, and will be released 2/2/21. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.)

“Soul Searching” – What’s Your Story?

This is a poem from my upcoming book:

 

How do you sleep?

Indigo rain cleansing my brain
after a restless night of “soul searching”.
Relief comes when you realize god isn’t real
and you’re released from your rusty chains.

An outlook of debilitating winter
melts and sizzles into freedom.
Like fresh linen under the morning sun —
I put my heart out on the line and won.

I’m the shy queen of my ruby paradise
which resides right here on earth.
I no longer yearn for a flimsy mystery in the clouds.
Breathe deep into the truth and sleep peacefully.

 

What was your “soul searching” like? How many religions/spiritual beliefs did you go through before concluding god isn’t real?

I went to church with friends for a short time when I was younger. I just didn’t get it. I couldn’t see what everybody else saw and everything seemed ridiculous. Then as a teen, I dabbled in Wicca. With a foundation in nature it made a teeny bit more sense than Christianity, but not much. I remember feeling a lot of confusion growing up. Then at 21, I declared I was an atheist and things were simple and clear.

So what’s your story? Did you try out other religions?

 

(If you’re curious, my poetry book is called, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, and will be released 2/2/21. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.)

Do I Sit Quietly or Fight — Confessions of a Black Swamp Atheist

Do I sit quietly or fight? I feel this is a question that’s been floating around in my brain for my whole life.

I grew up in the rural Midwest, and although my own family wasn’t very religious, I was completely surrounded by Christianity in our community. I didn’t consider myself an atheist growing up, but I sure as hell wasn’t a Christian like my neighbors and friends. I was a skeptic even as a kid and Christianity was the biggest, most annoying thorn in my side. I didn’t know what brainwashing meant back then, but I knew Bible stories were pretty ridiculous and I just couldn’t understand how anyone could believe them. There was obviously something wrong with me. At the time it felt like there was no escape and I would be looked down upon forever.

I went to public school and my education should have felt like a sanctuary, but people from where I’m from know that public school doesn’t mean secular. Religious posters donned the walls of many of our classrooms and many of our school functions began or ended with a prayer — the most visible being our football games. 

This brings me to one of the proudest moments of my high school career. I was a senior and didn’t give a fuck. I knew I was getting the hell out of town when I left for college and the entire year my dad kept pleading with me, “just graduate!” I was in the marching band and decided to walk out of the stadium during the last prayer of the game. I was the beaming recipient of an after-school detention. I don’t really remember my parents saying anything to me about it. I probably just got another “just graduate!”

Like many wayward teenagers, I dabbled a bit in Wicca. The school guidance counselor called me to her office and questioned me when I came to school wearing a necklace with a pentagram on it. She said she just wanted to make sure I wasn’t going to hurt anybody. Another trouble-making friend of mine got a Book of Shadows taken away from her at school.

I was a lot more vocal when I was younger.

Fast forward to now and I’m living in Toledo, Ohio — about forty miles from where I grew up — with a family of my own. I have many years of solid atheism under my belt but the stakes are higher now. I’m scared to speak out. I have a daughter and I have to think about my job. If I live openly as an atheist things could be a lot harder. Even though I grew up in the country and Toledo is a city, it’s still pretty conservative here. Ridicule and discrimination are real possibilities if I speak out against religion or reveal that I’m an atheist.

So, that question comes up again — do I sit quietly or fight? 

Next month my poetry book will be released — it’s all about being an atheist mom in the Midwest. Having a book published feels like a pretty public admission of atheism, and I’ve decided if people around here find out about the book, I’ll let the chips fall where they may. Maybe I won’t be shouting from the rooftops of Toledo that I reject religion, but if it comes up — no more hiding. I’m an atheist.

(If you’re curious, my poetry book is called, Free to Roam: Poems from a Heathen Mommy, and will be released 2/2/21. It is for sale on my publisher’s site freethoughthouse.com, Barnes & Noble, and Amazon.)