My teachers insisted during my education that there was no such thing as a “stupid question.” YouTube atheist dudebros have proven me wrong, 27 times.

I can only conclude that the acid-fueled unintelligible nonsense produced by a collaboration of YouTube’s–as PZ so aptly puts it–“atheist assweasels” was the result of 27 questions rammed through Google Translate from English to Douchebro, back into English, again into Douchebro and back again into English. I suppose they expect their critics to respond with reasonable answers. I took mine and performed the same Google Translate procedure, just to ameliorate any concerns of unfairness, bias, or prejudice, and also to assist in helping them understand.

1. Why do you claim to speak for LGBT people, women, and ethnic minorities but when lgbt people, women, and ethnic minorities disagree with you, you harass them?

Make sure your straw SJWs are stored properly or else they can be a fire hazard.

2. Do you realize that your war on language through political correctness has made you bedfellows with true rape culture?
In other words, Islam, the world’s most misogynistic ideology?

I like to think of misogyny as a toolbox. Islam’s the buzzsaw, Christianity’s the hammer, and atheist dudebros are the drill (loud and whiny)

3. Do you want women to be equal or do you want women to be a protected class?
You can’t have both.
If you expect society to be treat women as equal with men, why don’t women have to take responsibility for their own safety?

I’ll take False Dichotomies for 500 please.

4. What are you afraid will happen when you leave your “safe space”?

Your video.

5. How can you possibly justify the idea that it’s somehow racist to disagree with black lives matter?
And yet it’s not racist when a black person tweets something like, “kill all white people.”

What *are* birds? We just don’t know.

6. Are you aware the present is not the past?
Are you familiar with the concept of linear time?
Because you seem incredibly comfortable traveling back through time by talking about how bad things were for women, or black people, or whomever. And then by using some form of SJW magic, you then claim or imply that those problems in the past exist today.
Are you aware that this trick that you’re doing is not working? Why do you think that would work?

Is this a question or poorly written Dr. Who fanfic?

7. Why do you think that you can spend your entire life in a state of perpetual emotional immaturity?
Do you actually imagine that you’ll be able to stretch out your adolescence for your entire existence?

I’m adolescent, says the group of boys who came together to pat each other on the back about those other boys who have cooties. Also girls are stinky.

8. Did you know there are 13% more women in college right now than men?
So if the whole goal of feminism is “equality,” shouldn’t we have some men-only scholarships in order to equal everything out?

Misandry!

9. If feminism and egalitarianism are both about equal rights, than why does one start with a gendered prefix while the other one is entirely gender neutral?

I can’t stamp my “misandry” space twice, dammit.

10. What do you hope to gain by bringing back racial segregation?

When did you stop beating your girlfriends?

11. When my grand-uncle was dropping bombs on London, did your grandparents get out of their bunkers in the morning to protest with signs that read, “Not all Nazis”?

How long did it take you to come up with a question so wrong it causes brain damage?

12. Why do you think every cis white male is born racist?
Racism is a learned behavior.

Racism is a learned behaviour, says dudebros, before back flipping onto their white saviour platform from which they explain racism to the “uneducated blacks.”

13. How can you possibly say that the phrase “All Lives Matter” is somehow racist?
It sounds like someone the Dalai Lama would say.

#GandhiDidIt

14. Would you rather be right, or popular?
It seems like your primary objective is to score social points and get public validation.
You speak publicly in the same way that people write their dating profiles.
Stop trying to demonstrate how awesome you are, and get real.

Weren’t these same dudebros complaining about maturity? “Get real”? Are we five again?

15. So if a drunk man sleeps with a drunk woman, the woman is incapable of giving consent.
But the man is?

BINGO!

16. Is it really easier trying to spend all your life attempting to pacify the world and subdue all around you, instead of accepting that you are the person that has to change?

“Stop being different.”

17. When I sing along with rap music, is it OK if I say the word “nigga”?

The fortune you seek is in another cookie.

18. How do you reconcile your opinion that gender doesn’t matter or even exist with your need to invent new genders each day?

Very carefully.

19. In your version of equality will white men ever have a voice in society or will white men always be too privileged to participate in discussion?

Whew, there’s a lot of hot air in here.

20. What makes you think that the power of censorship that you are so desperately trying to establish now will at no point be used against you?

My brain.

21. Why is it that if a woman dresses sexy or even topless in public you support it, but if a female video-game character is dressed sexy, then you want her clothed more modestly?

Who dressed whom in each scenario?

22. What is your favorite song to sing really loud when you’re confronted with a different point of view?

I’m the

hiphopapottamus

rhymes that glow like phosphorus

poppin’ off the top of this

esophagus

rockin this

metropolis

no I am not a large water-dwelling mammal where did you get that

preposterous hypothesis

did Steve tell you that

Steve

23. Why are you afraid of dissenting opinions?
Your continued attempts to silence all opposition, either by smearing them publicly, or labeling their content as “hate speech” and having it removed, only serves to insulate your bubble even more and maintain your echo chamber.
It also prevents you from taking on new information and hearing different points of view.
Different points of view that are sometimes superior to yours.
Which tends to happen whenever I talk.

You must tell me the manufacturer of your projector.

24. What is reverse racism? Like, what the actual fuck is it?
It’s just racism, right?

It’s exactly like reverse gravity.

25. Do any of you people actually remember all the pronouns?
You know the list, right? The one with 76 fucking genders.

u mad?

26. Why do you feel entitled to control what artists and entertainers are allowed to express?
Why do you think your sensibilities should be placed above the sensibilities of actual creators?

This just in: I’m not an actual creator. I’m presumably an imaginary creator. We’ll cover this existential crisis later at 9.

27. Have you ever considered that using the terms “racism” and “sexism” as haphazardly as you do to describe everything under the sun that makes you feel uncomfortable devalues the word to the point that it actually hurts the people who actually suffer from real racism and real sexism?
Have you ever fucking thought of that?

u mad.

If you would like to see the appropriate response in English rather than a English-Douchebro-English-Douchebro translation, in which some information may have been lost, go here.

-Shiv