A Progressive Couple with Traditional Roles

My husband and I are very progressive when it comes to political and social issues and we are passionate about the causes we support. I’m proud to say we are founding members of the Toledo Chapter of the Democratic Socialists of America.

However, we have very traditional roles. My husband is the provider. I have a part-time job but I spend most of my time at home with our daughter. It has been this way for about two and a half years now.

We never planned this lifestyle; it was just how the pieces fell, but I like it this way. With my husband bringing home the bacon I have ample time to work on art and writing projects and my husband is very supportive of the things that I do. I’m extremely grateful for that. 

On the flip side, I know this puts me in a bad position because I am completely dependent on my husband. I trust him but if anything were to happen, I’d be fucked.

I also wonder what kind of effect this might have on our daughter. I want her to know that this is my choice and she can choose whatever kind of lifestyle she wants as well. I like my daughter to see the different projects I do and I hope one day she will be proud of my work. I want her to see me doing cool things because she can do cool things, too. 

I know if I wanted to work full time again, my husband would be completely supportive. But right now I’m really happy with how things are. I would never dream in a million years that I would be in this position, but it’s really working out for us.


  1. Katydid says

    I would like to hear more (generally speaking) about how this is working out for you. Do you think you’re staying home in part because of your location? Or do you think your skills and abilities drove your decision?

    I’ll share my experience: I was bitten by the computer programming bug in the early 1980s and that’s what my undergrad degree is in. I ended up in a career using my skills and interests (computer programming) in an expensive part of the country. My staying home was never a thought because I very much wanted to be outside the home using my skils, and at the same time, it takes two incomes in my area to maintain a middle-class lifestyle. The topic of someone staying home just simply never came up in my marriage.

    Interested to hear how people in other parts of the country live.

    P.S. Congrats on founding your chapter!

    • ashes says

      Part of it is location. The cost of living in Toledo is extremely low and we get by just fine. I read somewhere that Toledo is one of the few cities in the US where you can actually survive off of minimum wage.

      Right now I just love how balanced everything feels. My husband and I work very well together, not just as a couple but also as parents. We know what we need to do and we do it and I feel we’re pretty happy where we are.

      Also, my work as an artist and writer means the world to me, and having time to work on those projects is amazing. I am so incredibly grateful that my husband supports me in those endeavors.

      I never thought I would be in this position but I’m happy and I feel like we’re a well-oiled machine. 🙂

  2. Baubo says

    Humans are long-lived. Your time at home could be one chapter, or a permanent provision. You get to choose. Over a long marriage, we’ve had times when he worked, times when I worked, times when it was both or never. We do some things very stereotypically – I do the laundry, he repairs things – and others equally or atypically. The whole key is communicating, and respecting the other. You sound fine.

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