All white men must be signed up by January 20th. Do your duty, White Dudes!
As you may or may not know, in America 57% of reported rapes1 and 64% of mass shootings2 were committed by white men. 45% of all serial killers are white men3. 1 in 3 women will experience some form of domestic violence during their lifetime4, and 97% of those domestic violence perpetrators were men5.
According to a Newsweek article from earlier this year, Right Wing Extremists pose a greater threat to National security than ISIS6, and in the past week alone The Southern Poverty Law Center has registered over 400 reports of hate crimes enacted in the name of the nationalist, racist, and sexist campaign rhetoric espoused by Donald J Trump7. Every day, as shocking staff appointments and Muslim registry plans start to emerge from the President-Elect’s transition team8,9, one thing has become increasingly clear: the safety of American citizens– all American citizens– is in danger.
Forget the nation of Islam, our most immediate threat to domestic security is and always has been white, straight men.
That is why I have decided to do my part as a Red Blooded Patriot by creating The White Male Registry. It is a simple google form complete with questions that will help identify just how much of a threat to American security any individual white male may pose to the general public.
Until January 20th all white men may voluntarily register themselves. Special consideration may or may not be granted to those who register before this date. After January 20th, however, I will be encouraging anyone and everyone to add to the list any non-registered white male they may personally perceive as a threat to their safety.
I will also be registering every white man in Washington one by one. I started with Donald J Trump himself and sent him a message this morning via his website:
Hi Mr President-Elect and your esteemed team of assistants,
I am writing to inform you that I’ll be adding your name to the National White Men Registry I have just created. I’m trying to keep America safe from the ethnic group that, statistically speaking, poses the largest threat to national safety: white, straight, CIS-gendered men.
I hope you’ll join me in asking other white men to register in the interest of national safety, for as you so wisely said, “We want to be very fair but too many bad things are happening and the percentage of true hatred is too great. People that are looking to destroy our country must be reported and turned in by the good people who love our country and want America to be great again.”
I couldn’t have said it better.
All the best to you and your transition team. I sincerely hope that we have the chance to meet in person one day so that I can grab you by your most esteemed man-pussy. But be forewarned: once I grab it I will never, ever, ever let go.
To the White Men of America, I humbly ask that you do your part for National Security and American Freedom. We can not rest until @allwhitemen are present and accounted for.
In solidarity for All Americans. Be Well.
*Because there will be at least one person who doesn’t get it, see here, and please note use of the word satirical.