Here is a graphic I just made. Here’s how it works. This is similar to the “Breeder Bingo” you might have already seen online, the difference is that I don’t really want to use the word “breeder” due to some people perceiving this word as condescending. Anyway, here you have some of the usual phrases childfree people hear over and over again from those who insist upon mandatory parenthood. As they say the dumb things to you, you cover the blocks on your card until you have Bingo!
Have you already collected them all? I have. Notice that all of these standard phrases are either factually wrong or absolutely terrible reasons to have children. For example, it is wrong for parents to try to turn their children into miniature copies of themselves. It is also wrong to imagine that on this planet we need more children of some specific race or ethnicity.
Also, notice the contradictions. How can it even be possible that simultaneously not wanting children is selfish while wanting children, because they make you happier, is not selfish?
By the way, it is fascinating how often people have told me nonsense about all women wanting children while totally ignoring the fact that I am not a woman.
Anyway, if you are childfree, then you can now have a bit of fun playing bingo. If you are a parent—I respect your choice and I have no intention of arguing against your decision. What other people do with their lives and bodies is their choice and none of my business. The point of this image is to highlight the fact that some parents, especially those who are more conservative and religious, seem utterly incapable of respecting my choices and feel the urge to tell me nonsense, imagining that they know me better than I do.
By the way, while trying to get myself sterilized, which took me two years, I got kicked out of numerous doctors’ offices and scored countless hits on this “Mandatory Parenthood Bingo.” It’s incredible that a person who has known me for ten seconds imagines that they know what is best for me better than I do.
In case you spot a typo in the picture, let me know, and I will fix it.
Images of screaming babies and the stork are from stock websites. Of course, I can draw myself, but I didn’t feel like drawing babies, and it was simpler for me to use some stock images. Except for those stock images, the rest is my own work. This image is created in vector graphics, in CorelDRAW.
The “funny” thing is that it doesn’t even end when you do decide to have one. Then you get everyone to tell you that you need MORE children – until people arbitrarily decide that you have too many.
I absolutely hated reading that if a woman wants to get sterilised the recommendation in my country is that her partner should be asked if he (of course they didn’t consider anything else) is ok with it. The same recommendation didn’t exist for men.
tardigrada @#1
Yep. According to some sexist and misogynistic people, uteri are a public property.
The doctor who sterilized me didn’t ask me a single question about whether I have a partner and what he thinks about my decision. That was nice.
The Dr. who sterilized me insisted my husband agree to the surgery. I have him a piece of my mind, but then I invited the Mr. In because I knew we were in agreement and it was the expedient thing to do.
I don’t believe Catholic health systems will do vasectomies.
robertbaden @#4
In civilized countries healthcare systems are secular and Catholic hospitals either do not exist or constitute the fringe of the available healthcare institutions with patients having a choice to instead go to one of the numerous secular hospitals/clinics.
And, yes, of course I am aware that often getting a vasectomy is also hard due to doctors not wanting to provide this procedure. Still, statistically, doctors are more likely to discriminate AFAB patients who want to remain childfree.
We have a problem here with Catholic health systems buying other health organizations. They don’t do birth control of any sort, so access is lost for everyone.
robertbaden @#6
As far as I know, Catholic hospitals simply do not exist in Latvia. In general, most hospitals are state owned and state funded. The state also pays for gynecologist appointments. If I want to go to a gynecologist, I only have to pay a 2 euro fee, and I can pick any of the numerous state funded hospitals and clinics. There doctors will happily give me prescriptions for any contraceptives I like as long as it’s not permanent like sterilization/vasectomy. By the way, the state also fully cowers the costs of STI tests. This is all part of state policy designed to limit the spread of STIs and the abundance of abortions (in the USSR, abortions were the most common birth control method, nowadays politicians try to change this legacy by encouraging usage of birth control).
My experience with doctors in state funded hospitals is that they don’t like providing sterilization. All the doctors I talked to in state owned hospitals kicked me out of their offices.
I got my procedure in a private clinic. Probably there it was easier to find a doctor willing to sterilize me, because there all patients pay from their own pocket. Private clinics have to compete for the few wealthy patients who are willing to pay for healthcare instead of just using one of the state funded hospitals. Thus private clinics are reluctant to refuse a potential client.
Here https://www.aiwaclinic.lv/en/services/surgery/ is the homepage of the clinic where I got my surgery. Their homepage has English and German versions. I got the impression that they have plenty of patients from abroad given how in general most Latvians are too poor to want to use a private clinic.
State funded hospitals, on the other hand, have an endless abundance of sick people. They never have to worry about where to find clients. Thus there doctors are quick to refuse patients they perceive as problematic.
By the way, abortions are easily accessible in Latvia as long as you can afford to pay for the procedure from your own pocket. The cost was about 200 euros. Abortions are among the procedures that the state never pays for, lumped together with plastic surgery, homeopathy, and treatments for trans people.
In case you spot a typo in the picture, let me know…
Not a typo as such, but the standard “No” slash is a bar sinister (upper-left to lower-right), not the bar dexter shown.
Funnily enough I’ve never had any of this stuff myself. Mind you, as a single gay man whom everyone thinks is a bit weird, I wouldn’t expect it.
I most certainly don’t want children, but I don’t think I’ve ever had to say so out loud. Everyone I know just assumes it must be the case, and that such a situation the best thing for everyone concerned. They’re right, but to what extent they’re working on stereotypes of single men and/or gay men, as opposed to my own eccentric nature, I’m not sure.
“Just have one to see if you like it!”
As if babies are a new food, or something? They’re an 18 year commitment!
One out of four is…fucking dreadful. Nonetheless, it’s still good that the state never pays for homeopathy.
@WMDKitty
exactly! and when i make that argument for motorcycles or tattoos everyone looks at me funny
i like the “What if your parents never had children?”, because i actually think my parents shouldn’t have had kids. the resources they spent on us could have been better spent on taking care of people who already existed. which is not the answer they expect
Pierce R. Butler @#8
Thanks for letting me know. It is fixed now.
cartomancer @#9
Stereotypes about how gays shouldn’t raise children are terrible.
Oddly enough, once a man who mistook me for a lesbian offered his services as a sperm donor for me and the girlfriend he imagined I should have. He was also a bit creepy about the offer. I guess some people cannot comprehend that there can exist AFAB people who don’t want children.
leerudolph @#11
It’s terrifying how common homeopathy is in this country. When I was a child, my doctor actually told my mother to give me homeopathic medicine. I assume my doctor saw a worried parent and wanted to give her some placebo, but I think it is immoral to tell an impoverished single mother to spend money on homeopathy. Anyway, in my polyclinic there is a “doctor” who calls themselves a homeopath. Never mind all those homeopathic “pharmacies” all over the city.
Abortions and surgeries for trans people are absolutely necessary, thus it is wrong to require people to pay for those from their own pocket.
Plastic surgery is more complicated, but often enough that also is a necessity. For example, my cousin got a tumor next to her ear when she was a baby. Surgically removing said tumor fucked up her face. Living with a deformed face in our beauty-obsessed society is problematic. For people like my cousin plastic surgery wasn’t an eccentric choice, it was a necessity.
dangerousbeans @#12
Me: “I think I should get a dog.”
The society: “Have you carefully considered the decision? Will you be able to care for this dog until their death? Are you completely sure you won’t get bored or tired of the responsibility?”
Me: “I dislike being with children. The noise irritates me and they are boring to spend time with until they are old enough for intelligent conversations. I have the wrong personality for taking care of children. It would be irresponsible for me to create a child and condemn them to having an unhappy childhood.”
The society: “You are still childless. How can you be so sure that you would make a bad parent? You haven’t tried it yet. You should have at least one child to see how it is to be a parent. Once you have a child of your own, you will change your mind about not liking children.”
Facepalm.
Yeah, me too. I won’t say that my mother shouldn’t have had children at all, but she definitely needed to work with a therapist in order to deal with her own emotional problems before deciding to have a child.
The sad thing is, even disabled AFAB people (me) get this crap!
I have a hard enough time taking care of myself, I’ve no desire to add a child to that mix!
I do see a typo… in the square fourth from the left, second row down, that reads “If everyone didn’t have children…” it should be “then” not “the”. At least that makes the most sense to me.
I used to hear this all the time from random strangers walking down the street. That’s because we lived in Utah, home of the Mormons, and they are obsessed with having children and making sure everyone else does too. I had a Mormon friend there who was struggling with miscarriages, and she was told she was being selfish, which really hurt her. It’s amazing how thoughtless and cruel people can be.
I am a man and childless not by choice, but because I did not get lucky enough to find a partner, let alone a partner who would want to have children. But even I get some of this crap, in addition to being seen as a loser when I answer that I cannot simply “choose” to have children on my own.
Go figure
@Andreas Avester what if we don’t change our mind? we can’t return the kid. even fostering and adoption it’s kind of shitty to the kid to not give them a permanent home.
it’s interesting how child-free people often put more emphasis on the children’s wellbeing
kestrel @#15
Now I’m wondering about English grammar.
But isn’t “the” necessary before “humanity”? “If everyone didn’t have children, then the humanity would die out!” sound fine to me. But I’m not sure about, “If everyone didn’t have children, then humanity would die out!” In an “if” sentence, the word “then” isn’t obligatorily necessary.
“A” and “the” in English are still a bit confusing for me. In my native language nothing like this exists, thus articles just don’t feel natural to me.
Holy shit! This is terrible.
dangerousbeans @#17
Parents who enjoy parenting cannot imagine how it can be possible for an adult to dislike being a parent. Just like I cannot imagine how it can be possible to love a being who spends all the time screaming, sleeping, eating, and making shitty diapers. I don’t mind spending time with children who are already old enough for at least semi-intelligent conversations, but babies, hell no, they only evoke irritation and disgust in me. They are boring to spend time with and need constant work to keep them fed and clean.
Anyway, a loving parent probably cares about the overall wellbeing of children just like I do. The difference is that, unlike me, they cannot imagine how it can be possible not to love a child. Thus they cannot comprehend why staying childfree is the right thing to do for some people.
Andreas,
No, it doesn’t need an article, because there’s no need to distinguish between a generic humanity and a specific one.
It’s always implicit, but yes, “If everyone didn’t have children, humanity would die out!” also works.
Consider this: “If everyone didn’t comment on this blog, the Andreas Avester would be disappointed”. Same thing.
The definite article is for a specific member of a class, the indefinite for a generic member. So “get me a book” means any drink, “get me the book” means a specific book.
@#19
OK. The image is fixed now.