Warning: Jesus Appearances


According to New Testament scholar Jeremiah Johnston, who allegedly spent 6 years working on a book entitled “Unanswered (Lasting Truth for Trending Questions)” interviewed in Christian Post:

“Jesus is appearing to Muslims all over the Middle Eastern world,” he told The Christian Post. The Bible scholar, who wrote a forthcoming book on the Islamic State terror group, admitted “that makes some believers uncomfortable — you know, Jesus appearing to someone. I remind them, ‘have you read Acts Chapter 9 recently? Who did Jesus appear to while he was on the road to Damascus? Saul of Tarsus.’ We don’t need to put God in a box. Believe you me, God can work apart from us.”

I didn’t realize that toast, waffles, and moldy carpet were so popular in the middle east. Or perhaps Jesus is appearing in mud puddles or other unusual places.

h-DOG-BUTT-JESUS-348x516
(Jesus!)

Joking aside, let me say what I really hate about this. There are lots of things: First off, that stupid article appeared on my google news. That’s such a poor article it ought not to get coughed up on the internet until I’m getting close to finishing reading it all. Secondly, the credulous tone of the Christian Post is really painful to see. I’m not expecting a kind of spanish inquisition from whoever interviewed him, but basically they print everything he said as if it’s flat-out fact; there isn’t even a pretense to skepticism or concern with – you know – reality.

The pastor is not at all surprised by God’s miraculous move within persecuted churches, recalling a visit to China where he met with a Christian missionary. The missionary and affiliated Christian churches practiced their faith in that country much like persecuted churches did in the book of Acts. In Communist China, many Christians, if they wanted their churches to survive, had to go underground.

In fairness, the Chinese had a bit of problems with Christian missionaries. That problem was called the Taiping Rebellion and it resulted in 20-30 million dead. Somehow when he’s talking about churches “going underground” I don’t think he means 6′ deep. Of course the rebellion was only ostensibly christian, and most “real” christians would look askance at the “Taiping Heavenly Kingdom Movement”  Let’s hope jesus doesn’t have anything like that in store for the middle east. Appearances of jesus are a bad omen for everyone involved.

But we don’t need to look hard to tell what’s going on: the pastor’s got a book he’s selling. And he made sure to let us know that he has another book (purporting to explain ISIS) on the way. Oh, and if you look on the publisher’s site you’ll discover that the good pastor is available to come do public speaking. Supposedly he spent 6 years on “Unanswered” – I hope the quality of his book on ISIS doesn’t suffer because he’s rushing to publish it.

Why do so many apologists just jump right in and start lying as soon as they begin making noises? Does anyone really think that the pastor spent 6 years writing what appears to be a thin bowl of gruel? Maybe the pastor spent 6 years travelling around eating good food and touristing, then came home and banged out this whacking great 220 page monster? I see it has a recommendation by none other than Lee Strobel, and lots of great reviews on Amazon. So it must be true.

Comments

  1. grumpyoldfart says

    Jeremiah Johnston brings up Acts chapter 9, so let’s take a closer look at the story of Paul’s conversion in that chapter:

    In Acts chapter 9,
    Paul fell to the ground
    The men travelling with him were struck speechless.
    They heard a voice
    But could see nothing.
    Paul went blind and was taken into Damascus.

    In Acts chapter 22,
    Paul fell to the ground
    The men travelling with him didn’t hear a voice
    But they did see the light.
    Paul went blind and was taken into Damascus.

    In Acts chapter 26,
    Paul fell to the ground.
    His companions also fell over.
    But no mention of what they did (or didn’t) see or hear.
    No mention either, of Paul going blind.
    Also the author of Acts says Paul went first to Damascus, then Jerusalem and finally to all of Judea.

    Meanwhile, back in Galatians chapter 1, the man himself tells a quite different story about his conversion. Paul says he was called to serve Jesus but there is no mention of either a light or a voice. He also contradicts Acts 26 when he says that he first went to Arabia, then to Damascus, and three years after that he went to Jerusalem.

  2. kestrel says

    ??? I have to say no. I don’t really think it took 6 years to write that. Sorry, Jeremiah Johnston!

    Love that Jesus appearance. I need to check – it is entirely possible that Jesus has appeared on some of my goats! Except with bigger feet!!

  3. says

    grumpyoldfart @#1: It is amazing when you read the bible in parallel, rather than linearly, isn’t it? It’s as if it’s a bunch of stuff a bunch of people made up without even getting their stories straight, or something!!

  4. says

    kestrel@#2:
    it is entirely possible that Jesus has appeared on some of my goats!

    If jesus appears on your goat in that manner, I’m sure people will fall down and worship it. Uh-oh.

  5. Nancy G. Fox says

    [I’m going to let this through because it’s funny and kind of interesting. It looks like some spam-bots trigger on the word “jesus” – maybe “hey there are suckers here who might give us money”!! ]

    God spoke to Nancy Fox in 2005 spelling out on her angel board and she became his medium of communication and in 2009 he and Jesus made her this medium clear and thou great of a Mary Magdalene and they decide and human beings of devils inhuman the most are lying they can lie someone is a medium for us who is not as a person on this awful mean liar greedy sinner bank robbery of a Prophet land does nothing make thus decision I Christ decide and discover so.Amen to you for knowing so and to stop this kzillionheriess bank robbery of my medium thy only one is she today and that’s what she’s made thus far by her savior of mine life saving work all sent to thank her Amen again to stop they this awful.large errie devil as they need to get away now as it’s all her great evening wear to food cars of luxury thats all for her productivity comfortable life for her the person doing this work and it’s not for the liars pretending they are a Lordess on earth as they are trashy whores vulgarity greed sinning so horribly lying its their stuff and lying they will be in her WordPress parade on a float to steal and robbing her Prophet speaking mail and lying its their speaking job and stole Lennons more truck loads of her PayPal the biggest robbery in the world as it’s all this mediums all alone and she has absolutely none of her own money her pay to my Prophet

    Jesus to say again real loud thy devils are literally taking a sharper bold pen of a new age mechanism and put a line through my great so name on her I am a medium for ,,,, many legends names she’s a medium for and sharpie names out as they literally rob her great medium thank you money sent for her many year’s of work writing she’s done already and site under ground robbing her owned business money and they are the devil this is so cruel to do to a private personal business and she got out a red Presidents of the old worried so United States of thus gravely endagered old shaky so of American great land its to so become again and in spring of 2013 she decided you write for each passed on President to summer and many days since 09 also for the great legend detective writer with her our Legendary her p of a Lord Richard Nixon and JFK since 2009 early on and in 2013 wrote and posted on her many wordpresses for all the passed on USA Presidents and they steal her writing money pay to my Prophet devils hands writing lines through her personal resume’ I am a medium for…. That zillions is so sent for that they stole and none of it is their business and never was they are trouble causing of an entinity and I want them gone and to stop it so now or else say I thy Christ so please stop them this awful cruel mean thievery of i d theft to my mediums owned business that she does so alone by me for comfort and a thousand angels singing so around her please remind them It’s illegal to rob a Prophet and their awful consequences Amen to thus for stopping this by me thy real Jesus

    This is thou Jesus of hers and her great children now so very quite sincerely grown up to a mid age twenty four year old nearly half a decade of mine is my word and half of thou fifty mid age I do mean and not as sincere is our eldest of thou meant to be my so gracious of thou only Lord one on this great vicuous now rolling around PayPal robbing of an earth of mine and thou great magestic God as not sincere is our planned out ions ago meant to be our one and only thou Lord on this earth as he is a reincarnated so spirit God of mine meant to save thou Lordess on this earth life as she’s my only great writer a real one for me though her great daughter’s shall be ever so grandly shortly any minute to write for me as thy are my named so precious thou Lordess on this great endangered though earth and I’m he thy Mr.Christ to say so and our incarnated Lord is to be so well informed to have saved them this whole time from the awful occult since meeting in 1988 even and in thy 2009 the important orders were sent since 2005 spring to Janlor Drive even I do say so to save them all from the this gigantic devil and all this so important mail is stolen sent for this great Lordess on earth God they do name her and all over this land is my land and he’s to have been so well told way back then and was not as its to save many lives of my people from a horrific torturing death by the awful insane people selling devil and its to save my babies all over the world and young ones of girls from a young toddler in a so called porn of kiddy movie is never a porn at all it’s a forced murder done of gang raping perps desperate to have them these children begging them to stop it screaming at the top of their tiny lungs of a pre schooler and many under my earth are yelling mom all day begging them the under ground sex slavery ring to stop it and my medium started to figure much of this out in 2009 by writing by me thou Jesus Christ and reported many tips of her so sound mind as a telepathic of a great the greatest of a criminal mind reader in addition so to her great Medium writer work I do by she and her old boyfriend of a past life so soul mate of my great white light souls so very intertwined was to be informed this is your last life wife as a reincarnated couple to protect her and work beside her as a reincarnated saving the world couple and nearly thirty years are so ever lost as in meeting time as a life long plan of mine and thou God’s in 1988 They were to be so well informed of their so inheritated wealth of their last life Lord and thou Nancy G. Fox of the Lordess on Earth estate left to her to have her owned money of hers his snd future children to guard themselves as a Queen of England stature and thats still supposed to be happening now today as in 07 commands sent for they were so taken away and my real only medium of my vCard clear vessel writer and Medium speaker for me thou Jesus to thou God of all Gods to thou great passed on legends of thy very famous American Presidents of this pld shaky ground of this USA she works so hard broke alone and so damed afraid snd broke as a really robbed prophetess as they hackers spy equipment robbers of her postal money PayPal ups fed ex courier servuce Western union and you name it steal every cent she’s so pleeded for to save my people and her own family and its serious business and many take it and laugh on line all day lol ing a robber yackityyack screen name to kimberlydrive aim name and so on and their devil lying bank robbery devils fingers of a real i.d theft robber hands wrote their hands filth disgusting names next to mine Abe lincoln to Washington to Lennon one hundred guides on her owned business of a real prophet I am a medium.. For and lie they were given this role and lie they represent her legends of guides work redo it snd lie I’m wrong and steal outright her pay sent for my work to save them and ten Lords on earth today I say and eleven women of Ssints to say she Nancy Gail Fox ala Fox-Taylor is this business Medium For God and it’s her pay Amen to say it so now. Eleven years of hardest prophet work ever in our past history’s she’s done.

  6. Owlmirror says

    Holy Markov Chains!

    FWIW, Google finds no hits on “kzillionheriess”, so that string may have been generated uniquely for this posting. But it may take time for pages to be indexed; I guess checking again later may have different results.

  7. Owlmirror says

    @Marcus: I always figured that stuff like #5 was meant as spam probes — if this huge wall of text goes through, then later comments that include links and SEO keywords will be pushed as followup (or were there links in there that you already stripped out?).

    It occurs to me that you could rot13 the whole thing to mess with later searchability, and wrap it with some javascript to unrot13 it. Or maybe some other easily reversible filter (caesar/piglatin). Just a thought.

Leave a Reply