I used to be a lot more outspoken. I am in disbelief at what is happening in my country, but fear is starting to silence me. I’m scared that what I say could make me a target. The current political climate has brought out the worst in people, and I don’t want to be next, so I’ve stayed quiet and minded my own business. 

It’s been months since I’ve said anything on Facebook. Every day, there’s another horrible story, another murder, another family torn apart, but here I am, just going about my day, trying to get by. What’s happening outside my little bubble doesn’t even seem real. Am I really still in America? Am I in shock or becoming desensitized? 

I should be outraged, but instead I feel paralyzed. It’s like I put on blinders and just keep going like it’s going to protect me. It’s impossible to ignore what’s happening, but I somehow find a way to separate myself from it. If it were my family being torn apart or murdered, I wouldn’t want people to be too scared to help me, but I feel that’s exactly what I’m doing by staying silent. 

Change is imminent. We can’t keep going on like this, but how many lives are going to be destroyed in the process?

Times are really tough, and I’m just trying to get by like everyone else. It’s hard to help others when we are all constantly in survival mode. How do you think about everything that’s going on in our country when you are worrying that you can’t even afford groceries? 

I used to be angry about the current situation, but now I’m scared that things will never get better, or that things will get way worse before they ever get better. I think everyone else is feeling that right now, too.

Is anyone else having trouble speaking up? Keeping my mouth shut feels safe, but is anyone really safe right now? 

Tomorrow, school starts again. I’m taking statistics this term, and I’m terrified of that class. Once again, I will hide in my little bubble, trying to get myself ahead while our country falls apart around me. 

It just feels like every man for themselves right now when what we really need is community and solidarity. Are you guys feeling that, too?

I know it’s been a long time, and I apologize for my absence. There have been a lot of changes in my life, and I wanted to pop in and give you guys an update.

I am still working two jobs; one at a mental health organization, facilitating therapeutic art groups, and the other at a craft store in the frame shop. I work two jobs because financially I have to, but I actually enjoy both of my jobs. I have learned that I’m the type of person who has to get up and leave the house every day. In the past, spending too much time at home negatively affected my mental health, and I think that’s one of the main reasons I struggled so much during COVID. 

I’m also back in school! Last June, I started taking classes online, and I am working toward a bachelor’s degree in health science. I have about a year and a half left to go. My friends and family were surprised when I told them my major. I’ve spent most of my life pursuing the arts, so this is quite a change. However, I am absolutely loving my classes! I’m not sure what I want to do with my degree yet, but I am considering applying to grad school. 

Unfortunately, two jobs and school leave very little time for writing, but I want you all to know that I still want to be a part of the Freethought Blogs community. Once my life settles down, I plan on writing regularly again.

Another change I want to share is that I’ve lost over eighty pounds. I believe in my last few posts on FtB, I shared that I had knee surgery. Having knee surgery required lots of physical therapy, which led me to work out on my own. I started on a stationary bike in my basement. I noticed I had more energy, so I stuck with it. I was working out a few times a week, but then in December 2024, I decided to try running, and as they say, the rest is history! I run almost every day now. People don’t even recognize me. I went from a size 20 to a size 0, so it is a huge change! Running is my “me” time. I run early in the morning before I wake my daughter up for school. I have a TV set up in front of my treadmill in the basement, so I turn on some trashy reality shows and go to town! Yes, I look different, but I think the biggest change is how I feel. Both my physical and mental health have improved immensely! 

I just wanted to let you know that I’m not dead. I’m actually doing really well, and I hope to start writing again once life settles down and I have the time to dedicate to my blog. I feel like you guys have seen the best and worst of me, and I want you to know that I’ve always appreciated the support you’ve shown me.