The Kraken Went Down to Georgia

(H/T for the idea to Wonkette)

The Kraken went down to Georgia,
Lookin’ for an election to steal
He was in a bind
He was way behind
Thinkin’ when did shit get real?
When he came across a conspiracy nut on OANN flappin’ her gums
And so he squeezed his knees beneath a desk for fleas and said “Let’s speak to the Dumbs.”

“I guess you didn’t know it, but I won this election, too
And if you can’t face the facts of the case, I’ll sick (sic) marines on you
Antifa crimes all the damn time, but give the Orangeman his due
I got this far as a fraudulent star. Now I’ve got lawyers too.

The judge said, “Address me as ‘Your Honor’, and perhaps I’m sua spont’
But without some facts proving criminal acts
I’m going to kick you to Vermont.

Donny, smooth your spray-on tan and rile up your Dumbs
Cause Biden’s taken Georgia, and he beat you like a drum.
If you keep your post, the Dems are toast, and you’ll still be King Troll
But if you lose, your ass goes in the Hole.


Originally written for the Wonkette comments, but I’m too vain not to share it with both of you. You’ll have noticed that the song is unfinished. I may not get back to it, but I also might write up the end once the end of this attempt at election theft is over. I can’t, after all, finish the song satirizing the events before the events have finished themselves.