I used to be a lot more outspoken. I am in disbelief at what is happening in my country, but fear is starting to silence me. I’m scared that what I say could make me a target. The current political climate has brought out the worst in people, and I don’t want to be next, so I’ve stayed quiet and minded my own business.
It’s been months since I’ve said anything on Facebook. Every day, there’s another horrible story, another murder, another family torn apart, but here I am, just going about my day, trying to get by. What’s happening outside my little bubble doesn’t even seem real. Am I really still in America? Am I in shock or becoming desensitized?
I should be outraged, but instead I feel paralyzed. It’s like I put on blinders and just keep going like it’s going to protect me. It’s impossible to ignore what’s happening, but I somehow find a way to separate myself from it. If it were my family being torn apart or murdered, I wouldn’t want people to be too scared to help me, but I feel that’s exactly what I’m doing by staying silent.
Change is imminent. We can’t keep going on like this, but how many lives are going to be destroyed in the process?
Times are really tough, and I’m just trying to get by like everyone else. It’s hard to help others when we are all constantly in survival mode. How do you think about everything that’s going on in our country when you are worrying that you can’t even afford groceries?
I used to be angry about the current situation, but now I’m scared that things will never get better, or that things will get way worse before they ever get better. I think everyone else is feeling that right now, too.
Is anyone else having trouble speaking up? Keeping my mouth shut feels safe, but is anyone really safe right now?
Tomorrow, school starts again. I’m taking statistics this term, and I’m terrified of that class. Once again, I will hide in my little bubble, trying to get myself ahead while our country falls apart around me.
It just feels like every man for themselves right now when what we really need is community and solidarity. Are you guys feeling that, too?
last i checked my comments never clear your pending queue but i’ll answer. honestly surprised nobody else has. that might speak to the mostly retired nature of ftb’s reading demographic, that they’re not under the pressure of a workplace or school situation.
my workplace is extremely unsociable because it’s all about time spent on the phone with customers, hardly room for office friendships. i deleted most of my social media two minutes after opening it, so i don’t see the facebook pressure either. plus i’m in the most reliably dem voting state in the union, seemingly, so less cultural feeling that i could get hatecrimed for wearing jewelry.
all that’s to say, maybe i’m out of my lane to even speak to you on this. but i do think a discreet white person is fairly unlikely to catch hell if she’s not in a city under siege, and you should probably feel less scared than you do. feeling depressed about it all, well, that feels more justifiable and hard for me to speak against. 😔
this blog is where you get to speak up tho, preach to the choir, and you should, if you can excavate the anger from beneath the heap of grief and anxiety.
Are you paralyzed by fear or just exhausted? Narcissistic and histrionic people flood the zone with chaos, and serious people just wear out from the nonsense. This misadministration is engaging in deadly chaos, and that feels doubly wrong and crazy-making.
Good luck this semester with your stats course! Seek math help if you need it–your school probably has free (or nearly-free) tutoring available, and the earlier you get help, the more sense the course will make. Also, you can’t fight every fight on every front every minute of the day. Focus on what’s most important to you right now.
Find support!