The Microbe World Is Coming! It Will Rot Your Genitals Off!

Herpes, Chlamydia, HPV, Pox, and Penicillin. Giant Microbes.

Phil Duck Dude Robertson has some dire news: the microbe world is coming, and it’s gonna getcha! How? Oh, Beyoncé, of course.

In a social media video for Independent Journal Review shared on Robertson’s Facebook page on Friday, Robertson listened to clips of various pop songs and predictably expressed his disapproval. Things started to go off the rails, however, when Robertson listened to Beyoncé’s song “Blow.”

Robertson motioned for the song to be cut off.

“And you wonder why 110 million of us have a sexually transmitted disease at any given time?” Robertson asked.

Robertson warned, “So according to God, the Center for Disease Control and me, don’t listen to that chick. She will lead you down a path into the microbe world. She’ll take you down a path you don’t want to go down.”

“Boys, look out, the microbes are coming. They will rot your genitals off,” Robertson said.

My oh my. I don’t wonder why so many people have an STD at any given time, the reasons are pretty much the same as always: ignorance. Consider what decades of puritanical hysteria over comprehensive sex education has wrought. Remember Bush the younger and his abstinence only programs? Oh, the christians were so excited and happy about that one! Might be somewhat impressive if you all took responsibility for that mess, rather than blame one particular artist. And why Beyoncé? I could make a guess, and it wouldn’t paint duck dude in a very good light, not that there’s much good light to begin with at all. Also, it’s not just ‘boys’ who have sex, Phil. Looks like you need remedial sex ed.

Now, I haven’t gone looking, but I’m pretty sure the CDC has never issued a Beyoncé warning.

The microbes, they have always been with us, and they aren’t going anywhere. As usual, education would be the key, and you can listen to any music you like. Just remember to get that protection on!

Via RWW.


  1. blf says

    Generalissimo Google search for “Beyoncé warning” finds several videos having something to do with a Shocking Secret and The Illuminati. I have no idea what, I didn’t go down that rabbithole…

    There are, of course, a number of reality-based actual CDC warnings, with perhaps the most alarming being antibiotic resistance. As one example, Infographic: Antibiotic Resistance The Global Threat. And a recent article in the Grauniad, Antibiotic resistance could spell end of modern medicine, says chief medic. These are not at all hyperbolic, there is a massive problem here.

  2. says

    I never said there wasn’t a problem, but it doesn’t have to do with getting STDs because you listened to Beyoncé, and the CDC has not issued a warning about how listening to any music leads to STDs. FFS.

  3. StonedRanger says

    And people wonder why I get a little insulted when they ask me if im on duck dynasty just because I have a long beard. This guy is an idiot.

  4. blf says

    I never said there wasn’t a problem

    Yes. No-one’s said or deliberately implied anyone other than the loon in the OP is confused about the problems. Plural. The loon(s?) making video(s?} about Beyoncé, the Illuminati, and who knows what else are also clearly confused.

  5. Raucous Indignation says

    By the by, just checked the CDC. No Beyoncé related warnings. Some talk about impermeable barrier contraception, but that stuff is just nuts!

  6. says

    Raucous Indignation:


    I probably shouldn’t do this, but check the main page. You’ll be buried under plushness in no time. :D

    Some talk about impermeable barrier contraception, but that stuff is just nuts!


  7. Ice Swimmer says

    The Beyoncè song sounds fine. That particular Mr Robertson much less so. I guess there are microbes that will rot your legs off in the swamps of Louisiana. Funny, how wearing rubber boots or waders isn’t considered a sin.

    Now, the one English vulgar/slang name I know for gonorrhea is clap. Are there others, perhaps derived from the Dutch druiper (dripper) like in Swedish (dröpper), Finnish (tippuri), Estonian and German (Tripper).

  8. says

    I know nothing about Beyoncé, but those godless heathens in Europe somehow manage to do better whilst sharing most of the same media:

    In terms of STD incidence rates, there is a stark difference between the United States and Europe…According to data gathered from the WHO, Europe has managed to keep the incidence of STDs relatively low…What occurred with STD rates in the United States is more alarming…Rates are sky high compared with statistics across the sea.

    I wonder what would Phil Robertson say to this hypothesis -- it is because comprehensive sex education is, afaik, mandatory across Europe, is done in schools before puberty and religiouc fanatics have not managed to do away with it yet, despite trying hard these last years.

  9. snuffcurry says

    So, essentially, what this wealthy white supremacist who slums it as a tough and authentic Real Man is saying is that Jungle Music from blahs makes people (read: white people) promiscuous, and the punishment for that is pregnancy in women and dick-rotting in men. Truly, there is nothing new under the sun, because white people have forever been accusing people of color of “seducing” their kin and leading them from paths of righteousness. Fuck this dude.

  10. says

    I wonder how much of that crap Robertson actually believes. Before he and his kids did their Duck Commander show, which led to their A&E show Duck Dynasty, the Robertson sons at least were clean shaven and short haired. So I wouldn’t put it past him to be doing an act, because he knows there are lots of right wingers who will fall for that crap, and he can make money off them.

  11. says

    Oh, the whole family is a sham, but I do think Phil is stupid enough to believe a fair amount of right wing christian crap.

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