On carrying the weight of the world

I’m tired, of a lot of different things.

I’m tired of repeating myself when it comes to people expressing suspicion and denigration of trans identities. I’m tired of educating my “allies.” I’m tired of being told to hold their ignorance despite the pain it causes me, yet lamenting about their lack of initiative is met with “not all cis!” I’m tired of having weird emotional reactions to a private thing I won’t get into, because I thought I had a grip on this adulting thing but, you know, curve-balls happen and suddenly you feel infantile again because your brain doesn’t know how to process it.

I’m tired of navigating people’s prejudices in my dating life.

I’m tired of fighting. For myself, for my community, for sense and reason and human decency in general.

I need to take some time to decompress. There have been a few stressful developments in my life and I need to ration my time carefully lest I burn out. So, for the short term, the blogging is what’s on the chopping block.

Not permanently. Every time I rally I am re-possessed by the burning need to squash bullshit, so I anticipate a return. I don’t know exactly when, but I most likely will. But I need to take care of myself, and I hope you take care of yourselves too.



  1. says

    Sleep is a weapon!!

    … and the internet will be here when you get back. Unfortunately, the proportion of assholes won’t have changed, either.

    Be well,

  2. AMM says

    Speaking of the weight of the world:

    Last night, at our TDoR ceremony, one of the speakers was the mother of a 9-year-old trans girl, telling of their journey towards recognizing that she was a trans girl and dealing with that knowledge.

    One thing that stuck in my mind: she told of bringing her daughter to a conference for trans children and youth, and how her daughter said that while she was there, she felt a huge weight taken off her shoulders. There, an essential part of who she is — being trans — is something she shared with the rest of the children there, and the weight of being trans in a world that doesn’t have a place for being trans was lifted off her shoulders for that brief time.

    It’s why I attend trans groups and events as often as I can. It’s not that I encounter transphobia in my daily life. It’s more the realization that most of the people I see have no clue what it’s like to be trans. They may get the idea of me being a woman, but the trans part of me they really can’t get. It’s like I’m asking them to see the color ultraviolet. When I’m with trans people, my being trans is normal.