Jesus Toast. Again.


That’s Jesus. Yep. Showed up on a piece of toast, and soon to be on ebay.

WINDHAM, Maine (NEWS CENTER) — A man in Windham believes a holy depiction has graced his piece of buttered toast.

George Maley’s son, Andrew told NEWS CENTER, “I thought [dad] was lying. I thought it was completely fake, and then he showed me and my mind was blown.”

That’s all it takes to blow your mind? There’s a mighty low bar.

Both Andrew and George, believe you can see the face of Jesus in the toast.

George Maley said he made the toast three weeks ago at his home. He was having a particularly hard day, missing loved ones who have passed away, when he saw the image in the toast.

“It was an answer to a lot of questions I had,” George Maley said. “Even if it was just a brief image, it’s still a sign, and it points in the right direction.”

That’s nice, I hope you’re feeling better now.

George Maley is keeping the toast preserved in the freezer.

He’s hoping to sell it on eBay, and use the profits to help his two sons.

Oh, so that’s the godly direction, is it? Jesus sorta shows up on a piece of toast so you can auction it off and make some money. Yeah, that just screams godliness. What if Jesus wanted you to eat the toast, dude?



  1. Ogvorbis: A bear of very little brains. says

    Maybe he can use the eBay proceeds to buy a toaster that actually fucking works. Because, Jesus, toast should not look like that.

    Then again, nor should Jesus toast.

  2. johnson catman says

    My first thought was, if that is Jesus on the toast, it looks like he is burning in hell.

  3. says

    If I were a supreme being, I’d tend to appear in giant carbon crystals, 50 feet high. But jesus always did think small. That trickle-down junk he pulled with the loaves and the fishes? LOL. I remember the time I was putting on an awe show for a bunch of egyptians and materialized 100 Ferrari testarossas on top of them. It impressed them, sure, but there were no surviving witnesses to sing hallelulja.

  4. says

    Jesus, Lobo, or penis, whatever the hell, it looks terribly scabrous. Maybe there’s an outbreak of leprosy in heaven or something.

  5. Saad says

    rq, #8

    I see a sideways penis. Balls on the right.

    Dang it.

    Now I can’t see it as anything else. Not even toast.

  6. rq says


    Leprous penis. Ew! I guess it’s not so surprising, what with the lack of proper sex ed.

  7. rq says

    Maybe there’s an outbreak of leprosy in heaven or something.

    Story idea: every now and then, just to prove his godly powers yet again like some ornery teenager, Jesus gives everyone leprosy just so he can heal them again, slowly, one by one, by making mud with his own spit, except it’s really hard to find good proper mud in heaven, so… this could get pretty dirty.

  8. Anton Mates says

    What if Jesus wanted you to eat the toast, dude?

    Yep, this is clearly how Jesus reminds heretical Protestant breakfasters of the truth of transubstantiation. Eat the toast and repent! You don’t want to find an earlobe in your muffin next time, do you?

  9. Johnny Vector says

    I honestly see four faces there. One of them is much clearer than the others, and stands out graphically; obviously he’s the frontman. So I’m pretty sure this is the cover from Leprous Penis’ second album.

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