You hear people use the term “luck” all the time. I’ve always thought luck was a very random thing so it probably doesn’t exist at all. Do you ever describe times in your life as having good luck or bad luck?

Have you heard the phrase “when it rains it pours”? Does negativity snowball? My husband and I live paycheck to paycheck like many Americans do, so if there’s an emergency we’re screwed. 

A few weeks ago our cat was injured and needed to have her leg amputated. We spent our last 500 dollars on the surgery and the next day my husband’s car broke down. We don’t like asking for help but we had no choice. We were in a very desperate place. Thankfully a relative came to our rescue.

That’s some bad fucking luck right there.

I bitch but I know everyone has stressors in their life. Bad luck didn’t just pick me – I’m not special. No one has good or bad luck; there’s just random shit happening all the time.

Is there ever a balance between the good and the bad? I see a lot of both in my life.

 

Do you ever feel luck and sentimental value are related? Like carrying a special trinket around and hoping for good things?

When something happens in my life I often buy something small to remember it by. Sometimes it’s a plant or toy; other times it’s jewelry or a small trinket. 

For example, I recently submitted my art to a local gallery. They had a lot of requirements for their submissions and I worked really hard to put it all together. I finally sent the email and later that day I bought a small toy giraffe to remember what I was working on. I carry it in my bag for “luck” but really it reminds me to stay focused. 

I did the same thing for some poetry submissions. I bought a toy lion and carried it around. When my art was at a consignment shop, I bought a blue necklace from the shop. 

Probably the most meaningful one was a Valentine’s bear I bought when I was discharged from the treatment center last year. I came home on Valentine’s Day and I wanted to remember that.

This is a habit of mine. There are little things all over our house that I bought and have some sort of special meaning to me. It might be getting a little ridiculous. I think I have more stuffed animals than my seven-year-old daughter. 

Even if you’re not superstitious, do you have meaningful trinkets that you keep close by?

 

How do you feel about “luck”? Do you use the term (even if you don’t believe in it)? How do you feel about sentimental value? Is it something that affects you?

I’ve been watching a lot of TV lately – which isn’t really like me – but I seem to be really drawn to documentaries and true crime. Apparently, I like to unwind by watching something stressful.

Have you seen The Curious Case of Natalia Grace? (I think I watched it on Prime or Hulu.) It was an interesting story but the ending was pretty unsatisfying. It’s about a family who adopted a little girl with dwarfism but in the end, they didn’t know her age. It’s quite possible that she was a very small adult masquerading as a child. I was left unsatisfied because there really were no answers in the documentary – just the mention of an upcoming court case. 

What would it be like to experience childhood as an adult? 

If you could be a child again, would you?

Personally, I wish to remain an adult. Childhood is rough. A budding mental illness coupled with normal growing pains left me feeling fearful and confused. I’m happy to be grown-up and in charge of my own life. As a child, I wish I would have felt the freedom I do now. There’s nothing worse than feeling stuck in a bad situation.

Do you feel and act your age?

I entered a new decade with my 40th birthday last November. I thought I was going to have a hard time with it, but so far, forty’s not so bad. I have a wonderful family and I get to do the things I love to do. I can’t really say that about other times in my life. I’m not as physically fit as I should be, but I get around just fine. Yeah. Forty’s pretty cool.

Should I fear the Golden Years?

Man, I don’t know how to say this nicely. While I’m just fine with being forty, today I realized that maybe I’m a little scared of becoming elderly. I dropped off an order at a local sign shop run by a husband and wife team. The husband took my order and told me to return a few hours later to pick it up. When I showed up later my order wasn’t finished. It turns out the husband has dementia and left. The wife cried when she realized what had happened. 

I don’t know if I’ll ever get my order but I really don’t care at this point. I couldn’t imagine going through that. The wife said they had been in business for fifty years and should call it quits.

I don’t ever want to have to call it quits.

 

There’s just been a lot in my life right now making me think about age – from myself, from raising my seven-year-old, and from my interactions with others. How do you feel about it? Would you ever want to be a child again? What’s been your best decade? How do you feel about your age right now?

I am currently healing from broken trust which has left me thinking about what trust is and how it works. I have a lot of questions for you and I am eager to read your responses.

I often get gut feelings about people – both good and bad – but I try not to let them interfere with a budding relationship or friendship. My gut feeling is sometimes right, but often wrong. Should a person really trust their gut? I’ve always felt like I need more information – even if it leaves me guarded. I try to push through it – especially if it’s someone I can’t avoid. Are gut feelings irrational, biased, or even an innate instinct? 

Do you trust your gut? Does it tell you the truth?

While I sometimes ignore gut feelings, logical thinking takes over. I can keep a mental tally of the good and the bad and weigh my options. But the worst part is when wishful thinking steps in – when I want someone to be a good person so badly that I will look past numerous red flags. That’s when you get burned.

When I ignore red flags it’s often to keep the peace. I know there’s no formula for trust, but how many chances should you give someone? Where do you draw the line? What’s a forgivable mistake vs. blatant disrespect?

I am a trusting person and I usually give people a chance, but I feel it is much easier to see when someone breaks your trust than when they gain it. Gaining trust takes time while losing trust can happen in an instant.

If you’re trusting, open, and vulnerable – if you’re willing to let people in – does that make you prey? Will you become a victim? How do you protect yourself?

When a loved one trusts someone they shouldn’t – do you say something or step away?

On the flip side, am I trustworthy? How do I show someone that I’m trustworthy? I feel being honest and open has helped me in relationships. I’m often willing to share my story and hope others will reciprocate. Keep promises. Be reliable and available. 

Are people giving me a fair chance? On occasion, I doubt it because of the stigma surrounding my mental illness, but I try so hard to prove myself. Regardless, I have a lot of good people in my life.

Do you have to know someone on a somewhat personal level to trust them? Does personality play a role? Do any personal prejudices become a factor? Does the way a person looks make them more or less trustworthy? Unfortunately, I’m going to say yes to all of those. I see it in my own life. Deep down, I know it should be a person’s words and actions that make them trustworthy, but sometimes that’s just not the case. Sometimes you have to work really hard to look past irrelevant factors.

Here’s a touchy subject – how do you know if you can trust someone with your children? The list of people I’ll let watch my daughter is pretty short. Trusting people with children gives me a lot of anxiety. Do you have criteria for trusting a person with your child? My daughter plays with the girl next door a lot, and even her going over to the neighbor’s house makes me nervous. Sure, my husband and I talk to our neighbors here and there, but do we really know them? I feel like every time I take my daughter somewhere I am taking a chance with the people around us. When do you let go?

How do you know you can trust your children with different responsibilities or even with being left home alone? I learned a couple of weeks ago in a training given by our local children’s services that there is no set age to legally leave a child home alone in our state. It is completely at the discretion of the caregiver regarding the maturity of the child. I remember being home alone a lot when I was younger, but that was in a rural area in the nineties – it was more accepted to leave your children home alone at a younger age. My daughter’s daycare accepts children up to twelve years old. I certainly didn’t go to daycare that long but my daughter most likely will. 

And of course, the one that always pisses me off – why do people assume that because they’re Christian people should view them as trustworthy? Honestly, anymore it just makes me run in the opposite direction. I once had an auto mechanic tell me that he was a “god-fearing” man just before he really screwed me over. I’m sure we all have stories like that.

How do you see the good in people while still being cautious? That’s the question I want to be answered more than any of the others. Each time someone breaks your trust it knocks you down a notch making it harder to trust others in the future. However, if I don’t give people a chance I will miss out on relationships, opportunities, and experiences. What am I teaching my daughter at that point?

I am so curious to read your thoughts on trust. What does trust look like to you?

This is just a silly thought that popped into my mind today.

This morning I was laying in bed thinking about my paintings. I currently have seventeen paintings for sale at a local consignment shop and many more stored at home. I got a little flutter in my belly wondering if any of them have sold. I’m a very nervous and impatient person and I can’t stand not knowing. I have to pick up any unsold paintings on June sixth.

I wish I had the ability to know how my paintings will do, but if I did, would that have prevented me from showing the shop owner my paintings in the first place?

Would I want psychic powers? Maybe. 

Writing submissions feel the same as selling my artwork. I hate waiting. I just want to know. If I knew, I could focus my efforts on submissions where I know I’ll be successful.

I think there would be a downside to psychic powers. Late last year my family was at my husband’s grandpa’s house. His grandpa was in his nineties and usually very quiet, but at this visit, he was very talkative. He told us all about his experience in the Korean War. He was passionate and I felt closer to him for sharing.

After we left, I told my husband I was worried about his grandpa. Both of my grandpas were in World War II and it felt like they relived the war right before they died. They were willing to share things they weren’t before – just like my husband’s grandpa. 

I really didn’t know what was going to happen, but his grandpa died shortly after. I don’t know if anyone was freaked out by what I said, but I definitely felt shitty for saying it.

In that example, I would definitely not want psychic powers. What I said about my husband’s grandpa was not from a psychic ability – it was simply from past experience. Either way, it definitely felt like a punch in the gut.

Would you want to know how and when you’ll die? For me, no way. I’ll just say surprise me on that one.

So what do you think? Would you want psychic powers? How would you use them? Would you find a way to help others or would you keep your abilities to yourself?