Criminal Begs Forgiveness for Recent Infamy; Iris Yet to Comment

via Jezebel

Jezebel adds:

neighbors say that this is not the first incident of this nature in Rego Park, just the first one that gained media coverage, though no apologies were forthcoming when there were no cameras to force them. It’s like the old saying goes: When a squirrel shows you who they are, believe them (and not their Notes App).

 

 

A Story What Is Crucial To Your Existence

Okay so I have a bunch of Peace Corps friendly non-friends, which is weird because I never did peace corps, but my oldest friend did and I met a bunch of Peace Corps hippies while working in a museum ages ago.

So these Peace Corps hippies (and, bizarrely, a couple Peace Corps capitalists? What’s up with them? How did they get in to the PC in the first place? Perhaps we shall find out in this story?) all still talk to each other, even though they worked in different places around the world. So one of these folks, who is still good friends with my oldest friend and entrée into the Peace Corps circle, lives in Brazil of all places, not even where he did his Peace Corps work, although I will concede that his Peace Corps work was in one of the South Americas in a country whose name starts with B, so probably no real difference, right? (No, it is not Buriname, but that’s all I’m saying. I’m protecting the poor country’s anonymity for a reason.)

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The Kraken Went Down to Georgia

(H/T for the idea to Wonkette)

The Kraken went down to Georgia,
Lookin’ for an election to steal
He was in a bind
He was way behind
Thinkin’ when did shit get real?
When he came across a conspiracy nut on OANN flappin’ her gums
And so he squeezed his knees beneath a desk for fleas and said “Let’s speak to the Dumbs.”

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I won this election, too
And if you can’t face the facts of the case, I’ll sick (sic) marines on you
Antifa crimes all the damn time, but give the Orangeman his due
I got this far as a fraudulent star. Now I’ve got lawyers too.

The judge said, “Address me as ‘Your Honor’, and perhaps I’m sua spont’
But without some facts proving criminal acts
I’m going to kick you to Vermont.

Donny, smooth your spray-on tan and rile up your Dumbs
Cause Biden’s taken Georgia, and he beat you like a drum.
If you keep your post, the Dems are toast, and you’ll still be King Troll
But if you lose, your ass goes in the Hole.

 


Originally written for the Wonkette comments, but I’m too vain not to share it with both of you. You’ll have noticed that the song is unfinished. I may not get back to it, but I also might write up the end once the end of this attempt at election theft is over. I can’t, after all, finish the song satirizing the events before the events have finished themselves.

I Have A Dream: 1000 Drag Performers on the National Mall (Updated)

Last night I dreamed we were on the boat to heaven, but by some chance we were still dragging Trump along. And there I stood, and I hollered, “Someone save me!” and the drag performers started singing a song….

No, seriously, I had a dream that 1000 drag performers showed up at Lafayette Park & sang, “Girl, don’t go away mad. Girl, just go away,” to Trump on January 19th, his last night in office. This blog post is for the playlist of songs we would have those 1000 drag performers sing that night in Lafayette Park, if we could get them there. I’ll start with a few, but I’m sure as hell taking suggestions. If necessary I’ll keep updating this thing until Trump is out of office.

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Next Elon Musk Wants To Ask About These So-Called “Nipples”

Gizmodo has decided to report on the startling and unexpected revelation that Elon Musk is a bit of an asshat. (h/t to Loose noodle poodle doodle over on Pharyngula.) This is not my typical beat here at Pervert Justice, but I was charmed by one anecdote – not by Musk’s behavior, but by that of an unnamed “girlfriend”. (Factcheck: almost certainly an adult.) Gizmodo puts this in a quote, but doesn’t clearly identify where the quote is coming from, so you’ll just have to settle for clicking through to Gizmodo if you’re the kind of person who wants to check my sources.

Anyway, the anecdote:

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