Basically me on dating apps

I’m almost done the mountain of long-form work I accidentally took on all at the same time. In the mean time, have a post that basically describes me on dating apps:

Hi, Lauren –

Thank you for your interest in the position of David’s Girlfriend. We reviewed your profile, and we are excited to extend an invitation to a first date. The date will last approximately one hour. Please reply with your availability and your preference for a coffee meeting or light outdoor physical activity (i.e. walking, visiting a park).

Best regards,



Sounds great! I could do coffee at 2pm Saturday.



Lauren –

You are confirmed for a Coffee Date on Saturday, Dec. 11 at 2 p.m. CST at Gradient Coffee Roasters. Be prepared to discuss general background information, your careers, and some pop culture topics. Please arrive at least 10 minutes early in order to purchase your coffee and avoid any confusion around payment.

Best regards,




  1. chigau (ever-elliptical) says

    So dating apps are more or less identical to arranged marriages in Japan?
    (as seen in Japanese TV sit-coms)

  2. secondtofirstworld says

    While I wouldn’t do this to a woman (I’m kind of old fashioned), the program itself would be nice. I settle on this day for the fact that my first long lasting relationship was love at first sight.

    Based on your body of work here, and your delightful comments, I hope it’s a joke, that you’d be Lauren.