Given the compleat mess of conservachristians in recent political theatre, all the “prophets” are falling back on their old standby, Trump the Saviour. Today we have Sundar Selvaraj, Jim Bakker, and Mark Taylor.

Slevaraj said that Trump “will sit in sackcloth and ashes” and lead America in repentance “because he is God’s man to stand in the gap for this nation.”

Okay, can anyone picture the Tiny Tyrant in a hair-shirt tunic thoroughly dusted with ash? Perhaps if it was a designer hair-shirt (the softest of hair) with the ashes of his enemies! (The Tiny Tyrant sitting in the ashen fallout of nukes doesn’t count.)

“God has chosen him to stand as like the king of the nation,” he said.

Oooh, King. Has anyone told the Tiny Tyrant yet? He can start planning his crowning ceremony, and lie about the crowds all over again! He can start a war with Britain in an attempt to claim the crown jewels or something.

“And because of his God-fearingness, he becomes now a doorway for God and the angels to come through into this nation for one purpose: to cleanse this nation of all the filth, of all that mess, so that God can pour out His spirit, His Last Days powers of the age to come, upon this nation so that this nation will once again become a God nation.”

So…basically, the Tiny Tyrant will be a sewer for all the godwater? How apt. One thing, are you going with the last days shtick or no? Hard to tell.

Later in the broadcast, Bakker ranted that “we have a hunting program going on to destroy the president of the United States and no one is stopping it! The very person God has given to our nation to save our country is being hunted to be destroyed.”

Given all the gunnuts in this country, I’m sure any hunting program would be advertised half to death. The NRA would be all over it. You mean the investigations, Jim? That’s not a hunting program, it’s an investigation, because your saviour is fucking criminal.

Moving on to Mark “I am too a prophet!” Taylor:

For his part, Taylor proclaimed that God will “clean out the news media” and raise up millionaires and billionaires who will create new media outlets that will “be captivated” by Trump and finally restore truth to this nation, which will result in Trump’s overwhelming re-election.

Lighten up on ass kissing, Mr. Taylor. Millionaires and billionaires don’t need to be ‘raised up’. I’d say media is already over-captivated with the Tiny Tyrant. Many of us are sick to death of seeing that face plastered everywhere, every day. Oh, the truth. I think we can all live without your very Nineteen Eighty-Four version of the truth.

“The army of God will have victory after victory after victory,” Taylor said, which means that Trump’s second term is guaranteed. “When people see the good that the country is coming in to right now—the prosperity, the jobs, the economy, whatever the case may be—there is going to be no doubt he is going to sail right in for a second term.”

The army of god? Okay, are they going to be outfitted in hair-shirts and ashes? Was Moore’s recent loss an example of the victory after victory after victory business? I can live with that kind of victory. Whatever the case may be is about right. Everything and everyone is getting fucked right into the ground, Mr. Taylor, and it’s starting to dawn on even the most idiotic who has brought all this about. I don’t think Holy Hair-Shirt Donny is going to get yet another chance to continue destroying all good things.

Via RWW, there’s video for both: Sundar Selvaraj, Mark Taylor.