Myrte. » « Draft.

They Aren’t Laughing At Me Now!!1!!

Jim Bakker’s Yuck in a Bucket.

Jim Bakker seems to be under the impression that no one is laughing at him anymore. It won’t take very long to dispel that notion.

“These things, when God does them, God doesn’t fool around!” Bakker bellowed. “Yesterday, I almost lost it. You know, for the last several years, preachers—even in this city—and evangelists have beat the you-know-what out of me and made fun of me because we store food.”

“They preach about it,” he claimed. “Whole revivals just preaching about Jim and Lori, ‘Ha, ha, ha, they’re storing food, that stupid Jim Bakker.’ I just came from the flood zone! Nobody was laughing at me! They all wanted the crazy preacher’s food!”

“When the crisis comes, you people that are ready, your kids that laughed at you won’t laugh any more,” Bakker added. “And I want to tell you something: You ain’t seen nothing yet!”

I had no idea your fellow christians were beating the shit out of you all the time, Jim. You must have a great make-up person. I fully expect they teased you no end, because oh gods, that yuck looks disgusting, and I doubt people who weren’t in a dire situation would want anything to do with it. Considering how many people there are in this country who go hungry every day, seems to me the christian thing to do would be to distribute your yuck in a bucket to those who are just that damn hungry. But we all know what matters to you, don’t we, Jim? Almighty Money Money Money. People are still laughing, Jim. They’ll be laughing more in a moment…

On Thursday, Jim was opining on how he could be shot for wearing a ball cap with a cross on it. (I saw it, it’s in the bucket of yuck video, plain brown with a small white cross on the front). That’s just how gosh darn horrible it has gotten for christians. A fair number of people are running around wearing various moronic Trump hats, draped in confederate flags, and they aren’t getting shot. There are degrees of offensiveness, and while I’m not a fan of christians constantly waving their favourite method of execution around, it’s not terribly offensive. Crosses are fucking everywhere, no one is going to get that bent by a little white cross on a cap. It would actually go quite a long way in protecting you from all the really nasty folk, like Trumpholes, so let’s lose the persecution game, Jim, you suck at it.

Bakker went on to declare that “everything God’s ever spoke to me has come to pass” while fuming that society has made Christians afraid to share their faith. But Bakker refuses to be controlled by that fear, even though he knows he could be killed simply for wearing a Christian hat in public.

“I wear them out in public and I know I could be shot,” he proclaimed. “I know that. There are crazy people out there, but I’m not going to deny the cross. I will not deny the cross! I won’t.”

Who asked you to deny it? Does anyone give a fuck? Because I’m pretty sure no one does, Jim. I don’t care if you dress up as a furry cross, dude. Whatever floats your boat and all that. I would not be remotely surprised if in the near future, Bakker pays someone to shoot him, in a non-fatal manner, of course. Or shows up with a bullet hole in his cap, claiming a miracle.

Via RWW, one, two.

Myrte. » « Draft.


  1. blf says

    I doubt people who weren’t in a dire situation would want anything to do with it.

    RationalWiki also points out it won’t, by itself, keep you alive (struck out text in original):

    Bakker [now runs] a generic conspiracy show of the End times, most well known for selling buckets of slop potato soup at $160 for over 300 servings. Those giant buckets will not alone keep people alive during a crisis. Humans need fresh food to provide vitamins. Anyone eating food from those buckets and nothing else would die of vitamin C deficiency within months.

  2. says

    I have no trouble with the idea that Bakker was/is absolutely sincere about everything he said here. The dude believes his imaginary friend runs the whole universe and has time for a close personal relationship with him, so why shouldn’t he also believe a bunch of crap which, while also grossly false-to-fact, is at least physically possible?

  3. says

    Anyone eating food from those buckets and nothing else would die of vitamin C deficiency within months.

    Oh yay, let’s hear it for scurvy coming back!

  4. says


    I have no trouble with the idea that Bakker was/is absolutely sincere about everything he said here.

    No. Bakker has always been a blatant con, and he’s never taken particular pains to disguise that, either. It obviously bothers him that his fellow con artists look down on him, but that doesn’t make him the sincere one of the club.

  5. says

    You do not need fresh food for vitamin C, fresh food is only its best source. Potatoes do contain vitamin C, even cooked ones. Indeed they are a significant source of it. Drying/cooking/canning vegetables does reduce the vitamin content, but it does not eliminate it. Of course a daily dose of this slop will not contain all of necesarry vitamin C, but depending on preparation it might contain enough to keep one barely fit. I doubt christian fanatics who fall for this scam will know that, but all you need to battle scurvy is to buy Vitamin C tabletes and you can be set for years with minimum storage space. Or if you are into “natural” food, then collect an ample of briar hips, dry them and when needed make a tea of them. Briar hips contain so much Vitamin C that when we tested different foods in Uni Briar tee contained more than an orange juice of it -- even after drying, storing and cooking.

    In US christians are everywhere, flaunting their superstitions. How many have been shot for their faith? M guess would be zeron. And in comparision, how many people are shot because of the color of their skin? at least two hunderd a year, when counting just police shootings of unarmend people alone. The christian persecution complex is so tiresome.

  6. johnson catman says

    . . . made fun of me because we store food.

    Does he really call that stuff “food”? Maybe that is why people are laughing at him and beating the you-know-what out of him.

  7. Acolyte of Sagan says

    Chigau, you’ve got that calculation the wrong way round.
    $2500÷23375=$0.11 per serving.
    Still vastly overpriced, mind you.

  8. blf says

    Using the pricing in @1 (RationalWiki), it’s $160 ÷ 300 = $0.53, which I find a bit surprising, as I’d expect Barker to charge more per serving per bigger bucket of shite. That why there’s more to trickle-down†, which everyone knows is good for the economy…

      † Actually, trickle-out. Does Barking also sell end times-compatible toilets? Although I expect there significant money is to be made in end times-compatible toilet-paper.

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