“I sat under the glory spout and it just was coming out all day long on me.”

Rick Wiles.

Rick Wiles.

Rick Wiles has been orgasmic over Trump, and that psychopathic god of his, ecstatically going on about ooze and glory spouts. It’s kinda disturbing. I don’t care what Wiles does in private, but I don’t need to hear about it, either. In this latest outing, Wiles is comparing Trump to Samson, which I find quite amusing, because El Shaddai didn’t do well by Samson.

“Friends, listen to me,” he said. “God’s favor is on us. Please, please, please comprehend what is happening. It’s more than a political revolution. This is a spiritual revolution. God’s favor is shining on us. I can’t get out of my mind what Mario Murillo said Monday, ‘Grace is oozing out of Heaven.’ It’s just oozing towards us right now. I’m basking in it. I’m rolling around in it. I’m enjoying it.”

That’s nice. I’ll stay ooze free if you don’t mind.

I keep getting this picture that Donald Trump is like this Samson, who has been raised up by God to fight the Philistines and all the Philistines have now turned their attention away from the church, turned their attention away from attacking Christianity, and all of the Philistines are running to Washington to attack Samson. But Samson is strong enough for them. He’s been called. He’s been equipped for this battle. That is his job. That is his assignment. He’s going to beat them down. They will not be able to overtake him. He’s Samson. He was designed by God. He was created for this hour to fight these Philistines.

The story of Samson is an interesting one. Warped, seriously fucked up, but interesting. Once again, I highly recommend Drunk With Blood: God’s Killings in the Bible, by Steve Wells. If you don’t have the book, but would like the insightful commentary, head over to SAB, and note the commentary on the right side. Samson wasn’t a terribly smart guy, and you couldn’t give him any points at all for astuteness, even though his mum was knocked up by an angel while her husband was gone. Tsk. Samson is wandering about one day, sees a Philistine woman he likes the look of, and demands his parents procure her. They do, he’s pleased. Apparently at some point, they marry, there’s a week long party, an inexplicable riddle, Samson gets pissed, kills 30 people and steals their clothes so he doesn’t have to pay his buddies, then gives his wife to a companion and leaves. Some hero.

Then there’s a raft of super-nonsense. Samson decides he wants to go back and have sex with his wife (the one he gave away). Now the story is that her father gave her to someone else (women rarely have names in the bible), and offers her younger sister to Samson. He doesn’t want the sister, so he has a cunning plan to get sex with his wife: he’s gonna set the Philistines grain fields on fire. This wouldn’t be a problem for most people. Samson figures the best way to do this is to catch 300 foxes, tie their tails together, light them on fire, and set them loose in the grain fields. Genius! How in the fuck can people not be embarrassed by this shit? Anyway, the cunning plan didn’t work, Samson’s wife and father were burned to death by the pissed off Philistines. Golly, there’s just so much love and light in this How To Be A Psychopath book. Samson then slaughtered a bunch of Philistines. Then that glory spout thing happened, y’know, the spirit of the lord came upon him, and he grabbed that conveniently placed jawbone of an ass and killed 1,000 men. Yeah. As Steve Wells notes, it’s easier to believe stories like this if you don’t know they exist.

Then Samson goes to Gaza, has sex with a prostitute, ripped out the doors and gate posts of the city, carried them up a hill, and fell in love with Delilah. Delilah was paid to find out the magical source of Samson’s strength, y’know, find his wand or whatever. There’s a long, idiotic story about these attempts. Delilah finally gets it right, and cuts his hair. The Philistines nab Samson and gouge out his eyes. They also chained him up, and put him in a prison house. Then someone gets the bright idea to bring Samson out to entertain them. Naturally, Samson prayed to El Shaddai:

Now the house was full of…about three thousand men and women…And Samson called unto the LORD, and said, O Lord God…strengthen me…that I may be at once avenged of the Philistines for my two eyes…and he house fell upon the lords, and upon all the people that were therein. So the dead which he slew at this death were more than they which he slew in his life. Judges 16.27-30.

As Steve Wells notes, this was the first suicide terrorist act. It resulted in the deaths of 3,000 civilian men and women. God approved it, and gave Samson the strength to do it. Why in the hell christians still parade this idiotic story around, I don’t know. Samson was something of a dumbfuck, mostly interested in sex and getting out of paying his bets. He was a murderer and a thief. He wasn’t too kind to animals, either. Point being, there was no reason at all to hold him above the Philistines, who couldn’t really be any worse; at best they were pretty much the same. El Shaddai didn’t love Samson enough to enhance his thinking ability, or to magically give him his eyes back, or find a way for Samson to avenge himself without having to commit suicide. Somehow this awful story never manages to make the point that the situation Samson found himself in was his own doing. It has always baffled me that christians are so damn impressed with this story. It’s awful, and just one more story highlighting the fact that Jehovah is a bloodthirsty, stupid, psychopath.

If Trump is Samson of a latter day…yeah. Maybe the folks in charge of the Doomsday Clock should shave off that 30 seconds.

Wiles added that God is also blessing his radio ministry and that God’s glory has been flowing: “I didn’t get home until after 8 last night and I had some visitors in the house, they were waiting and everybody had already finished dinner and I came in and I was floating, I just said, ‘I’ve been sitting under the glory spout all day.’ That’s what I felt like. I sat under the glory spout and it just was coming out all day long on me.”

Eeuuw. If you happen to be one of those people blessing Wiles’s ministry, I beg of you, please, think. Give me five fucking minutes: think.

Via RRW.


  1. brucegee1962 says

    Christian bible-study groups like to have sessions like “Strong women of the Bible,” and I always thought they ought to add Delilah to the list. That woman was crazy brave.

    “Our people are getting wiped out by this murderous genocidal invulnerable superhero. You’re the last hope for your people — seduce him and try to find his weakness. Otherwise, we’re all doomed.” And she goes back keeps trying, not once but three times, when anyone with even sub-average intelligence could have figured out that she was spilling the beans. Someone ought to put up a statue to her.

  2. sonofrojblake says

    It has always baffled me that christians are so damn impressed with this story

    I was impressed with it as a child -- Samson was essentially portrayed as a real-life superhero. And of course there’s the Cecil B. DeMille movie from 1949, notable for starring Hedy Lamarr and Victor Mature in that order (i.e. a woman got top billing*). That made a big impression too. As long as you stick to children’s versions and assiduously avoid ever reading the source material, it’s good stuff. And most Christians I know have a child’s understanding of their book.

    *And what a woman. A primarily self-taught inventor who designed a jam-proof frequency-hopping radio guidance system for torpedoes in the war, principles still used today in Wifi and Bluetooth technology.

  3. says

    Bruce @ 1:

    Someone ought to put up a statue to her.

    I agree.


    I was impressed with it as a child – Samson was essentially portrayed as a real-life superhero.

    Yes, in movies and childish versions, he’s portrayed exactly the same as Hercules, except for that nasty ending.

  4. johnson catman says

    I sat under the glory spout and it just was coming out all day long on me.

    For a group of people that hate gay men so much, christians sure use a lot of language and imagery that evoke visions of gay sex.

  5. busterggi says

    Samson’s strength was in his hair, don’t think that’s strength in the Donald’s hair.

  6. says


    don’t think that’s strength in the Donald’s hair.

    Think of it this way: at least no one would have to volunteer to be a Delilah, someone just has to walk behind him and grab the hair.

  7. emergence says

    Caine @3

    Wasn’t Hercules kind of a douche too? I think the Disney movie may have skewed our perception of the character.

  8. says


    Wasn’t Hercules kind of a douche too?

    Yes, he was. If you’re going to do a comparison though, at least Hercules had something of a reason, being constantly tormented by a jealous Hera and a henpecked Zeus. He wasn’t nearly as stupid, either. Of course, not many of the Greek and later Roman pantheon were what you could call virtuous, Zeus couldn’t seem to stop raping, frinst. That’s the problem with gods of all stripes, they embody our worst qualities, as well as the odd good one.

  9. blf says

    Wasn’t Hercules kind of a douche too?

    Yes, the Greek original, Heracles, was, at least by modern standards. For instance, he murdered the children he had with Megara; he also made all the daughters of the Thespius king pregnant. I assume the later Roman version, Hercules, was even worse (again, by modern standards), but must admit Roman mythology has never interested me very much…

  10. emergence says

    Caine @8

    I think that the reason a lot of mythical pantheons are full of capricious assholes is because they were meant to embody the uncaring, barely predictable forces of nature. That way you have a convenient blame figure for whenever you get screwed over.

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