Cancer Chronicles 8: One one thousand, Two one thousand…

Got to disengage the giant capsule today, yay! Wow, that goes a long way towards feeling normal again. That chemo pump has a terrible weight to it, which has nothing to do with the physicality of it. Okay, this chronicle is mostly pictorial. I’ll caption what’s going on.

Okay. Once the pump is empty, first step is to switch the line to 'off' - you just slide the tube from the open flow notch to the pinch end. Easy peasy.

Okay. Once the pump is empty, first step is to switch the line to ‘off’ – you just slide the tube from the open flow notch to the pinch end. Easy peasy.

Next, get your bag of goodies out and ready. You'll have alcohol wipes, gloves, two loaded syringes for flushing, and a bandage.

Next, get your bag of goodies out and ready. You’ll have alcohol wipes, gloves, two loaded syringes for flushing, and a bandage.

Even if you don't think you need to do this, go over your instructions once before you begin, because you really don't need to fuck something up, and end up with an unnecessary trip back to hospital, yeah? After a few times, it will become old hat.

Even if you don’t think you need to do this, go over your instructions once before you begin, because you really don’t need to fuck something up, and end up with an unnecessary trip back to hospital, yeah? After a few times, it will become old hat.

The gloves, they won't fit, guaranteed. Pain in the ass. You're instructed to clean the port connector for 15 seconds, for each syringe, so count: one, one thousand...

The gloves, they won’t fit, guaranteed. Pain in the ass. You’re instructed to clean the port connector for 15 seconds, for each syringe, so count: one, one thousand…

Free! Woohoo.

Free! Woohoo.

Now that you're happily unencumbered again, gather up all the stuff.

Now that you’re happily unencumbered again, gather up all the stuff.

Put all the stuff in the transport bag, and stick it somewhere you won't forget, because you have to take it back with you for the next infusion, where it's happily catalogued as properly destroyed and all that.

Put all the stuff in the transport bag, and stick it somewhere you won’t forget, because you have to take it back with you for the next infusion, where it’s happily catalogued as properly destroyed and all that.

Now for more tea and something to eat so I can take my dexamethasone. Oh man, it is so nice to have that thing off me. Your port area and shoulder will be a bit sore, treat that part of yourself gently.

Of The Nature Of Snakes.

The snake squeezes through a slot in a narrow tower. The straightforward snake is nonethless shown with wings. Although the text says the snake goes through a rima (crack) in a rock, most of the second family of Bestiaries show the snake going through a masonry tower. This image appeared due to a misreading of the word rima for ruina (ruin).

The snake squeezes through a slot in a narrow tower. The straightforward snake is nonethless shown with wings. Although the text says the snake goes through a rima (crack) in a rock, most of the second family of Bestiaries show the snake going through a masonry tower. This image appeared due to a misreading of the word rima for ruina (ruin).

Text Translation:

Of the nature of snakes. The snake has three characteristics. The first of these is that when it grows old, its eyes grow dim; if it wants to regain its youth, it fasts for many days until its skin grows loose; then it seeks out a narrow crack in a rock, enters it, and scrapes through, sloughing off its old skin. Let us, too, through much affliction and abstinence in Christ’s name, slough off our former self and garb, and seek Christ, the spiritual rock, and the narrow crack, that is ‘the strait gate’ (Matthew, 7:13).

The snake’s second characteristic is this: when it comes to a river to drink water, it does not bring its venom with it, but discharges it into a pit. When we come together in church, drinking in the living, eternal water, to hear God’s heavenly word, we too should get rid of our venom, that is, earthly and evil desires.

The snake’s third characteristic is this: if it sees a naked man, it fears him; if it sees him clothed, it attacks him. In the same way, we are to understand in spiritual terms, that for as long as Adam, the first man, was naked in Paradise, the serpent was unable to attack him; but after he was clothed, that is, in mortal flesh, then the serpent assaulted him. If you are clad in mortal clothes, that is, in your former self, and if you have grown old in evil days, the serpent attacks you. If, however, you divest yourself of the robes of princes and of the power of the darkness of this world, then the serpent, that is, the Devil, cannot attack you.

The snake, at the onset of blindness, wards it off by eating fennel. Thus, when it feels its eyes growing dim, it has recourse to remedies it knows, knowing that it can rely on their effect. The tortoise, when it feeds on the snake’s entrails and becomes aware of the venom spreading through its own body, cures itself with oregano. If a snake tastes the spittle of a fasting man, it dies.

Pliny says:It is believed that if the head of a snake escapes, even if only two fingers’ length of the body is attached, it continues to live. For this reason it places its whole body in the way to protect its head against its assailants. All snakes suffer from poor sight; they can rarely see what is in front of them. This is not without reason, since their eyes are not at the front but in the temples of the head, so that they hear better than they see. No creature moves its tongue as swiftly as the snake, to such an extent that it seems to have a triple tongue, when in fact there is only one.

The bodies of snakes are moist, so that wherever they go, they mark their path with moisture. The tracks of snakes are such that, since they seem to lack feet, they crawl using their flanks and the pressure of their scales, which are laid out in the same pattern from the throat to the lowest part of the belly. For they support themselves on their scales as if on claws, and on their flanks as if on legs. As a result, if a snake is struck on any part of the body, from the belly to the head, it is disabled and cannot get away quickly, because where the blow falls, it dislocates the spine, through which the foot-like movement of the flanks and the motion of the body are activated.

Snakes are said to live for a long time, to such an extent that it also claimed that when they shed their old skins, they shed their old age and regain their youth. The snake’s skin is called exuvie, because they shed it, exuere, when they grow old. We refer to clothing as both exuvie and induvie because it is both taken off, exuere, and put on, induere.

Pythagoras says that the snake is created from the marrow of dead men, which is to be found in the spine. Ovid has the same point in mind in the Metamorphoses, when he says: ‘There are those who believe that when the spine has rotted in the grave, the human marrow changes into a snake’. This, if it can be believed, has a certain justice, for as the snake brings about the death of man, so it is created by the death of man.

Folio 71r – the newt, continued. De natura serpentium; Of the nature of snakes.

Salamander, Saura, Newt.

The tree writhes with salamanders; a salamander poisons a well; salamanders leap from flames; a man lies poisoned at the foot of the tree. The image of a man lying dead at the foot of a tree relates to the Tree of Jesse iconography. Above him a salamander plunges into a tub, an episode illustrated in Bern 318 f. 14v. The other salamanders are poisoning fruit in a tree and surviving in a fire. In certain conditions a bonfire can appear to be releasing live, red, wriggling snakes when the wood is damp and the flying sparks carry long red tails. The saura goes blind, enters a crack in the wall, faces the sun and regains its sight. The stellio or newt has spots over his body.

The tree writhes with salamanders; a salamander poisons a well; salamanders leap from flames; a man lies poisoned at the foot of the tree. The image of a man lying dead at the foot of a tree relates to the Tree of Jesse iconography. Above him a salamander plunges into a tub, an episode illustrated in Bern 318 f. 14v. The other salamanders are poisoning fruit in a tree and surviving in a fire. In certain conditions a bonfire can appear to be releasing live, red, wriggling snakes when the wood is damp and the flying sparks carry long red tails.
The saura goes blind, enters a crack in the wall, faces the sun and regains its sight. The stellio or newt has spots over his body.

The tree writhes with salamanders; a salamander poisons a well; salamanders leap from flames; a man lies poisoned at the foot of the tree. The image of a man lying dead at the foot of a tree relates to the Tree of Jesse iconography. Above him a salamander plunges into a tub, an episode illustrated in Bern 318 f. 14v. The other salamanders are poisoning fruit in a tree and surviving in a fire. In certain conditions a bonfire can appear to be releasing live, red, wriggling snakes when the wood is damp and the flying sparks carry long red tails. The saura goes blind, enters a crack in the wall, faces the sun and regains its sight. The stellio or newt has spots over his body.

The tree writhes with salamanders; a salamander poisons a well; salamanders leap from flames; a man lies poisoned at the foot of the tree. The image of a man lying dead at the foot of a tree relates to the Tree of Jesse iconography. Above him a salamander plunges into a tub, an episode illustrated in Bern 318 f. 14v. The other salamanders are poisoning fruit in a tree and surviving in a fire. In certain conditions a bonfire can appear to be releasing live, red, wriggling snakes when the wood is damp and the flying sparks carry long red tails.
The saura goes blind, enters a crack in the wall, faces the sun and regains its sight. The stellio or newt has spots over his body.

Text Translation:

Of the salamander The salamander is so called because it is proof against fire. Of all poisonous creatures, it has the strongest poison. Other poisonous creatures kill one at a time; it can kill several things at the same time. For if it has crawled into a tree, it poisons all the apples and kills those who eat them. In addition, if it falls into a well, the strength of its poison kills those who drink the water. It resists fire and alone among creatures can put fires out. For it can exist in the midst of flames without pain and without being consumed by them, not only because it does not burn but because it puts the fire out.

Of the snake called the saura The saura is a lizard which goes blind when it grows old; it enters a crack in a wall and, looking toward the east, it bends its gaze on the rising sun and regains its sight. Of the newt The newt, stellio, gets its name from its colouring. For it is adorned on its back with shining spots like stars, stella. Ovid says of it: ‘Its name fits its colour; it is starred on the body with spots of various colours’ (see Ovid, Metamorphoses, 5, 461). It is said to be so hostile to scorpions, that the sight of it paralyses them with fear. There are other species of snakes, like the admodite, elephantia, camedracontes. Finally, it can be said that snakes inflict as many kinds of death as they have names.

All snakes are cold by nature; they will only strike you when their body warms up. For as long as it is cold, they will touch no-one. As a result, their poison is more harmful by day than by night. For they become sluggish in the cold of the night; and rightly so, because they grow cold in the night-time dew. For the deathly cold and freezing weather draw off the warmth of the body. Thus in winter they lie inactive in their nests; in summer, they grow lively again. So, if you are struck by a snake’s poison, you are numbed at first; then, when the venom warms up and begins to burn, it kills you at once. Their poison is called ‘venom’, venenum, because it spreads through your veins. For when its deathly effect is introduced, it courses in every direction through the veins, increased by the quickening of the body, and drives out life. As a result, poison cannot hurt unless it infects your blood. Lucan says: ‘The poison of snakes is only deadly when mixed with the blood’ (Pharsalia, 9, 614). All poison is cold; as a result, the soul, which is by nature hot, flees from the poison’s icy touch. In terms of the natural qualities which we observe that we, reasoning beings, share with animals, who have no capacity for reason, the serpent stands out by virtue of its lively intelligence. On this subject, it says in Genesis: ‘Now the serpent was more subtle than any beast of the field’ (3:1).

Folio 70r – the salamander, continued. De saura serpente; Of the serpent called the saura.

Cancer Chronicles 7: Shock & Silences.

The first day of chemo outfit: shirt with skulls, bag to match. The rest: black jeans, knee high Doc Martens lace ups.

The first day of chemo outfit: shirt with skulls, bag to match. The rest: black jeans, knee high Doc Martens lace ups, bright red hooded coat.

What your port looks like in use.

What your port looks like in use.

That is the giant pump which has to be attached to my port for two days. It’s 6″ in length and 7″ in diameter. They need to hire some people from Intel, it would miniaturized in no time. Has to be above the waist at all times. The other stuff is what I need to flush the port after disengaging the pump.

Cancer. The shock of it all didn’t set in until this past Monday (22nd). That’s when I felt like I was going to fall apart, and it was hard to keep tears at bay. My oncologist asked me if I wanted to start chemo this week or next; I replied “now is best, because I’m at the point of running away and not coming back.” Doc thought I was joking, but I wasn’t. I really wanted to run. So, yesterday was my first chemo day. My schedule will at least be less hectic for a while, and I’m grateful for that one.

Before I talk about the chemo, I want to briefly address reactions to CANCER. There will be a fair amount of people who you thought would have at least given you a “oh, that sucks”, but instead, don’t acknowledge the CANCER or you, in any way at all. If you’re newly diagnosed, don’t be surprised by that. A lot of people simply will not acknowledge or address the issue. There are other unexpected reactions too. Yesterday, stopped by my pharmacy to pick up Dexamethasone, and one of my pharmacists started crying when she found out I had cancer. That made me crumple up inside, and I felt awful for making her feel awful. For the most part, supportive friends and family are right there for you, and you can get to know your fellow travelers in treatment, too.

Okay, chemo. In my hospital, the chemo suite is called The Infusion Center. Long room, more like a very large, central hall, lined with individual stations. Each station has a comfortable recliner, a chair side table, IV stand to one side, and an overhead, swivel mount television with earphones. There’s a stack of extra chairs for whoever you bring with you. You go in, sit down, sign a bunch of forms, and repeat your surname and birth date for the zillionth fucking time. I’m seriously contemplating giving my birthdate as Fall 1529. I don’t think medical would be amused. Every single person you talk to, “okay, give me your name and birth date”. I know they don’t want to make mistakes, but fuck me, I’m beyond tired of it. Being a smart-ass helps, which is why I went with a skull theme. It was mostly appreciated by med staff. ETA: my infusion center comes with a nurse who never shuts up. (I was seated across from the nurses station.) Headphones and your choice of at least 4 hours of music: a very good thing.

I got all the lectures about Oxaliplatin, in particular, the cold sensitivity and possibility of peripheral neuropathy.  So far, I seem to have escaped those effects, but it’s early days yet. I have not come close to drinking as much fluid as I have been instructed to do, and I’m still pissing like an overhydrated horse. Which reminds me, forgot to get Kool-Aid. There’s only so much apple juice a person can take.

After chemo, I was feeling starved, so we ate, then we had to do a bit of shopping. I was feeling okay enough to do that, but having that giant capsule swinging about was a right pain in the arse. I was a bit antsy because I had not remembered to take my immodium with me, and while I didn’t really have that “ohgodsfuck diarrhea” sensation, I did have a weird one, which could be best described as the tumour playing at being Jack Nicholson axing his way through the door in The Shining. Just a vague sort of terror that the tumour might do something utterly mortifying while in public. So, remember to pack all the little stuff if you’re going to be out and about after chemo.

Going home, I could not keep my eyes open. I stumbled into the house, managed to shed clothes, and fall on the bed, got the giant capsule tucked under the pillow, and was out like a light for several hours. Woke up, ate too many fudge brownies, went back to bed, read Book of the Night by Oliver Pötzsch, a wonderfully fun book, went back to sleep. Biggest effects so far: crampy, tired, acid reflux and really sore leg muscles for some reason. That set in rather early in the infusion center. Other than that, okay. I’ll be right happy to get rid of this damn capsule on Friday, seriously bad design flourishes in the medical industry. Initially, they wanted me back on Friday to have the pump removed, but when we told them that was not convenient, I got instructions to do it all myself.

Still have the nasty butt pain, and can’t go unmedicated for very long, which is on the annoying side, but I’ll live. Hahaha. I feel another nap coming on…

ETA: Food. Stock up on frozen foods, and easy to prepare stuff, like cottage cheese with fruit or veg. Have things like chicken salad prepared, and bread in the house. If someone loves you to pieces and can cook, have them do up some casseroles for you. The easier it is to eat, the more likely it is you’ll actually do that. You’re much more likely to decide eating is not so important if you wander into the kitchen, and decide you really don’t want to be cooking. Also, stock up on all the ‘bad for ya’ stuff: ice cream, brownies, muffins, cup cakes, banana bread, what have you. If you have colon cancer, by the time you get to radiation, they’ll tell you to do a low fiber diet, which is basically all the stuff which is typically considered bad: white breads, pancakes, pasta, butter, cream, cheese, and so on. Having plenty of goodies around is a way to easily pig out when you’re feeling like it.

Damn Those Meddling, Ugly Women!

Protesters attend the Women's March: Power to the Polls rally at Sam Boyd Stadium on January 21, 2018 in Las Vegas, NV. Roger Kisby for RollingStone.com

Protesters attend the Women’s March: Power to the Polls rally at Sam Boyd Stadium on January 21, 2018 in Las Vegas, NV. Roger Kisby for RollingStone.com.

Sandy Rios, nasty bigot extraordinaire, was ever so concerned about the Women’s March 2018, because it makes those women so gosh darn ugly. Those of us with the fuzzy pink lady brains, well, we aren’t supposed to be doing things like speaking up and thinking for ourselves, it’s ungodly and stuff.

Sandy Rios, a Religious Right radio host and American Family Association figure, said the 2018 Women’s March was “a very ugly thing” and that women who attended it “become ugly” because they “are acting outside of the realm of God’s parameters.”

…“I’m not a guy, so I don’t have to worry about my political correctness. I am ashamed of the women of my generation. I have been for a long time. I just don’t understand their foolishness and I don’t understand why more of us weren’t deeply grounded in not only God’s word, but the principles of God’s word, about the moral behavior that is beneficial to us as well as our daughters,” Rios said.

Uh, “I’m not a guy so…” well, that’s me nonplussed. As for Ms. Rios’s generation, she’s around 68. Me, I’m a fresh 60, and I’m pretty much the antithesis of Ms. Rios. I don’t consider myself to be foolish, nor do I consider women who stand up with their full humanity blazing to be anywhere near foolish. I have no doubt there are a number of women who march who consider themselves to be theists, and as they are all marching against a terrible display of immorality, they are all looking to be on the right side of the moral fence to me.

Once again, you can see that irony has zero impact on the zealots; Ms. Rios is aghast over women taking action and speaking up, yet from what I can tell, Ms. Rios rarely shuts up, always railing on about one group or another, reserving her best hatred for queer folk. If women speaking out is ungodly, well…

“It’s a very ugly thing. It is a very ugly thing when women behave in this way. They become ugly. They don’t become like men with all the privileges. They just become ugly, because they are not—they are acting outside of the realm of God’s parameters. And what God designed is what’s best,” Rios said.

That bible you purport to love, Ms. Rios, has some rather firm stances about women preaching. I guess you think you’re excused from that somehow. Pardon my pettiness here, but Ms. Rios is also a fan of plastic surgery, which, it seems to me, is rather dissing that wonderful design of Jehovah’s, isn’t it? I suppose she gets a point for acknowledging that it is men who get all the privileges. It is truly awful how much Ms. Rios rails on about ugliness, given the toxic, systemic sexism we all live in, where messages still blast out about how beautiful is everything, and women must do this, that, and the other to avoid the ugly™.  To my eyes, all those wonderful people at the march, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful! The truth is beautiful. People standing up and speaking out with passion and compassion, beautiful. A shining light on top of the shitheap which is our current regime.

“The women, you know, they have to have that apple. They’ve got to have the whole thing. They’ve got to be able to do everything they want, have sex with as many men in their lifetime, or women, as they can. You know, go for the gusto,” Rios said. “They want the whole apple and it’s not going to turn out well for them or their daughters.”

Seems to me you wanted the whole apple too, Ms. Rios, and pursued it at all costs. There’s absolutely no reason whatsoever that women should not have as much or little sex as they like in their lifetimes. That would be in the category of “none of your fucking business”. Not all women have children Ms. Rios, but from what I’ve seen, women today are doing right by their daughters, instilling them with agency and the belief that yes, they are full human beings, with all the rights therein. Woman have realized they have power, and they are using it, and that, Ms. Rios, is one hell of a great thing. Perhaps you should go home and obey your husband or something, stay out of that limelight.

Via RWW.

“Caterpillar Calendar” (1837).

These wonderful illustrations come from Chronologischer Raupenkalender, oder, Naturgeschichte der europäischen Raupen (1837), an entomological volume by Christian Friedrich Vogel outlining which caterpillars appear each month, as well as details on how to keep caterpillars and catch the butterflies into which they will transform. An added quirk of the book will be more immediately obvious to German speakers — Vogel means “bird”, the caterpillar’s main predator.

You can see all the exquisite illustrations at The Public Domain Review.

Word Wednesday.

Vixen / Gambol / Blithe

Vixen, noun.

1: a shrewish ill-tempered woman.

2: a female fox.

3: a sexually attractive woman.

-vixenish, adjective.

[Origin: Middle English (Southern dialect) *vixen, alteration of Middle English fixen, from Old English fyxe, feminine of fox.]

(1590)

“The Fox was just that, a monstrous fox: five hundredweight or more of tense power, quick as an arrow, straight as a javelin, bright as a new-polished sword-blade, and female as Eve; Hob could see immediately that it was a vixen. Tall and deadly and graceful: the Goddess of the Foxes.”

Gambol, intransitive verb -boled or -bolled; -boling or -bolling. To skip about in play, to frisk, frolic.

Gambol, noun: a skipping or leaping about in play.

[Origin: modification of Middle French gambade spring of a horse, gambol, probably from Old Occitan camba leg, from Late Latin.]

(1508-10)

“Through Hob’s frozen terror a thought came faintly to him: it was gamboling, it was playing at slaughter.”

Blithe, adjective.

1: of a happy lighthearted character or disposition.

2: lacking due thought or consideration: casual, heedless: blithe unconcern.

-blithely, adverb.

[Origin: Middle English, from Old English blīthe; akin to Old High German Blīdi joyous.]

(Before 12th Century)

“The Fox sprang from place to place, blithe as a new lamb, and each leap left a mortally wounded man behind. Now and again it would pause to survey its accomplishments, and then the crimson tongue would loll out over serried teeth, and Hob felt that it was laughing.”

All from Something Red, by Douglas Nicholas.