The Kraken Went Down to Georgia

(H/T for the idea to Wonkette)

The Kraken went down to Georgia,
Lookin’ for an election to steal
He was in a bind
He was way behind
Thinkin’ when did shit get real?
When he came across a conspiracy nut on OANN flappin’ her gums
And so he squeezed his knees beneath a desk for fleas and said “Let’s speak to the Dumbs.”

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I won this election, too
And if you can’t face the facts of the case, I’ll sick (sic) marines on you
Antifa crimes all the damn time, but give the Orangeman his due
I got this far as a fraudulent star. Now I’ve got lawyers too.

The judge said, “Address me as ‘Your Honor’, and perhaps I’m sua spont’
But without some facts proving criminal acts
I’m going to kick you to Vermont.

Donny, smooth your spray-on tan and rile up your Dumbs
Cause Biden’s taken Georgia, and he beat you like a drum.
If you keep your post, the Dems are toast, and you’ll still be King Troll
But if you lose, your ass goes in the Hole.


Originally written for the Wonkette comments, but I’m too vain not to share it with both of you. You’ll have noticed that the song is unfinished. I may not get back to it, but I also might write up the end once the end of this attempt at election theft is over. I can’t, after all, finish the song satirizing the events before the events have finished themselves.


  1. kestrel says

    Well, and you can’t finish it without knowing just how dumb it will get. I might be mistaken, and I think you’re a good person to ask – did Sidney Powell actually file a blank document? I read that she had filed an online form with the judge, but did not fill it in, and the person (I think a lawyer?) was amazed that it was even possible to do that. True? Or not?

  2. says

    As I understand it she filed a draft of her complaint, with important blanks left unfilled -including what remedy she was seeking.

    You can’t go before a court & say, “I’m suing this person because they’re breaking the law in X way” without also saying, “and to remedy this the court needs to do Y.”

    If the court doesn’t need to do anything, then why take the suit in the first place? The surprise was that it was possible to file something with sections blank, rather than that the whole thing was blank. I mean, your basic food delivery service knows how to create online forms that don’t allow you to skip the blank for your address. I mean, it would be stupid to ask for a food delivery & then not give them an address, but the online form makes it impossible just because humans do, in fact, do stupid things sometimes.

    So there were two sources of wonder: First that Powell would even TRY to file a complaint without seeking a remedy (and to be fair, it may be that she thought she was hitting a button to save the half-completed form without officially submitting it so she could come back & work on it more later), but then also that the system actually permits that. I mean, WTF? Our court system is less well managed than a Vancouver food cart?

    Anyway, that’s what I heard, but I haven’t looked up the filings themselves. It would be interesting to do. Powell has been writing some really deranged & incompetent stuff lately.

  3. johnson catman says

    re CD @2: “deranged and incompetent” perfectly describes the administration and all of their flunkies of the last four years.

  4. Pierce R. Butler says

    “Sic”, as a verb, uses a “k” only with a suffix for various tenses (“sicked”, “sicking”), though the double-c (“sicced”) occurs more frequently.

    Yes, it derives straight from Latin: the Romans used it to tell their attack dogs, “That one!”

    What do they teach you in the law schools these days???

  5. says

    I don’t see the big deal with the Kraken.
    Tennyson put it best

    There hath he lain for ages, and will lie
    Battening upon huge sea worms in his sleep,
    Until the latter fire shall heat the deep;
    Then once by man and angels to be seen,
    In roaring he shall rise and on the surface die.
    And not the [sadly not] reference to global warming!!!

  6. kestrel says

    @Crip Dyke, Right Reverend Feminist Fuck Toy of Death & Her Handmaiden, #2: OK thanks that clears it up for me! However, I did try and check my source, and in the Twitter thread, well… it does look like an entirely blank form was filed. They have it linked and at the bottom of it there’s a filing date of 12/2/20… I don’t know anything about legal documents, but maybe this really is true? Link:

    I’ll have to try and think up a verse to your song about this. “Something something nothing to say, Something something I’ll say it anyway.”

  7. says

    It really could be true. I hadn’t checked it out.

    Kinda stunned. I just checked your link. That’s NOT the deficient filing that I was referencing it’s a completely different form with an entirely separate mistake.

    I’m, holy wow, manbat. She gets a nasty lecture from the judge for filing an incomplete complaint & she responds with a blank notice of appearance? It’s hard to even conceive of how desperately her bar association needs to condition her license right now.

  8. Pierce R. Butler says

    Crip Dyke… @ # 5: How do you like it now, Pierce R. Butler?

    A sic-cessful sic-ond try!

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