Sunday Facepalm: Jesus, Lady.

Rita Warren sets up her Jesus mannequin on the House side of the U.S. Capitol building on Thursday. (Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call).

Rita Warren sets up her Jesus mannequin on the House side of the U.S. Capitol building on Thursday. (Bill Clark/CQ Roll Call).

Capitol Hill’s staple religious activist known as “Jesus Lady” returned to her old stomping grounds Thursday, one month after she said she suffered a heart attack.

After hauling her signature life-size statue of the messiah, Rita Warren, a career protester in her late 80s, said she planned to air grievances to Capitol Police because they won’t let her drive onto the Hill’s plaza anymore.

A spokeswoman for Capitol Police said no meeting took place.

The new rule left her having to carry the cast figure from the barricade — a task made more arduous by her health problems.

Still, Warren vowed to press on in her divine fight to remind lawmakers of God. Warren is known for taking lawmakers to task from the East Front steps. She once challenged former Speaker John A. Boehner, via open letter, demanding the Ohio Republican once and for all address her plan to have actor Robert Powell recite the Sermon on the Mount scene from “Jesus of Nazareth” for lawmakers.

Her requests to meet with current Speaker Paul D. Ryan have so far been unanswered, she said.

Via Roll Call.

No Wands for the Harry Potterfied Muggles.

Richard Carter of Mystical Moments who sells magic wands in Huddersfield but has banned Harry Potter fans Credit: Ben Lack Photography Ltd.

Richard Carter of Mystical Moments who sells magic wands in Huddersfield but has banned Harry Potter fans Credit: Ben Lack Photography Ltd.

Okay…might want to pad your desk or start some eyeroll protection here.

A shop which makes magic wands for real life witches and wizards has been blasted by Harry Potter fans for refusing to serve them. The business, called Mystical Moments, is making a name for itself in the wizarding world by supplying wands to cast healing spells and charms for good luck.

But wand-maker Richard Carter says he is selling “spiritual tools” – not toys for young Muggles – and he is barring Hogwarts fans. The wands can be used to draw protective circles to ward off dark forces while owners meditate, bring them money, and help them find love. They can also be used to cure aches and pains and stress, speed a sick relative’s recovery or wish for happiness, courage or physical strength.

Local mystic Mr Carter, 57, spends whole days standing at his lathe in a trance lovingly crafting each wand and anointing them with oil. He says he does not know one end of a lathe from another and works while controlled by the spirits in his shop in Slaithwaite village, near Huddersfield.

He says all you need is faith in the product for it to work wonders – literally.

Riiiight. I’ve been around lathes. You definitely need to know one end from another, because if you don’t, that’s a good way to lose bits of your body you just might be fond of, and I doubt any spirit is overly concerned about that particular problem. Lathes aren’t exactly the cheapest tool around, either, but Mr. Carter just happens to have a tool he can’t use at all in his shop.

[…] In the few months the shop has been open, sandwiched between a church charity shop and shabby chic store on the village’s high street, it has attracted sorcerers from all over the country. But Richard says he only wants to attract true believers in magic and can detect Hogwarts fans wanting his wands for their collections of memorabilia by their aura. He said: “JK Rowling has obviously done her research but Harry Potter is for children. It has done nothing for business.

“You wouldn’t believe how many real witches and wizards there are knocking about. You would be amazed. They know they can come here in reveal themselves without people thinking they’re mental. “I don’t have customers who have been Harry Potterfied. If I had someone come in wanting a wand just because they liked Harry Potter I would not sell them one, not matter how much money they were offering.

“I can tell what people are like when they walk in by their aura.” He would also spot dark wizards and witches the same way and will not sell wands to those wanting to hex other people or perform curses.

Oooh, are they Death Eaters, maybe?

Former textile worker Mr Carter, opened the shop in April with partner and fellow spiritualist Jackie Restall, 43. He claims he does not make a penny out the wants, costing £15 to £25, which he uses to spread the spiritual message.

Different types of wood give each wand different magical properties – oak for strength and courage, yew for those seeking immortality and rebirth, sweet chestnut for love and healing, elm for balance and calm, sycamore for boosting feminine intuition, and mahogany for spiritual growth.

He says: “I have no training in woodwork. I use spiritual guidance and don’t know how any of the wands will turn out. All you need for them to work is faith.”

Jackie said: “Personally, I’m a big Harry Potter fan but I’m afraid it is just about escapism so I respect Richard’s views.”

Zak Cohen, 20, President of York University Potter fan club, the HP Muggle Society, said: “I don’t know what our members will make of this. “My personal view is it’s a bit weird to say the least. I can understand they don’t want it treated as a joke. “But I did not think it was allowed for a shop to say they won’t sell things to a specific group of people. “If they sold to Harry Potter fans, rather than just equipping real witches and wizards, they would sell loads more wands and we wouldn’t treat them like toys.”

GP Taylor, the former Yorkshire vicar turned fantasy author, said: “Magic wands do work by being a focus for your inner desires and powers. “But I think this is terrible. Harry Potter fans should be served. They are going crazy over the Cursed Child and need their wands. It is discrimination against Potter fans. They should go to court for justice.”

The full story is here.

The Ministry of Silly Walks.

One of the zebra crossing signs in Haparanda. Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi

One of the zebra crossing signs in Haparanda. Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi.

The Ministry of Silly Walks is alive and well in Haparanda, Sweden. I think these signs are very cheerful, fun, and uplifting.

Close to Sweden’s border with Finland, Haparanda has brought a smile to local faces with these new road signs that are shaking up the town centre by urging pedestrians to jump, dance or play the guitar while crossing the street.

The Local got in touch with Terese Östling, who is in charge of “Remake the City”, a project launched in 2012 to revamp the heart of the historic parts of the town, to ask why.

She said the idea for the new signs came from Jytte Rüdiger, the local authority’s chief of culture.

“She (Rüdiger) picked up on the fact that people in Haparanda had lots of ideas for development in the ‘old’ parts of town. Many cities in Sweden struggle with dying inner parts as new, big shopping centres pop up outside of town, attracting visitors and locals out of the town centre. Business, attractiveness and inner city life suffers as a result,” she explained. […] But perhaps unsurprisingly, the signs have sparked the most reaction, with a report by national broadcaster SVT trending on social media on Monday.

How to cross the street while carrying a guitar. Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi.

How to cross the street while carrying a guitar. Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi.

The ideas for the various designs – which include a zebra crossing sign of a man doing a version of Monty Python comedian John Cleese’s famous silly walks – were thought up by local residents.

“The result has been overwhelming! Every day I go into town, I see people taking pictures of the signs and other new attractions, enjoying the new vitality of a once tired and shabby inner city. Haparanda is on its way back,” said Östling.

When asked if she had actually seen anyone give a quick boogie while crossing the street, she said: “I have seen it, but I can’t prove it with a picture sadly.”

Want to dance across the street in Haparanda? Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi.

Want to dance across the street in Haparanda? Photo: Stefan Haapaniemi.

Full story at The Local SE.

Bro Yoga.

Michael DeCorte, centres, adopts an upward dog pose alongside Salmaan Sayeed, left, and Howie Track at Toronto's Moksha Yoga studio. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)

Michael DeCorte, centres, adopts an upward dog pose alongside Salmaan Sayeed, left, and Howie Track at Toronto’s Moksha Yoga studio. (Chris Young/The Canadian Press)

Bro-yoga. Broga. Jock yoga. Jo-yoga. Yep, gotta dress it up all stupid and toxic macho, that way it just does the best for da dudes. And, they won’t be distracted by women in lycra.

“Yoga is more than just women contorting themselves into vegan pretzels,” says Michael DeCorte, the Toronto “man-treprenuer” behind Jock Yoga, an athletic mashup that combines the mindfulness of sun salutations with the muscle burn of pumping iron.

Right, women doing yoga isn’t yoga at all, it’s just women being all frilly and silly. It doesn’t have any benefits at all, no. Well, not until the carnivorous, beer swilling men get into it. Then it’s good. (There’s beer after class.)

“Originally, it was just a gimmick,” says DeCorte. “When I first saw it on a poster, it was almost like an oxymoron … You see yoga and think, ‘spiritual,’ and jock you think, ‘laid-back, swearing, burping.”‘

You know, all my life, ‘jock’ has applied to athletes. I had no idea there was a complete shift to “laid back, swearing, and burping”. I have no idea of how much these people are charging for the special homosocial yoga, but I expect a regular yoga class might be cheaper, and just exercising around women won’t have any deleterious effects. You can go and read the full silliness here.

Welcome to The Power Games!

A moment later, Stephen Colbert brightened and stared out at the assembled masses at the RNC. After quickly apologizing because he “blacked out,” he said “it is my honor to hereby launch and begin the 2016 Republican National Hungry for Power Games!”

However, security appeared to intervene, and as Stephen Colbert was escorted from the RNC stage, he yelled, “Look, I know I’m not supposed to be up here, but to be honest, neither is Donald Trump.”

Via The Inquisitr.

Get Undressed and Work!

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Hat tip to rq for this one.

President Aleksandr Lukashenko said at the latest ‘all-Belarusian peoples gathering’ in June: “You know what to do, how to do it, and what goals to achieve. Everything is simple. Innovations, IT technology, privatizations, etc. – it’s all clear, we’ve done it.

“But all our life is in simple things: we should get [undressed] and work”.

In all probability, the president meant “Develop and work,” as the words sound very similar, ‘razviVAtsa’ and ‘razDEvatsa’, but who cares now?

This somewhat confusing comment led to the Belorussian equivalent of the hashtag #getnakedandgotowork trending in the country, and people did just that.

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Most comments went along the lines: “The leader says, we should.” We must say the Belorussian people do look good!

Via Delfi and RT.

Jesus, Marx, Brian Blessed, Jim Morrison.

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It has been spotted in the most unusual of places… on pieces of toast, bits of plasterwork and even patches of mould.

So perhaps it is not all that surprising that the face of Jesus has now been identified on a beach pebble.

The stone was spotted on Cromer beach, close to the pier, by a local resident.

The woman, who wants to remain anonymous, picked up the stone after the extreme whiteness on the other side caught her eye.

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It was her boyfriend who suggested the image looked like Christ, although bearded characters have also been suggested.

Some, for instance, have detected a likeness with Karl Marx, the Communist thinker, and larger-than-life actor Brian Blessed.

Jim Morrison, the late lead singer with The Doors, has also been suggested. Others claim to have seen the face within the profile of a bear’s head.

Full story here. I continue to be baffled as to how this sort of thing becomes news.

Conjuring Christian Horror.

(Photo: Grace Hill Media) “The Conjuring 2,” brings to the screen another real case from the files of renowned demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren, June 2016.

(Photo: Grace Hill Media)
“The Conjuring 2,” brings to the screen another real case from the files of renowned demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren, June 2016.

Case files of renowned demonologists! Okay, I had never heard of these people, but I do live under a rock. I really do dislike this insistent message of fear that is all things Christianity. This sort of thing does no one good; there’s enough in the world to be concerned about without creating and reinforcing a constant culture of fear.

“The Conjuring 2” is written by Christian screenwriters Chad and Carey Hills, and in their new horror film they hope to spread the message that God will conquer evil.

New Line Cinema’s supernatural thriller “The Conjuring 2,” directed by James Wan (“Furious 7”), brings to the silver screen another real case of the paranormal from the files of renowned demonologists Ed and Lorraine Warren, who use their faith to drive out demons. The hair-raising thriller will hit theaters June 10.

[…]

Although a straight horror film, the writers of “The Conjuring 2” want people to see that evil exists in the form of demons as written in scripture, but God will always triumph over them. The film also tackles spiritual warfare, prayer and faith in God.

[…]

CP: What advice does the movie offer to help people have faith in God?

Hills: Have faith in God, because he’s the winner. Through Him, evil is banished, a young girl is saved, and a family is brought back together. Without the Warrens and their faith, none of that would have happened, and this film is just one of millions of examples.

[…]

CP: There’s a quote in the movie that says, “God will be there for all who need.” Where did this principle come from, and what can you tell skeptics who do not believe that?

Hills: It’s something that we just believe in, and have had eyewitness accounts of that being truthful. Some may not see it as that, as they think what they need is one thing, and don’t see what God has provided them. We would encourage the skeptics to open their hearts and minds, and take a step back, and really look at their lives, and track the good as well as the bad. They may just be surprised at the outcome.

The Full Horror is Here.

Oh lord.

Scott Adams. Wikipedia Commons.

Scott Adams. Wikipedia Commons.

I’m, uh, short on words here. I’m sure Mr. Adams feels he is relevant, and other people must feel that way too, but relevant to political discourse? I was unaware that he mattered when it came to politics. Except as a voter, of course. I don’t know if this clever, assholism, or possibly a mental issue of some sort.

…“This past week we saw Clinton pair the idea of President Trump with nuclear disaster, racism, Hitler, the Holocaust, and whatever else makes you tremble in fear,” Adams wrote on his personal blog.

Adams, who last week said he realized Donald Trump was no “crazy clown” but was actually a master of persuasion, said Clinton’s new line of attack would personally, specifically and certainly imperil him in a racist eruption against white people.

“The only downside I can see to the new approach is that it is likely to trigger a race war in the United States,” Adams said. “And I would be a top-ten assassination target in that scenario because once you define Trump as Hitler, you also give citizens moral permission to kill him. And obviously it would be okay to kill anyone who actively supports a genocidal dictator, including anyone who wrote about his persuasion skills in positive terms.”

[…]

“So I’ve decided to endorse Hillary Clinton for President, for my personal safety,” Adams said. “Trump supporters don’t have any bad feelings about patriotic Americans such as myself, so I’ll be safe from that crowd. But Clinton supporters have convinced me – and here I am being 100% serious – that my safety is at risk if I am seen as supportive of Trump. So I’m taking the safe way out and endorsing Hillary Clinton for president.”

Via Raw Story.